Bread Discussion (Really, I'm serious)

[PCHU]

well if falco ever needs a hand kirby will be there. hes a good chef, hence his final smash, not saying he can make bread but if falco needs a hand in doing so then theres always kirbys pot.

just throwin that out there

Sorry.
Kirby is on that pot, we can't take drug users.

 

[psykoplympton]

Sorry.
Kirby is on that pot, we can't take drug users.

lawls

10bonghits

 

[PCHU]

But we're currently looking for more people.
Problem here.
We've found out that many characters have taken steroids, and we don't accept those with skill attained through drugs.
True skill, like in Lucario is what we want.
If they promise to not repeatedly beg us for bread, then we don't have a problem.
Falco still works alone, though.

 

[Asdioh]

Falco still works alone, but he doesn't always HAVE to do everything himself.

It's true. In Star Fox 64 (great game) he works with Fox, Slippy, and Peppy. You see, he could have destroyed the whole enemy army by himself, but he doesn't care for getting all that glory. (Why do you think he let Fox be the leader, and have it called Star FOX when it could have easily been Star FALCO?) Plus, he likes to make it interesting by having teammates, it adds a challenge. He can't just pewpew everything in sight, he has to put a little effort in that way.

All that "I can't shake this guy" and "I can use some help here, Fox!" stuff, just ploys.

hopefully I used "ploy" in the correct context

 

[PCHU]

It's true. In Star Fox 64 (great game) he works with Fox, Slippy, and Peppy. You see, he could have destroyed the whole enemy army by himself, but he doesn't care for getting all that glory. (Why do you think he let Fox be the leader, and have it called Star FOX when it could have easily been Star FALCO?) Plus, he likes to make it interesting by having teammates, it adds a challenge. He can't just pewpew everything in sight, he has to put a little effort in that way.

All that "I can't shake this guy" and "I can use some help here, Fox!" stuff, they're just ploys.

hopefully I used "ploy" in the correct context

Now I'm sure you have used it correctly.

 

[Starry Might]

It's fine when it's moist. Completely hard bread is nasty. People don't eat it, because it's like concrete. So instead they feed the old bread to ducks/geese at the pond.

It's actually often the mold fermenting that bread that kills them.

Anyway, Falco keeps his bread fresh under the stairs. He prefers the stairs, you see.

Really? I see.

You've got it all wrong.
Falco is a VERY special bird in that he can handle almost anything that can be eaten.
He may not be able to fly, but that's because he traded that for the ability to down BREAD.
Since BREAD is so powerful and good, he can eat almost everything.

Personally, I think that since he's a HUMANOID bird, he (and every other avian citizen of the Lylat System) can safely eat BREAD (oh, and regular plain bread, too).

 

[Onomanic]

Roy has teh phir3. Does that cook bread?

 

[PCHU]

Roy has teh phir3. Does that cook bread?

Falco didn't have BREAD in Melee.
Read the guide again.

 

[Tyser]

What is the meaning of this 'bread' shenanigans? Im hella confused.

 

[Starry Might]

Roy has teh phir3. Does that cook bread?

Falco didn't have BREAD in Melee.
Read the guide again.

What about Ike? After all, he's got TEH PHIR3 now!

What is the meaning of this 'bread' shenanigans? Im hella confused.

Basically, it's a meme born out of people mishearing Falco's Down Taunt as "Hands off my BREAD!" instead of "Hands off my prey!"

 

[null55]

No.
Falco uses the bread through a psychic link to THE FALCO ZONE.

This is officially ridiculous.


Not even funny... Just idiocy.

 

[PCHU]

This is officially ridiculous.


Not even funny... Just idiocy.

And what do you think you are?
Seriously, this is a thread for jokers, not people like you.
I stay on both sides of Falco: Fun and competitive.
But it's people like you that I don't like.
Why come into a thread and spoil the fun?
We don't come into serious threads and start relating moves to bread, or call your techs ridiculous.

If you don't like the thread, DON'T POST IN IT.
Long story short for those who are tl and dr.

 

[Beetle Juice]

PCHU what shiro is trying to say is that this thread has officially died out, disscussing bread once a week would of lasted longer, but daily caused the bread to be moldy.

In your own bread termanology (lol), you just got chain grabbed spiked by my falco.

 

[PCHU]

PCHU what shiro is trying to say is that this thread has officially died out, disscussing bread once a week would of lasted longer, but daily caused the bread to be moldy.

In your own bread termanology (lol), you just got chain grabbed spiked by my falco.

You spelled terminology wrong, and I spelled it without spellcheck.
You also spelled discussing wrong.
But who am I as a 14 year old to correct another?

Also, people are still posting in this thread.


Look, it isn't you, but I'm sick of people directing their posts to me, talking about how I should be banned for spam, how useless I am, and how I should either join the competitive discussion or get off smashboards.
What's wrong with you people?
This IS the internet, but grow up.
Everyone has spammed ONCE in their life, and I hate to see everyone treat me like I'm the "evil one".

I know a lot about the competitive side, despite being so young.
Talk to me as you would others, as I am merely one of you.

 

[null55]

And what do you think you are?
Seriously, this is a thread for jokers, not people like you.
I stay on both sides of Falco: Fun and competitive.
But it's people like you that I don't like.
Why come into a thread and spoil the fun?
We don't come into serious threads and start relating moves to bread, or call your techs ridiculous.

If you don't like the thread, DON'T POST IN IT.
Long story short for those who are tl and dr.

Lol, no I can enjoy the joking. It's how stupid the bread discussion has become that me post something serious. I wasn't trying to be one of those super serious metagame-obsessed people, but it has gotten to the point where you need to wrap it up...

PCHU what shiro is trying to say is that this thread has officially died out, disscussing bread once a week would of lasted longer, but daily caused the bread to be moldy.

In your own bread termanology (lol), you just got chain grabbed spiked by my falco.

Pretty much...

 

[null55]

You spelled terminology wrong, and I spelled it without spellcheck.
You also spelled discussing wrong.
But who am I as a 14 year old to correct another?

Red herrings are immature.

 

[PCHU]

Red herrings are immature.

My bad.
I'm a grammar freak, so sorry if I came off as rude.
I can't stand words that have the red underlining, and I feel the need to correct them.

But as long as people post, this thread won't be wrapped up.
And how is that done, anyway?
Someone is going to come back and post.

Where'd the melon!!!!! go?

 

[ShuffleTrain]

Should I make another picture?

 

[PCHU]

Should I make another picture?

You aren't the melon!!!!!.

And sure, why not.
Make a really good picture, like....
A WARIO DOO.
Or do some BREADMASTER destroying everyone.
You could take the whole BREAD guide and do pictures for almost everything.

I was thinking about it, but I'd need help if I ever wanted to get started on it.
Like drawing types of BREAD and the various machines and such.

 

[shadowtroop]

hey..

Intro: This is an explanation of Falco’s Bread. It is meant as a repository of knowledge about this mysterious foodstuff, so that inductees into Falco-ness will know whence comes their power.

Very little of this information is mine; I’m summing everything I’ve been able to find up and I’ll be happy to provide links to reference if you want the exact quote. In fact, most of it is PCHU’s. So, thanks, PCHU, the melon!!!!! and everyone else.

The Rules of Falco’s Bread (A Summarization)

I. Bread Classes
A. Wonder Bread
B. Good Bread
C. Bread
D. Moldy Frozen The-Entire-Loaf-Is-A-Heel-Slice Bread
II. How To Make The Bread
III. Pizza Cake
IV. Other Characters and the Bread
V. BREADMASTER!!!!!!
VI. The Falco Zone

Intro After the Other Intro: Why read about the Bread? That’s like asking why want to know about Captain Falcon’s Knee, or why want to know about Ike’s friends. Falco’s Bread is made of Element 141, Pwninium. Falco is the keeper of this substance, as lesser characters cannot control it. A unique element housed in Falco himself (Falconium) reacts with the Bread, giving Falco control over his, and its, powers. Falco, were he to release his true capabilities, would be capable of stupendous feats of ownage. He could leap tall buildings in a single short hop, and on the way down shoot 472 lasers lagless, all of which would hit even a crouching Snake. Chainmeteoring would be all of his grabs, and the laser would have enough hitstun to laserlock a standing character. His down-B would just be called the Pillar.
In short, the Bread is pretty freakin’ awesome, and so is Falco.

Note: Bread is always bolded. Otherwise it’s just bread.
The BREADMASTER!!!!! is always italicized and bolded and all caps, otherwise it’s just a phailmaster.

Onwards and upwards!

Classes of Bread:
Wonder Bread: Wonder Bread is the Bread of champions. Literally. Only the pros have access to this type of Bread. Wonder Bread has several mysterious properties. It is the only type of Bread that can be had by a non-Falco-Mainer. If a pro mains Falco and another character, they get Bread, whereas an amateur cannot have Bread without maining just Falco. Second, there appears to be no special way to make Wonder Bread. Falco Brand Garlic appears to be automatically made with Wonder Bread.

Good Bread: Good Bread is what true contributors to Falco’s metagame, true disciples of the Bread, and really good Falcos get. There is also Forbidden-Class Good Bread, which is for good people who can’t go to tournaments. This is just really good Bread.

Bread: Element 141 This is the mystical substance that all true Falco mainers have. It is Garlic and Cheese, and few know how to make it. It is stored inside Falco himself, his blaster, and extra is in The Falco Zone. The Bread you all know and protect.

Moldy Frozen The-Entire-Loaf-Is-A-Heel-Slice Bread: This stuff is so nasty, it’s not even bolded. It’s what all your Bread turns into if you defect, or if you’re only a Falco secondary. The whole loaf is a heel slice without crust. So it’s all sorta curly, and hard, and it’s just generally bad stuff.

How To Make The Bread:

The Bread is only made by true Breadmasters, but a few hints have been leaked. Falco Brand Garlic costs over $9000 per clove, but is a necessary part of the Bread. True elite Breadmasters actually make the garlic along with the Bread.
Bread is baked during Falco’s Fire Bird, and is made during almost all of his moves. Chainmeteoring, in particular, is a major producer of Bread.

Pizza Cake:

Element 140. Pizza Cake is not bolded, but it is capitalized. This is because, in Brawl, it is not as important as the Bread. The Pizza Cake was thought, for a time, to be just a special cake. Then a great scholar of the Bread, PCHU the FENIX, discovered several great secrets. Though he did not say so, Falco had Pizza Cake in Melee. It was codenamed Shine, and with it, he could shoot opponents upward, cancel it with a jump, and spike them down, now commonly known as pillaring. He kicks around the old Pizza Cake, and says its name in his up taunt, and uses it as his down-b. Now that he has the Bread, Falco relies on the Pizza Cake less. Nevertheless, it is a valuable weapon in his arsenal.

Other Characters and the Bread: Falco has made many enemies, as those who are awesome generally do. Let’s clear things up a little: Falco is the only character who can make Bread. There have been several attempts to make Bread, all of which have been unsuccessful and even disastrous. The few attempts to steal Falco’s Bread have all ended in catastrophe.

Pikachu: Pika was one of the first offenders. They staged a devious attack on Falco’s Bread, infiltrating the Falco Zone with crack squads of little yellow rodents in order to pilfer Bread. They were all flattened by a BREADMASTER!!!!!!

Lucario/Ganondorf: A pitiful attempt at stealing bread that was foiled by a simple down taunt.
Game and Watch: They have long proposed that bacon is better than Bread. The poor fools. Their cooking skills are terrible. They blacken everything they cook. Blecgh.

Captain Falcon: In the early days of Brawl, Captain Falcon tried to make his own Bread using a combination of the Knee and the Falcon Punch. He took part of the Knee and toasted it. It tasted horrible, and he lost most of the power of the Knee. It’s kind of sad, actually.

Fox: The only other character that can actually make Bread. He long ago led a massive raid against The Falco Zone when Falco could not fully control the Bread. Falco hired Wolf, and, for the price of a (Somewhat inferior) blaster, Wolf bombed the raiders, and foiled Star Fox’s plot. Today Fox prefers not the air, but tofu. Fox drives a Nerdmaster.

Wolf: See Fox. Wolf drives a Phailmaster.

Ike/Marth/Metaknight: The trio, in Subspace Emissary, went out of their way, knowing Falco’s Bread would defeat Tabuu no matter what they did, and made peace with Falco. Even today they are fast friends. Falco loans Ike Bread occasionally so he can have some food.

BREADMASTER!!!!!

The BREADMASTER!!!!! is the vehicle Falco uses when he doesn’t want to get his feathers dirty owning the few who dare oppose him. It is powered by gasoline made from Falco Brand Garlic extracted from Falco Brand Bread. The Bread is held on both ends while another person makes it Do a Barrel Roll! while keeping it warm with a Fire Bird.
The original BREADMASTER!!!!!! was not italicized, bolded, all caps, or exclamation’d. It was just a Breadmaster. Then, later, it became all caps, then bolded, and then, finally, it was italicized and exclamation’d. The newest model is called the PCHU4EVERTHEFENIXMASTER!!!!!!. It's huge. Bigger than 90 New Pork Cities, and is more powerful than two Chuck Norrises. (New Internet fad: PCHU4EVERTHEFENIXMASTER facts!) It has 360 staircases, and a hidden shortcut to the top known only to a select few. PCHU himself abides at the top, ready to laserlock the unwary all the way down the stairs with his retrofitted, homing blaster.

The Falco Zone

The Falco Zone is where Falco hangs out in between brawls. He keeps his excess Bread that does not fit in his Laser, his body, or his pockets, there as well. There’s an army comprised of Waddle Dees, Waddle Doos, Gordos, and the rare Wario Doo inside The Falco Zone. Falco also stores his various vehicles here.

Some Things You Forgot.

1. BREAD has a little brother named GRAPE, He is the only one worthy to be the future sucessor of BREAD.

2. Falco has BREAD in Melee (get a japanise transalator and use his taunt over and over in the japan version of Melee).

3.BREAD has other brothers as well.

 

[PCHU]

Some Things You Forgot.

1. BREAD has a little brother named GRAPE, He is the only one worthy to be the future sucessor of BREAD.

2. Falco has BREAD in Melee (get a japanise transalator and use his taunt over and over in the japan version of Melee).

3.BREAD has other brothers as well.

Did you really have to quote the ENTIRE BREAD GUIDE?

You spelled successor wrong.
You spelled Japanese wrong.
You also spelled translator wrong.
And BYETEHWAI.......

1. You forgot to bold the BREAD, so technically you are referring to normal bread.
I'm okay with that.

2. All you need to do is switch the English option to Japanese.
Also, everyone was his prey.
He was possibly the best character in the game, so anyone who challenged him was prey, with the exception of the Elite 4, AKA Other Falcos, Foxes, Marths, and Sheiks.

3. I'm well aware bread has brothers.
But BREAD never knew its family.....
And its family never knew BREAD.

Not to be rude but, gotta protect the BREAD's rep, y'know?

 

[Bouse]

http://smashboards.com/showthread.php?t=189233

The mythological origins of Falco Lombardi, and his Bread.

 

[Lone Shadow]

I like the bread jokes and all, but lately its getting out of hand...I mean what was the point of making this thread if someone makes 4 others with a one-liner and some random pic.

 

[PCHU]

I like the bread jokes and all, but lately its getting out of hand...I mean what was the point of making this thread if someone makes 4 others with a one-liner and some random pic.

Well, there seemed to be an overabundance of bread-related threads and posts, so I went and made this thread so it could stop.

I made this thread because....
1. Other threads were clogged up with jokes.
2. People were getting mad.
3. Some still wanted to joke.
4. For some variety at smashboards.
Competitive is nice and all, but relax and be creative.
Who knows, it might even help you with the competitive side.
One idea leads to another.....

 

[Zench]

hmh, i just want to be part of this one.


According to recent research...

- More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

- Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

- In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

- More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

- Bread is made from a substance called 'dough.' It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

- Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer`s, Parkinson`s disease, and osteoporosis.

- Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

- Bread is often a 'gateway' food item, leading the user to 'harder' items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

- Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.


- Newborn babies can choke on bread.

- Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

- Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions :

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide 'Just Say No To Toast' campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

5. The establishment of 'Bread-free' zones around schools.

(no, i did not wright that my self)

 

[Lone Shadow]

Well, there seemed to be an overabundance of bread-related threads and posts, so I went and made this thread so it could stop.

I made this thread because....
1. Other threads were clogged up with jokes.
2. People were getting mad.
3. Some still wanted to joke.
4. For some variety at smashboards.
Competitive is nice and all, but relax and be creative.
Who knows, it might even help you with the competitive side.
One idea leads to another.....

Oh sorry if I worded that wrong and made it sound offensive to you. What I mean is, whats the point of a person wasting his time to benfit the forum is dum people are going to continue to spam...btw I do love the bread jokes lawl for anyone who thinks I'm no fun XD

 

[Xyro77]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbgxF7EvwlM

 

[PCHU]

Oh sorry if I worded that wrong and made it sound offensive to you. What I mean is, whats the point of a person wasting his time to benfit the forum is dum people are going to continue to spam...btw I do love the bread jokes lawl for anyone who thinks I'm no fun XD

Oh, okay.
I tend to come off as rude when I try to make a point, so don't take it offensively.
But when spammers see the word bread, chances are they'll stay here.
I used this thread to soak up all the jokes, and if anyone wants to make a contribution to the joke pile, they can do it here and nowhere else, unless the topic comes up.

 

[ShuffleTrain]

Oh, okay.
I tend to come off as rude when I try to make a point, so don't take it offensively.
But when spammers see the word bread, chances are they'll stay here.
I used this thread to soak up all the jokes, and if anyone wants to make a contribution to the joke pile, they can do it here and nowhere else, unless the topic comes up.

Soak up the jokes?

Are the jokes "soup"?

I like tomato soup.

 

[Shy Guy 86]

Thank god that the Falco boards aren't filled with Bread discussion anymore...

 

[PCHU]

Soak up the jokes?

Are the jokes "soup"?

I like tomato soup.

I don't.
But bread does soak up a lot of things, like GAAAAAAAAARRLIIIIIIIIIIC.

Thank god that the Falco boards aren't filled with Bread discussion anymore...

That's what this thread is for.

 

[MyNameIsRyan]

I prefer Garlic Knots

 

[superdude44]

I know you keep telling me about this "bread" so I finally checked it out. it`s pretty(funny or cool) well thanks for sharing the bread... oh sorry I meant bread JOKES.

 

[shadowtroop]

Where is GRAPE in all this?

OHSHI-

 

[Denzi]

Why did you bring this back?
*cringes*

 

[CELTiiC]

Where is GRAPE in all this?

OHSHI-

Why'd you bump an almost 2 month old topic

 

[§witch]

****
10****s

 

[ZeroFox]

This thread is full of win. I love you.

 

[Darxmarth23]

i used to hate bread, but thats all changed because to this thread.

 

[PCHU]

This thread is full of win. I love you.

Ok.....thanks......

i used to hate bread, but thats all changed because to this thread.

I made all of this stuff up, and I am a funny kid (especially in the AiB chat).

But laughs and jokes is what this was made for.
Speaking of which, if there are five more posts, I'll update the guide.
Even though this is cool, I feel as if I'm going to get yelled at.