A poem for Metaknight (also posted on brawl general discussion)

[choknater]

Mercy for the Creature with Sword

By choknater

Behind the mask, I view your wretched face.
Oppressed by commoners, enslaved by those
Who seek to spin and spin, setting the pace.
You claim proud destiny, won by a nose.

Your banishment that hangs upon a thread
The cyclonic strengths, rapid beyond blinks
Corrupt nectar envied by steak and bread
The johns shriek. What to do? Each party thinks.

In some trained hands you're cared for, lonely pet
Among yelping poodles, a quiet Dane
For others, bold, grave expectations met
Your wings be clipped, forever banned a main

Solutions never come. Fate unfurled,
One knight brings brawls of madness to the world.

 

[:034:]

*sniff sniff*

Such a beautiful poem...

 

[Asdioh]

That was deep. I liked it.

Posts: 7,953

O_O

 

[•Col•]

O_O

Join Date: Dec 2002

'Tis to be expected to have a high post count after so long.

What really baffles me is when someone who joined 3 months ago, has 5000 posts.

 

[choknater]

What do you guys think of the poem?

It is a sonnet but I don't really know if I made the right choice with the format. I just thought it'd be challenging.

 

[Dreadz18x]

dat was really good

 

[momochuu]

I liked it.

 

[Yello-Kirby]

Wow that poem is really good.Honestly do more of these.

 

[choknater]

Thanks, haha. I plan to, but for different characters

 

[Heroes_Never_Die]

Good work.

 

[nash123]

Cool poem.

 

[M15t3R E]

Impressive! Very true too.

 

[_Phloat_]

GnW next please.

Very good. *Snaps*

 

[choknater]

G&W? sure thing. should i keep em in sonnet format?

it's very challenging but they turn out well

it'll be harder to do other characters though

since metaknight has a whole scenario surrounding him

what with the banning, being top tier, etc. there was a lot to write about

 

[Palafrak the valiant]

The boy with the red cap
By Palafrak the Valiant

A boy with red cap struts confidently.
Wearing baggy shorts and crimson clown shoes,
His bat seeks those who dare to challenge him.
Yellow and blue clash upon his bosom,
As he does with evil. He has high socks.

Shooting firebolts from his hands, he burns.
Shooting green pulses from his mind, he shocks.
Striking evil with wooden bat, he fights.
Hands on his waist, gaze steady, confident
The boy nods whimsically; he inspires.

Undervalued by the common player,
Called "the worst," a constant victim of taunts,
He glances ahead, wearing confidence.
The boy nods whimsically; he inspires.

 

[choknater]

lol

this guy lives in my town^ he copid me looool english sonnet is supposed to be 4x4x4x2, ABABCDCDEFEFGG iambic pentameter what a noob. jk its very cute conner

Hey guys, I wrote one for sheik

http://www.smashboards.com/showthread.php?t=199441

 

[PowaStar]

I read your Sheik one first and I liked it I just now noticed you did MK and this one is great also keep up the good work.

REQUEST REQUEST: OH OH just for the lulz can you do Mewtwo for melee? I would love to hear how that one goes XD or maybe Pichu?

 

[choknater]

haha, sure, maybe. it takes a lot of effort for these things. they take a minute to read, but like an hour to write even if i rush em

and i dont wanna do that ^^

 

[technomancer]

You break meter several times ... Da thump da thump,
"What once was rich, now lost! At greater cost than int'rest paid." Too long of a line but da thump da thump. Also inappropriate arrhythmic rhyme.
"The johns shriek." Da Thump Thump.


...and a lot of the phrasings are a bit awkward or are incomplete sentences, i.e.
"Your banishment that hangs upon a thread ' - perfect except for the word "that".
The cyclonic strengths, rapid beyond blinks ' - needs a verb twice, there is some confusion with the word beyond, as it can be a noun or a preposition, but I think its fairly apparent. A straightforward structure would help clarify.
Corrupt nectar envied by steak and bread..." Needs more pizza cake, kind of awkward.

I love sonnets, but to write in sonnet is to enter the domain of the most powerful masters of form and wordplay, and you have to check that grammar. Don't make me have to put together what you're trying to say in my head, you have to say it clearly.

 

[choknater]

hm thanks for the advice. i need that constructive criticism i really appreciate it. this is my first time trying and i'm going to try much easier formats when i do others

sometimes it is good to challenge yourself : ) i acknowledge that sonnets are very difficult

 

[crewster]

Nice poem. Well Done

 

[Deoxys]

hm thanks for the advice. i need that constructive criticism i really appreciate it. this is my first time trying and i'm going to try much easier formats when i do others

sometimes it is good to challenge yourself : ) i acknowledge that sonnets are very difficult

Although your meter was bad, you have poetic license to fudge the grammar.

 

[Rob_Gambino]

I will not play him with my Fox.
I will not let him **** my stocks.
I do not like green eggs and (dtilt) spam.
I do not like them, Rob of Gam!

From the great Ihavespaceballs