Bill and Lance holstered their guns on their shoulders.
"Who's Bill and Lance?" says one of our artists.
They drop their guns to the side of their waist and shoot and endless stream of spread-shot bullets onto our minions.
"JOOOOOHN!!" I scream in slow motion, running towards his falling, hole-filled body, extending my arm and open palm in hopes of reaching him before he hits the ground. John's knees slowly droop and his torso falls back. I dive and catch John a second before he touches the ground. "John...!" I say.
"...Simon...?" John moans, strengthless. "...it's OK Simon... I've lived my life without regrets... thank you... for everything...!" His hand falls on the ground.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
*Camera pans up in the sky*
Kids play gleefully at a local playground, across the street from their school. There are kids waiting in line to be the next challenger in a game of handball, little girls are playing jump rope chiming rhymes, teasing their peers, and many other kids doing various other activities.
A little boy comes running from Main Street, quickly hopping over all the cracks in the sidewalk while holding a white plastic bag by the handles.. He reaches the outskirts of the playground and scans the area.
"Found him!" He runs towards another boy and says, "Hey, Simon!"
"John!" says little Simon.
"I got the new Super Mario Bros. 2!!"
"Really?! Let's go play it at your house!"
"Alright!"
Simon and John run through the playground, running through the handball courts, jumping through the jump ropes, hopping through the hopskotches, and kicking through a game of marbles.
"Hey!" says a boy playing marbles.
John turns around while running and says "TOUGH S*** B****!"
Simon laughs and they continue their journey to John's home, they get there in about ten minutes. John struggles to open the door while Simon pressures him to hurry up. Before John is able to insert his key in the doorknob, someone opens the door.
"Oh, my." Says a middle-aged woman. "You boys look like you're in a hurry."
"Hi, mom!" says John.
"Hi Mrs. John!" says Simon.
"Oh, hello Simon." The boys run past her. "Don't run in the house!" She sighs as the boys ignore her.
John pulls out a box from his bag and an ominous glow emits from the object. "...whoa..." they both say. After a few seconds of admiration, John quickly shreds the shrink wrap, tosses it aside, opens the top of the box, removes the innards, and finally pulls out the cartridge. They notice how smooth a fresh new cartridge is and so they rub it against their cheeks.
"Enough of this gay s***! Plug the game in already!"
John puts the game in, turns the system on, and picks up the controller.
"Whoa! You can play 4 characters!" says Simon.
"Yeah! Look at that mushroom guy, haha!" They both chuckle.
After 15 minutes of playing, John's mom comes in with drinks and snacks. "Here you go boys. Even though it's the weekend, I don't want you boys playing too much, OK?"
"Yes, mom."
"Yes, ma'am." They groan.
--
"I'll never forget those times, John." I sob. "You would always play the easy parts and you would let me play the hard parts, just so you wouldn't have to go through the frustration. Those were good times... Speaking of good times, remember when your hot mom would always bring us food? I always looked down her blouse. I've wanted to tell you earlier, but you know, you were alive."
Touched by my story, one of the Dudes came up to me and patted my shoulder.
"Dude...!" My eyes tear up while the comfort of the Dudes' hand is on my shoulder. I slowly turn my head to look at the Dude, but then he squeezes his hand, giving a grip of a thousand mechanical cranes on my shoulder. He lifts me off my feet and slowly turns me around.
Before my eyes meet with his, I can already tell what he's trying to say to me. His expression, which I can subtly tell in the corner of my eye, says:
"NEVER MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE DUDE."
He throws me west at the speed of light. My body catches on fire from the tremendous force, and I revolve around the world.
Forty six times.
I end up in a room with two little kids playing Super Mario 2. I think, 'They look awfully familiar...' A large hand suddenly grips on my shoulder and lifts me up in the air. In the corner of my eye, I see the other Dude, and his expression says, "MUST PREVENT TIME PARADOX." He throws me east at the same velocity.
I land on the desert floor, naked, and motionless.