Acceptable Johns: Oxymorons Abound

[Dai Tian]

"Cold hands... can't... react... FAST ENOUGH!"
It's pretty much the only one you can't do anything about. Don't have time to warm them up? Well doesn't that suck for you...

 

[SpongeBathBill]

"Pad miss."

Pad way off, pad ex, etc.

"Im really really high and I thought I was playing your character."

I lol'd.

 

[Beren Zaiga]

When I am Bowser.

1) "I pressed Dair instead of UpB!)
2) LAG!

When I am Lucario.

1)"You didn't hit my Double Team!"
2) The lag made me do it!"

 

[cookieM0Nster]

The best john is "It's against my religious principles to partake in the act of winning."

LOL, i like tis one.

"It isn't really a win if there isn't a Falcon Punch involved."

 

[JOE!]

"the dang control stick dont work!"




happens with all but one of my remaining GC controllers T_T

 

[C~Dog]

Go**** nana wasnt synced! =P

 

[xhan]

Hmm, favourite Johns when training with my gf (yes, and she's getting decent at ZSS too!) :

"You talked to much during the game"
"Your taunts frustrated me"
"You always know what I am going to do..."


last one is pretty acceptable, nice compliment too


Some others from people @ our monthly brawl evening in Berlin

"I play worse when I can't go for a smoke between rounds .."
"My RedBull's have no effect" (lol)
"You always ban my favourite stage"

 

[DKKountry]

A friend of mine has one of those girls who inexplicably gets horny and tries to distract him whenever he gets really focused on a game. It's definitely an "attention" thing, but it's completely entertaining to watch lulz. He has acceptable johnz.

Of course there's my personal favorite: "sorry man, I wasn't focusing on the game 'cause you're mom's on my d!k. lol

 

[*P*L*U*R*]

"I was too busy having sex with my girlfriend. Enjoy being good at Brawl, lol"

****

 

[Praxis]

What about Bracket Johns? Legit or not?

 

[King Funk]

What about Bracket Johns? Legit or not?

"I wasn't placed as well as Mew2King!"

 

[Overclassed]

"I wasn't placed as well as Mew2King!"

Or maybe... "I was inexplicably placed WITH M2K!"

That might be one P:

 

[Lythium]

"You always know what I am going to do..."

I use that one on my boyfriend too. But in all fairness, he's pretty much the only person that I play with.

 

[Dekar173]

"why Do I Have To Play You First Every ****ing Tournament"

 

[HiddenBowser]

I think OS was angry at Bowyer one time because Bowyer kept making up heaps of Johns, he said that it was Bowyer's fault that he had cold hands and that he should have been wearing gloves before hand to make sure that his hands are warm.

I don't think I've ever made cold hand johns. If I had cold hands, I would warm them before playing... The john I made to him was that I suicided twice in the last game...

 

[POKE40]

"play melee"
lol don't flame me now

 

[UncleSam]

"My feet hurt."

What Kind of john is that!?

 

[C.Olimar788]

Eh, the only one's I really deem acceptable are stuff like buttons being legitimately broken or being pwn'd by the stage or an item that spawned next to an opponent (the latter only really work on 1-on-1, though).

 

[c3gill]

As I use Lucas, my most common john (after seeing someone post it on the Lucas boards):

"I have no priority"

most people just kind of accept that as a worthy john.

 

[z3r0C0oL]

lol, i clicked this thread to say cold hands, and it looks like its been covered.

Same as playing guitar, just doesnt work if your hands are cold.

 

[☆_Mutha-Foxin GangstaKirby_☆]

:flame:
I know of two, both of which seem to be perfectly acceptable (although the first usually starts a fight, depsite being acceptable).

1)YOU ONLY WON BECAUSE YOU USED METAKNIGHT! (I always punch the first person who says that to my friends).

2)YOU ONLY WON BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO ME DURING THE MATCH (Personal John whenever a girl uses her body to fight instead of her hands, which ends up making me die very quickly, very easily, and is an uncounterable action. Seriously, GIRLS, DON'T WEAR TANKTOPS AND SPEND THE GAME SITTING IN THE OTHER COMPEDITOR'S LAP, BRUSHING YOUR BODY AGAINST HIS! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S VERY DISTRACTING AND MAKES IT HARD TO FOCUS! ;.; )
:flame:

you sir should have made it into a gangstakirby combo(lol inside joke), and said **** brawl, lets have sex <.<

"Wifi......"

the absolute most acceptable john ever, wifi is a **** and people take advantage of lag to say oh u called a no contest from lag, u lose the ladder match :/

"It isn't really a win if there isn't a Falcon Punch involved."

everytime i see a falcon punch im just glad to be part of the moment ;_:

Go**** nana wasnt synced! =P

nana is the retardedest cpu ever, cpu nana on ur side shud at LEAST be a 9 soloclimber if it gets too far away...

"why Do I Have To Play You First Every ****ing Tournament"

every single tournament, i get ****ed by the top 5 in the first rounds, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS

also my favorite john is "god, captain falcon is so ****ing broken"

 

[Flawless Fan]

"I've got cramps"
Legit john for girls

 

[OutlawStar]

My R button was stuck,
which it really does every once in a while because my controller is so old.

 

[dancingfrogman]

"If you tripped the other way, my F-smash would've owned you, lucky B*stard!"

"Now now, why do I always have to the top guises, dis iz just unfairers sob sob sob"

"my C-stick had a spasm and does afraid of everything, otherwise me = win"

 

[Kamikaze*]

Lag.

/thread

 

[BBQ°]

My R button was stuck,
which it really does every once in a while because my controller is so old.

use the L button. No johns

 

[Salvo Fenris]

Cold hands seems to be the most universally accepted john.

Whenever playing at friends' houses or my house, controller johns are accepted if they prove to be true. Such as my friend whose GC controller always registers c-stick as going up. Always. Or mine, on which the 'X' button will occasionally register as an 'A' (really screws up a Ganon recovery when you Fair instead of double jump.)

 

[Nidtendofreak]

Is "He knocked me to the ground, shanked me with a plastic fork, then attempted to strangle me with my own controller cord!" an acceptable john?

 

[Smash_Of_Fate]

Cold hands and tripping johns are acceptable... But all those "hot girl" johns or whatever are only acceptable if youre a horny 14 year old kid, which most of you are so I guess its ok You'll learn to have some self control when youre older

Agreed.

I accept the old controller malfunctioning, lag, tripping, and to a point SDs.

 

[Scaphist]

Someone please tell me that gamestop controller John's are acceptable.

 

[LuLLo]

Someone please tell me that gamestop controller John's are acceptable.

Buy better ones

 

[McAllister]

"This controller sucks. It's not doing what I tell it."

One of my controllers has the fairly interesting condition of occasionally refusing to pick up a return to the neutral position. This has lead to many variations of the above comment as characters has dashed off stages, muffed recoveries, and crawled around to a soundtrack of frustrated shouts. Of course, I rarely concede that the controller has a problem, and often reply that they obviously aren't very good at the game. The controller is given to an irritating freshman on my floor out of custom, and it always gets him back out of my room quickly. I love that controller so much.

 

[Ray_Kalm]

"You're Falco/DDD/Ganon (xD)."

Fixed.

 

[Laijin]

I think everyone here can accept the fact that this is a complete 100% legit john:
"I tripped"

 

[SpongeBathBill]

Whenever playing at friends' houses or my house, controller johns are accepted if they prove to be true. Such as my friend whose GC controller always registers c-stick as going up. Always. Or mine, on which the 'X' button will occasionally register as an 'A' (really screws up a Ganon recovery when you Fair instead of double jump.)

I once had to play with a controller that registered a mild left input at all times. I had to hold it slightly to the right just to stand still. It was an accepted john, for sure >_>

...it only just now occurred to me that I could have just held it slightly to the right and then plugged it back in.

 

[DDM]

no...but I reckon I can think some up and what CAN happen for example:
"hang on...HANG ON!!! *attempts to pause* I need go go take a *bleep* in the bathroom!"
*plays till end of match and run off...*
Few moments later
*flushing sound*

Ladies and gentlemen, the "I need to use the John" John.

 

[Negi-Kun]

HD/Online lag is the only one I'll accept.

 

[Zero]

"Sorry, I wasn't playing my best, all of my brain power was used trying to think of an acceptable john".

 

[pacmansays]

HD/Online lag is the only one I'll accept.

Ditto this. Times a hundred

Ladies and gentlemen, the "I need to use the John" John.

Hahahaha, I thought this was quite funny

 

[Kewkky]

"Are you seeing this? my controller's cstick won't work!" *tries it* "It wasn't working a while ago"

x4 or x5 during a match where he's losing


... and once after a matched when he 3stocked a friend of ours.

THAT is the STUPIDEST john ever. D:



And acceptable one? Wifi/HDTV lag... Maybe even lack of sleep before a huge tourney because your friends were partying all night and groping each other's *****, keeping you on your toes and not letting you sleep.