Gotham Gazette November 5th, 2008
Fallen Knight By Vicki Vale
Harvey Dent recovers from his many injuries, condition critical
It is with great despair that I report that at ten o'clock last night, the bodies of Gotham District Attorney Harvey Dent and his wife Gilda Dent were found outside the Gotham General Hospital emergency room. They were rushed to the intensive care unit immediately, where they were treated for severe chemical burns across their bodies. Both are in near-fatal condition: while Mrs. Dent's burns are more severe, Harvey is also being treated for several contusions to the head, including a broken jaw and many deep bruises. Their chances of survival are gravely slim, and they will need extensive care and attention.
When contacted, Assistant District Attorney Rachel Dawes commented, "We all consider Harvey Dent a friend first, a teacher second, and, finally, a leader. We're all very shaken up by this, and we hope that the DA's office, until he is ready to return to us, will continue to shine as a beacon of hope in this city -- for we still believe in Harvey Dent. And so should the city." When asked about any leads to the source of the brutal attack, Assistant DA John Scott silenced, "The Gotham City District Attorney's office is not prepared to comment on the nature of the incident, or any leads. We're looking into it." He finished with a threatening, "we will find those responsible."
This attack comes at a terrible time for Gotham city, as criminals run amok in the streets, factories are destroyed, buildings are burned, people are murdered, and the city needs its heroes. Dent came under sharp criticism for his order to fire openly into the crowd of impostor jokers during the murderer's escape from custody, but I dare say only a monster could wish this sort of pain onto him, his family, and his city.
As the fate of Gotham's white knight rests in the hands of an expert team of doctors, we must all hope for the best... and prepare for the worst.
Bulls and Pawns By Roger Mortimer
The Joker, pictured with hostage, at the Wayne Fundraiser
Moments after the poll bombings, the Joker made another threat: to destroy our schools, and by extension our children. Directly calling out parents, the Joker said that unless parents didn’t send their kids to school, he would bomb them, killing who knows how many kids. After his feint and bombings yesterday that killed, at current counts, 227 people, we can know that it is no lie that he will and plans to follow up on his threat.
Which raises the question: Do we compromise? Do we follow through with his demand? The Black Mask made another demand, and we refused, and now thousands are dead. That is not Gotham’s fault; it is the fault of the Black Mask. But it’d be dishonest of me to act like these are similar choices. Closing the schools for a day or sending a man $10 billion are in no way similar. By grouping them together we do nothing but limit our intellectual options, and by result restrict our ways to fight terrorism. We could try to go for a moral victory by not listening, but when our kids wind up dead, who is the real victory? Someone in office might give himself a pat on the back for his supposed “moral fortitude”, but what he’d have really done is cowardice. Instead of making a possibly politically dangerous move, he’d have sacrificed the lives of children in order to give the illusion of higher moral ground.
Moral choices are not black and white, Gotham. Nor are they for a simple newspaper writer to decide. This type of choice is not mine to make, and I am glad that I’m not in a position to have the final say. But as the voice of the people, I feel it needs to be said that someone needs to think of the children, and that their lives are not pawns for moral fortitude, but are instead innocent children who have no part in this. The Joker might have brought them into this fight, but we can bring them out. We should not accept his trap and send our kids to school. We need to save their lives.
On another note, how is it that the Joker managed twice to buy large amounts of fertilizers and other materials for bombs and in two separate incidents managed to detonate them? Is our police force this incompetent? What victories have we had so far? They’ve captured a deranged crocodile-like man who died soon, but, besides offering token support for the Joker, had only committed two murders and arson. The Black Mask, the Faraway Tree Killer, Batman, and the Joker have all gone unarrested, or arrested then broken out with relative ease. How can this be? Everyone is offering praise for Gordon, but is it deserving? Is he truly the best we can offer? His devotion to the cause of justice cannot be denied, but his skills have proven to be lacking so far. Our police have done nothing but offer token resistance.
And to the naysayers who will attack this piece as being “anti-American” for writing about the failures of our police; what good have you done for this city? We are in a crisis, and our current, rigid system is obviously not capable of matching the demands. As our new president has been saying, “It’s time for a change”. We cannot treat them the same.
Gotham's Bane By Alexander Knox
The mug shot of Antonio Marcos, known to Gotham as Bane
Antonio Marcos, the man who freed the Joker while he was being transported by police, was found Not Guilty today after his trial. The only witness present at the hearing was the defendent himself. All others, with the heroic exception of Captain Gordon, were too fearful of this monster of a man to face him in court. When the man known as "Bane" took the stand, he wove a terrifying tale of human experiments - experiments which he claimed to have been an unwilling subject of.
He even went as far as to implicate some of Gotham's most prominet companies, including Advanced Psysiosolutions, ThorneCorp, and Phoenix Pharmaceuticals. He claims that "Venom", the name of the drug he is addicted to, is so potent that withdrawing from the drug would result in his death. Allegedly, some or perhaps all of these corporations had a direct hand in Venom's development, and its testing on the man who was once Antonio Marcos.
Bane says the horrible crimes he committed were a direct result of his need to finance his addiction. His apartment was searched, and there was almost no money found there. Bane's lawyers used this as evidence of his absolutely reliance on Venom, claiming that he was not responsible for his actions, as they were performed to save his life.
Ultimately, Judge Schwartz found Bane Not Guilty for his crimes - a verdict that did not sit well with the families of the Joker and Bane's victims, who were gathered outside the courthouse. However, the Judge did at least see fit to have Bane deported back to his home country of Santa Prisca, the country from which he was kidnapped years ago. He was a prisoner when he left the country, but it is unknown what how he will be treated there when he returns.
The Midland Conspiracy? By Stanton Kiel
Police inspect the scene of Kevin Harold's death
Readers will remember the mysterious bombing of the Midland Engineering building, in which sixty-seven workers were found dead, but the company still has not cooperated with police investigation and any details about the bombing and what the company is working on remain a mystery.
Today, two security guards who work for Midland Engineering died. One guard, Kevin Harold, was struck by an SUV on the street right in front of the Midland building. The driver of the SUV stopped and was willingly brought in by police, visibly shaken by the event.
The other guard, Tom Scarfino, shot himself through the eye in his own apartment during working hours. He had left the gas of his oven on, and investigation suggests that the spark of him shooting himself set the gas ablaze. The fire was put out within ten minutes.
The two deaths are estimated as being as little as an hour apart. Chairman and CEO Charles Midland refused to give a statement about the deaths. Police currently have no idea what is going on at Midland. How can they be allowed to refuse cooperation? Even if these deaths are unrelated accidents, there are still sixty-seven deaths that a killer is getting away with. It is time police began a forced investigation. Is Midland a victim of cruel corporate espionnage, or are they killing their own employees to protect sensitive information? Why are corporations allowed to stall police investigations, especially ones involving as many deaths as the Midland case?
God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen By Rick Knight
Just one of several towers of toys and loot given to needy children across Gotham by the mysterious Kringle Couple
As drug dealers, thieves, and murderers have made their home in Gotham city, so have a wild cast of vigilante figures: the Batman, Robin, the Plague Doctor, Santa Claus... yes, Santa Claus. Last night, the streets of Gotham were host to one of the most curious, and dare I say charming, capers in American history. The target? All sorts of children's toys, from stuffed animals to teddy bears to action figures to video game consoles. The thieves? None other than St. Nicholas and Santa's little helper.
When the manager at the megastore Toys R Us in the downtown Gotham area opened shop, you can bet he didn't expect his store to have been transformed into a winter wonderland. Almost all of the store's toys were missing, and the floors were covered in piles and mounds of snow. There was no sign of burglary, no breached points of security, no mess, no nothing. Just toys and snow.
"I can't even imagine how this happened," remarked a cashier at the megastore, after his manager bitterly refused to comment. "It's so... weird."
Across the city, at the world famous Toys Will Be Toys store, the joy spree continued to unravel. The Gotham City Police Department received a distress call from the two security guards at the store very early in the morning, chattering their teeth and complaining that they had been robbed blind. When police arrived at the scene for investigation, they found almost all of the toys missing and the two security guards still wrapped and bound by shiny, golden, yet heavy duty tinsel.
"Yeah, laugh all you want," Bruce Evans, one of the guards remarked to me, sipping hot chocolate as the snow in the store refused to defrost. "I'm telling you, it was a guy dressed up like Santa Claus and a chick dressed like a skimpy little elf. I'm just mindin' my business when they pop in outta nowhere, no doors, no nothing. Like-- yeah, laugh-- like Christmas magic. She says, 'get 'em, Santa!' and before I know it, I'm covered in this tinsel and I cant move. Joe comes back in from his patrol check and he gets all wrapped up too. 'Ho ho ho!' he says. The Santa comes up to us, to knock us out, right? And he says, 'God rest ye merry, Gentlemen.' Like from the song. I wake up a few hours later, and everything's gone, and we're covered in snow. Go figure. It's not even December."
All those toys, stolen by Santa? For what dastardly purpose would Old Saint Nick steal toys? Why, to give them out to the wonderful, ever-deserving children of Gotham, that's why!
In fact, twas an hour before midnight when the children at Metro Gotham Children's Hospital in downtown Gotham received a visit from Kris Kringle and his helper elf. They simply burst into the waiting room on the first floor, spouting merry-Christmases to all and passing out toys to the ill and recovering children. They made the rounds of the hospital, handing out portable CD players, action figures, and toy instruments to every child they could find. When asked what charitable organization they were from, the jolly man in red simply responded, "Why, the North Pole, of course!" before dumping innumerable amounts of toys into the Toys for Tots deposit boxes and making his escape on their sleigh.
Next stop was St. Jude's Orphanage, where the merry couple simply knocked on the door. "They explained who they were - well, Santa Claus and his elf, they said - and that they were here to bring toys to the children," remarked a caretaker. "And Lord have mercy, they had so many toys. It was such a joy. We put toys next to every sleeping child's bed, and when they woke up they couldn't believe their eyes." One child confirmed our suspicions, clutching his new, twenty four inch plush grizzly bear, "It was Santa. I saw him. He told me to 'Shhh.' so I pretended to sleep. I think I fooled him." When the children finally decide to put down their new toys and go out to play, they're in for another surprise - their playground is now home to snowmen and igloos.
Reports of surprise toys have also come in from dozens of families of the victims of the recent killing sprees of both the Joker and the Faraway Tree Killer, as well as of the victims of the terrorist plot organized by the Black Mask. Whoever these new figures are -- excuse me, Santa Claus and Santa's little helper obviously took great care in organizing their jolly scheme, especially considering the air of scandal surrounding both Toys R Us, for their incredibly high prices on basic childrens' toys, and Toys Will Be Toys, for their alleged involvement in overseas sweatshops. Stealing from the crooked and giving to the needy children of Gotham, and going to massive lengths to ensure that the toys will remain in the hands of the children; even if the managers of the stores and the police dared to try to return the toys, it is literally impossible to determine which toy belongs to which store, as all the tags have been removed from the toys and the inventory logs from both establishments were destroyed.
But someone did, in fact, try to steal Christmas away from the thieving couple, as witnesses report that the vigilante figure Robin followed the couple across town to a confrontation. Santa's little helper, in her skimpy costume, hopped out of their sleigh and engaged in one on one combat with the armored Grinch for several minutes until Santa decided simply and almost magically to cover Robin in slush. The couple then vanished in a puff of snow.
"With guys like Black Mask and Joker around it's hard for me to have any lingering resentment for harmless crooks like these," commented Acting Mayor Hamilton Hill. In fact, with all of the city schools closed this week due to the Joker's bomb scares, a magical batch of toys couldn't have come at a better time.
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