SCENE ONE
Setting: a nondescript stadium. MARIO and KIRBY prepare to fight for some reason. PEACH and ZELDA watch from the sidelines.
MARIO: Let’s-a go!
KIRBY: (high-picthed battle cry)
Mario runs toward Kirby and attempts to kick him in the face. Kirby dodges and begins to suck in air. Mario is inescapably drawn toward the vacuum, and Kirby swallows him (or just bear-hugs him) and when Mario emerges, Kirby is wearing a Mario hat.
Kirby: Nice-a try!
Mario charges up a Smash attack, but Kirby dodges it and jabs Mario, sending him flying offstage, resulting in a loud Rocket KO. Peach gasps audibly.
KIRBY: BYE!
Suddenly, ominous music begins to play. PETEY PIRANHA appears, swinging two birdcages wildly. He roars loudly. The boss battle begins!
PETEY PIRANHA shoves PEACH and ZELDA offstage. KIRBY does a jab combo, but it’s ineffective, and PETEY knocks him to the ground with a birdcage attack. Kirby recovers and pulls a large wooden hammer out of this air, knocking the birdcages away and then KOing PETEY. The princesses return onstage, and swoon over KIRBY, who does his classic victory dance. Then they notice the two ROBs setting up the Subspace Bomb. The three run over and start trying to defuse it.
While they are distracted WARIO sneaks in stage left with a Dark Cannon. He snickers to himself, which ZELDA hears, causing her to turn around and notice him. He fires the cannon at her, knocking her out, and then drags her off stage left. PEACH and KIRBY start after him when the bomb’s final countdown begins. KIRBY summons a Warpstar and the two narrowly escape the blast, which bathes the entire stadium in deep purple light.
END SCENE I
SCENE II
Setting: the Sea of Clouds. Fog machine recommended.
PEACH and KIRBY fly through the clouds on their Warpstar. They pass an Arwing flying in the opposite direction, then look at each other and shrug.
After flying for a little while they arrive at a safe spot. As they catch their breath, a heavenly choir (that is, an actual group of betogad singers positioned below the stage) fades into earshot. A spotlight shoots down, and PIT descends to earth.
PEACH: Who are you—
PIT: Hark, mortals, do not be afraid! I am Pit, sent by the goddess Palutena to aid you on your quest!
CHORUS (sings): To aid you on your quest.
PEACH and KIRBY stare incredulously.
PIT: I will be of great help in your journey; for you see…
(holds up bow triumphantly)
PIT: my bow…
(separates bow into swords)
PIT: …is also swords!
Chorus (sings): His bow is also swords.
KIRBY isn’t impressed, but PEACH looks on in wonderment.
PEACH: Wow! (to Kirby) Look at that! (walks to Pit) And your wings… they look so soft…
KIRBY: (grabs Peach by the arm, and pulls her back towards him) Sorry, Pit, but we’re, uh, set for party members right now.
PIT: (dejected) Oh… okay.
KIRBY: (to Peach) Let’s go! We have to… um…
PEACH: Find Zelda?
KIRBY: …Yeah! That’s the ticket! (exits with Peach stage right)
PIT: Now who am I going to help... (He look around and spots Mario lying on the ground. He rushes over and helps him up.)
PIT: Who are you?
MARIO: (incredulous) It's-a me! Mario!
PIT: Oh, it's... (chuckles nervously) it's-a you.
Mario: That's-a right!
PIT: Anyway... (composes self) Greetings, mortal, do not be afraid, for I am--
PIT is interrupted when the Halberd flies by.
MARIO: That's-a what caused all this! (motions to Pit) Let's-a go! (exits stage right)
PIT makes the "yes" arm gesture and follows.
