Here's the ending, what do you think?

[graceofbass]

Edit: Sorry to everyone who posted before this, I don't think I had a good idea on what I was trying to get out of this thread. Hope this works: Well, the idea for this popped into my head and as I was writing it I realized that it was the end of the story. I'm not sure if I'll finish it (mostly because I'm not a very good writer) but I would like some input on what I have. Thanks!



The goblin king sighed, “I tire of the wait. Kill her.” Rowan turned towards the girl lying on the ground and raised his sword above his head.

“Don’t!” Krista cried out. Rowan bowed his head.

“Not all dreams come true, Krista,” he whispered.

“Kill her, Rowan,” The goblin king stood. “You are a creature of evil. Not even saving her could atone for all your sins. If you wish to live, do it. Now.”

“Rowan! What do I have to do to prove it to you? I love you, Rowan! I’d do anythi-”

“If I don’t do this, you’ll never be able to leave the Kingdom,” Rowans face twisted. “Some things are not meant to happen, girl,” The goblin king smiled.

Rowan swung. The sword came within a hairs breadth of Krista’s nose and bounced off a shield of white light that glowed on contact with the sword. The force of it threw Rowan off balance and he staggered backwards.

“Why?”

The goblin king smiled and laughed, “Ah, Rowan. It seems that I’ll have to explain in order to get the full enjoyment out of his moment. You are a thing of evil, and she is the embodiment of the good of this world. She is, in fact, the last container of any good in this world. You both cannot touch. So you, who have to kill her to survive, cannot touch her until she gives in and becomes mine.”

“You know that will never happen, Joran.” Krista stood up.

“Yes, it’s an ironic turn of events. Now I will have to kill Rowan, since he’s become useless to me.” The goblin king turned and stepped towards where Rowan lay. Rowan jumped up and ran towards the goblin king, sword ready to thrust. Joran smoothly brushed aside the blade and thrust his dagger into Rowan’s side. Krista gasped. “No,” she whispered. “No!” She ran to Rowan’s side and gathered his head in her lap. “Rowan, I-”

“K-Krista.” He muttered. She bent her head closer. Rowan muttered, “I love you as well,” as he fell lifeless in her arms. Krista looked up at the goblin king and her face hardened. “Joran.” She turned to face the goblin king. “You have lost.” She drew the dagger from Rowan’s side and stood to face the goblin king. “You have forgotten who I am, who I really am, haven’t you?”

Joran stared at her, wariness in his eyes. “You are nothing but a girl brought here from the World by the dying Priestess of Elessin. Morgan’s vision was wrong. You have failed, girl! Your comrades are in shackles or dead, and the one hero Morgan believed could save you is gone. It is you who have lost!”

“You really don’t see me, do you? Morgan was a true seer, and she was never wrong. As she died bringing me here, so was I reborn as her successor. I am the Last Priestess of Elessin, and you are destroyed!” With that, she raised the dagger over her head and began to chant in the sacred tongue, “Korwaith Elessin Sath Toweise Elessin Montorwaith Forsayin Jandaray Elessin! For Rowan!”

Light pierced through the darkness and hit the dagger of the goblin king. The knife soaked up the light until the blackness of the metal was pushed out in small beads of oil and flung from the blade by the power of the light. Krista took the dagger in one hand and thrust the tip toward Joran. The light pierced though him and lit up his body like the sun. “Atone Joran, or die!” Joran screamed in anguish, his body shaking. He shook his head and was turned to ash.

The dagger fell from Krista’s hand. Again she knelt by Rowan’s side. “I saved the Kingdom, but I couldn’t save you, Rowan.” She closed her eyes shut to stop the tears that wanted to come out, but couldn’t stop the flow. Krista wept for Rowan, she wept for Teel, she wept for Ariel, she wept for all her lost friends, and she wept for Morgan.

[Jam Stunna]

No offense, but isn't it your job to figure out the beginning and middle?

[graceofbass]

Well, this is more of just a general idea. I usually write pieces of the story, edit, and rewrite instead of brainstorming the entire thing. I have a general idea of what the story is about, but I wanted people to read it and share their insights on what they think could happen.

[The Mano Games VII]

No offense grace but there's a few problems with wat ur askin

1) If we tell you what we think the story is, we'll know exactly what happens as you write it which means anything that tries to suggest that the ending won't happen is something we know won't last.
2) You know more about the story than we do (or, in the words of some random website, "Or at least you better go**** well know more about the story than the reader!") so if you take our suggestions over your own, you end up sacrificing your creativity which results in either the story completely sucking, you maybe pumping a story but not having fun, or you just being fed up with how boring the story is.
3) Last but not least, it makes you seem unoriginal which is going to be a real drain on your reputation as a writer.

[raul]

I find it hard to believe you wrote an ending without any idea of how the characters got there.

[graceofbass]

Luckily for me, I wasn't really planning on writing a full story. I just don't seem to have the talent to go beyond coming up with ideas. Thanks for your input.

[graceofbass]

Hard to believe, possibly, but true. I tend to think of stories as movies in my head, and this scene popped in last summer after reading a whole bunch of books (because when I'm in school I never have time to read, unfortunately). I have a basic idea of how they got where they are and who the other characters are, but because I just imagined the scene by itself, I haven't fleshed out the rest of the story.

[metamarth123]

who the hell are those characters???????

[Ellio 2 b]

Have it be an epic quest that they screw up on!

[graceofbass]

I made up all the characters.

[The Mano Games VII]

"I just don't seem to have any talent beyond coming up with ideas" PFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT!!!!!
Excuse my bluntness, but c,mon man that's a cop out. You said yourself that you can imagine the scenes as movies, that's all you need to make up a story (not all you need to make a decent story but if you have imagination, you definetly have the potential). You say you can't, but I bet that if you really forced yourself to try, you can do it. Believe me, I know how difficult it can be to come up with a great story, as a matter of fact, that's why it's taking so long for me to update my story, "The Descending Evil".

The point is, you have to at least try if you want to go anywhere. Just force yourself to TRY to write a good story, it isn't always easy and there are probably plenty of procrastination problems to deal with. And if you have writers block and can't think of ANYTHING, just do what an author I know of did, just write a few paragraphs of the first thing that pops into your head, and work the thing from there. You obviously have an interest in writing to even be posting this at all, you can actually write a story if you invest enough time into it.

Edit: Oh shoot! my story just got bumped off the first page, gotta run!

[graceofbass]

Originally Posted by The Mano Games VII

"I just don't seem to have any talent beyond coming up with ideas" PFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT!!!!!
Excuse my bluntness, but c,mon man that's a cop out. You said yourself that you can imagine the scenes as movies, that's all you need to make up a story (not all you need to make a decent story but if you have imagination, you definetly have the potential). You say you can't, but I bet that if you really forced yourself to try, you can do it.

I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm only a semester away from graduating from college right now and don't have the time am too stinking lazy to really flesh out the story. I guess I just wanted to see if this was a ha;f-decent idea. Thanks for your input! (And thanks for saying I have imagination, it feels good to know that someone else thinks I have some too