JesiahTEG
Smash Master
I'll get straight to the point. I've learned/am learning an incredible amount of what people are capable of, and I'm working my hardest to create a huge level of success in all areas of my life, including wealth, relationships, fitness, and pretty much everything I do.
Whether you want to lose weight, make more money, solve issues with your girlfriend/boyfriend, get along better with your parents, get better grades...Anything, I'll definitely try my best to help you out with those problems, as they are all overcomeable. Anyone and everyone can be a better person, and I think we should all strive for greatness. This would be a good place to do it, but ONLY come into this thread and participate if you are serious about changing your life and/or achieving greatness. No arguing.
I don't even know if this thread will be successful or not in terms of people improving themselves and wanting to be able to do that, because you have to want it more for yourself than anyone else wants it for you. If we get good response though, then we'll definitely keep it going.
Leadership
Leadership is one of, if not the most important skills to have in life. Being a great leader in any situation will get you extremely far in life. I'm going to go back through a book I read called, "How to win friends and influence people," by Dale Carnegie, and discuss his strategies for becoming a leader with you all. There are many principles to know and understand that this book clearly defines. Thousands of leaders everywhere have used this book to achieve greatness, so we can definitely benefit from it.
I can absolutely promise you, GUARANTEE you, that you will see changes in your life if you take this advice that I'm going to share with you and practice it in your everyday life. If you're in high school, you can be that popular person that everyone wants to hang out with. If you have a job, you can get a promotion, or a raise. If you play sports, you can be the captain of the team next year. You can be that person in your college class that everyone comes to for advice at the end of the class. Everything revolves around leadership and having the ability to influence people. Leadership is a skill that anyone and everyone can develop. It does not matter who you are right now or what you think about yourself. If you can speak, you can lead.
I think it would be great if, we can all study these principles, go out and practice them in daily life, come back and report results, share tips, etc. Maybe you guys will want to do that, maybe you won't. Either way, let's get started.
Lesson 1: Do not criticize.
Criticizing someone puts them on the defensive, and makes them strive to justify themselves. Man's greatest motivation, the biggest driving force behind everything we do, is a sense of purpose and importance. Everyone wants to feel recognized or appreciated. Some people will do anything to be noticed. For some people, their sense of purpose is found in donating thousands of dollars to charity. For others, their sense of purpose is found in murder. Now, murdering someone to feel important is obviously wrong, but that brings up this wondering statement: If someone would go as far as to murder someone to feel important, imagine the influence we can have on people if instead of criticizing them, we give genuine, honest appreciation.
Criticizing hurts people's pride and diminishes their sense of importance. Overall, whether they express it or not, it arouses resentment. Criticizing will demoralize employees, family members, friends, peers, teammates etc. Examples of the futility of criticism can be found everywhere, just open your eyes and watch next time someone is criticized. See if they perform better. Chances are, they won't.
Here's a story taken right out of the book. A construction manager reported that his employees seldom wore their hardhats, if they even wore them at all. After noticing this, he approached them, and with a voice of authority and power, told them to wear their hardhats, because those were the rules. You can guess what kind of effect that had. They wore their hats whenever he entered the area they were in, but as soon as he left they took their hats off. This is because criticism does NOT create lasting effects. It does not leave a permanent impact, and if it has any effect at all, it's temporary at best.
Next time he noticed them not wearing hats, he decided to try something different. He walked up to them, and asked them why they weren't wearing their hats. In a pleasant voice, he explained to them that they were designed for their safety in the workplace, and suggested to everyone that they wear them. The workers wore their hats from that day on.
Lesson learned: The results of criticism if there are any, are temporary, and in most cases, the resentment aroused from it lasts a long time. Nothing good can come from criticizing, and for every person you criticize, that is one less person whose respect you have, and in whatever endeavor you are trying to lead in, that is one less person who will follow you. You don't want to make people feel bad, regardless of if they show it or not. Knowing that criticizing makes someone feel bad, it hurts their pride and sense of importance, DON'T DO IT! Even if you're not trying to be a leader, making people feel bad is something we should never do.
How to apply this rule in your life: If you're someone who criticizes a lot, it's going to take a lot of practice and conscious effort to change. Start off by giving everyone advice, instead of criticism. If you want to give someone advice, make sure to do a few things when giving them advice. First, start off by praising their efforts thus far, and making them feel good about whatever it is they have done. Then, offer them genuine advice on what they could have done better. You have to ask yourself, "What's in it for them? What can they get out of my advice that will improve whatever it is they are trying to do?" Here's an example.
You're in English class, and someone has just written a story and it's your turn to critique them, give them suggestions, etc. Here's the wrong way to go about it.
"Well, you left out a ton of detail when talking about the graveyard, to be completely honest I didn't feel scared at all, I just felt like I was walking through another alleyway. Add detail to the graveyard so you can have a stronger effect on people."
Now, notice how you weren't mean at all, and you weren't trying to make them feel bad. However, even if they don't express it to you, on the inside they are feeling a bit stupid since they're in front of a class and they feel they have failed on a part of their essay. They're resenting you, even if it's only small resentment, for pointing out their errors. This would be a better way of going about it.
"Well John, the way you portrayed the main character's emotions was awesome. It added a sense of realism that the reader can really relate to. Nice job on that. The graveyard scene could use a bit more detail. Graveyards hold a lot of potential in a story to make people feel fear, since they are a symbol of fear. Maybe go back and add a few physical details in to capture the reader more and add even more to that sense of realism your character has. Good job overall!"
There are so many differences between the criticism and advice that I can point out, but the main difference is that you have made them feel good about what they have accomplished so far, and given them a way to add to their greatness thus far. As opposed to the first statement, in which you are basically telling them they failed. People RESPECT that. People will like you and listen to what you have to say. Even in other areas of life, your advice to them will be taken much more seriously than advice from someone else.
One last example. You and your girlfriend meet at the mall, and she's wearing a hat you don't like. Here's the wrong way to go about it.
"Sandra, why are you wearing that hat? It makes you look kinda goofy, I'd lose it."
As opposed to:
"Hey babe, I love your shirt, the color really looks good on you. You know how much I love your hair though, I think you'd be better off without the hat. I love seeing your hair."
Again, huge difference. You make her feel stupid on one hand, and she's probably going to be like, "Well I like hat, and my friends think I look good in it!" If you approach her the second way, most likely the answer will be something like, "You really think I look better with all of my hair showing? Well, ok then." Or something like that. Obviously there are going to be girls who just don't care what you have to say, but a large majority of the time this is the best way to do it.
So, just start by every time you are going to criticize someone, think about what you really like about whatever it is you're discussing, and how to help them improve upon it. Of course, if you genuinely don't care about the person than it's going to be difficult, so it's important to have respect for, and care for everyone you come across.
Whether you want to lose weight, make more money, solve issues with your girlfriend/boyfriend, get along better with your parents, get better grades...Anything, I'll definitely try my best to help you out with those problems, as they are all overcomeable. Anyone and everyone can be a better person, and I think we should all strive for greatness. This would be a good place to do it, but ONLY come into this thread and participate if you are serious about changing your life and/or achieving greatness. No arguing.
I don't even know if this thread will be successful or not in terms of people improving themselves and wanting to be able to do that, because you have to want it more for yourself than anyone else wants it for you. If we get good response though, then we'll definitely keep it going.
Leadership
Leadership is one of, if not the most important skills to have in life. Being a great leader in any situation will get you extremely far in life. I'm going to go back through a book I read called, "How to win friends and influence people," by Dale Carnegie, and discuss his strategies for becoming a leader with you all. There are many principles to know and understand that this book clearly defines. Thousands of leaders everywhere have used this book to achieve greatness, so we can definitely benefit from it.
I can absolutely promise you, GUARANTEE you, that you will see changes in your life if you take this advice that I'm going to share with you and practice it in your everyday life. If you're in high school, you can be that popular person that everyone wants to hang out with. If you have a job, you can get a promotion, or a raise. If you play sports, you can be the captain of the team next year. You can be that person in your college class that everyone comes to for advice at the end of the class. Everything revolves around leadership and having the ability to influence people. Leadership is a skill that anyone and everyone can develop. It does not matter who you are right now or what you think about yourself. If you can speak, you can lead.
I think it would be great if, we can all study these principles, go out and practice them in daily life, come back and report results, share tips, etc. Maybe you guys will want to do that, maybe you won't. Either way, let's get started.
Lesson 1: Do not criticize.
Criticizing someone puts them on the defensive, and makes them strive to justify themselves. Man's greatest motivation, the biggest driving force behind everything we do, is a sense of purpose and importance. Everyone wants to feel recognized or appreciated. Some people will do anything to be noticed. For some people, their sense of purpose is found in donating thousands of dollars to charity. For others, their sense of purpose is found in murder. Now, murdering someone to feel important is obviously wrong, but that brings up this wondering statement: If someone would go as far as to murder someone to feel important, imagine the influence we can have on people if instead of criticizing them, we give genuine, honest appreciation.
Criticizing hurts people's pride and diminishes their sense of importance. Overall, whether they express it or not, it arouses resentment. Criticizing will demoralize employees, family members, friends, peers, teammates etc. Examples of the futility of criticism can be found everywhere, just open your eyes and watch next time someone is criticized. See if they perform better. Chances are, they won't.
Here's a story taken right out of the book. A construction manager reported that his employees seldom wore their hardhats, if they even wore them at all. After noticing this, he approached them, and with a voice of authority and power, told them to wear their hardhats, because those were the rules. You can guess what kind of effect that had. They wore their hats whenever he entered the area they were in, but as soon as he left they took their hats off. This is because criticism does NOT create lasting effects. It does not leave a permanent impact, and if it has any effect at all, it's temporary at best.
Next time he noticed them not wearing hats, he decided to try something different. He walked up to them, and asked them why they weren't wearing their hats. In a pleasant voice, he explained to them that they were designed for their safety in the workplace, and suggested to everyone that they wear them. The workers wore their hats from that day on.
Lesson learned: The results of criticism if there are any, are temporary, and in most cases, the resentment aroused from it lasts a long time. Nothing good can come from criticizing, and for every person you criticize, that is one less person whose respect you have, and in whatever endeavor you are trying to lead in, that is one less person who will follow you. You don't want to make people feel bad, regardless of if they show it or not. Knowing that criticizing makes someone feel bad, it hurts their pride and sense of importance, DON'T DO IT! Even if you're not trying to be a leader, making people feel bad is something we should never do.
How to apply this rule in your life: If you're someone who criticizes a lot, it's going to take a lot of practice and conscious effort to change. Start off by giving everyone advice, instead of criticism. If you want to give someone advice, make sure to do a few things when giving them advice. First, start off by praising their efforts thus far, and making them feel good about whatever it is they have done. Then, offer them genuine advice on what they could have done better. You have to ask yourself, "What's in it for them? What can they get out of my advice that will improve whatever it is they are trying to do?" Here's an example.
You're in English class, and someone has just written a story and it's your turn to critique them, give them suggestions, etc. Here's the wrong way to go about it.
"Well, you left out a ton of detail when talking about the graveyard, to be completely honest I didn't feel scared at all, I just felt like I was walking through another alleyway. Add detail to the graveyard so you can have a stronger effect on people."
Now, notice how you weren't mean at all, and you weren't trying to make them feel bad. However, even if they don't express it to you, on the inside they are feeling a bit stupid since they're in front of a class and they feel they have failed on a part of their essay. They're resenting you, even if it's only small resentment, for pointing out their errors. This would be a better way of going about it.
"Well John, the way you portrayed the main character's emotions was awesome. It added a sense of realism that the reader can really relate to. Nice job on that. The graveyard scene could use a bit more detail. Graveyards hold a lot of potential in a story to make people feel fear, since they are a symbol of fear. Maybe go back and add a few physical details in to capture the reader more and add even more to that sense of realism your character has. Good job overall!"
There are so many differences between the criticism and advice that I can point out, but the main difference is that you have made them feel good about what they have accomplished so far, and given them a way to add to their greatness thus far. As opposed to the first statement, in which you are basically telling them they failed. People RESPECT that. People will like you and listen to what you have to say. Even in other areas of life, your advice to them will be taken much more seriously than advice from someone else.
One last example. You and your girlfriend meet at the mall, and she's wearing a hat you don't like. Here's the wrong way to go about it.
"Sandra, why are you wearing that hat? It makes you look kinda goofy, I'd lose it."
As opposed to:
"Hey babe, I love your shirt, the color really looks good on you. You know how much I love your hair though, I think you'd be better off without the hat. I love seeing your hair."
Again, huge difference. You make her feel stupid on one hand, and she's probably going to be like, "Well I like hat, and my friends think I look good in it!" If you approach her the second way, most likely the answer will be something like, "You really think I look better with all of my hair showing? Well, ok then." Or something like that. Obviously there are going to be girls who just don't care what you have to say, but a large majority of the time this is the best way to do it.
So, just start by every time you are going to criticize someone, think about what you really like about whatever it is you're discussing, and how to help them improve upon it. Of course, if you genuinely don't care about the person than it's going to be difficult, so it's important to have respect for, and care for everyone you come across.
