Do I Live Too Deep In My Comfort Zone?

[Miggz]

Link to original post: [drupal=1214]Do I Live Too Deep In My Comfort Zone? [/drupal]



I attended a smash buddy's wedding a few days ago. He's 21 years old and he's been together with this girl since high school. He's the same age as me and ever since then I can't seem to quit questioning myself. I'm an extremely funny, passive, polite individual with many friends. Despite the large amount of friends I have, never have I ever been in a relationship with a girl before. I've been single since day one. It hasn't been bugging me much but it has somewhat lately.

For the past few days I have been trying to find the answer. One of my work colleagues suggest that I live too deep in my comfort zone. She also went to say "girls aren't into nice...sweet guys yet. They are interested in the tough boys at this point." I agreed with the first point about the comfort zone part, not so much about the "not into nice guy" line, but I digress. I do spend my weekends either smashing with friends, working, doing college work, or simply staying home. Doing these things make me really happy. But, at the end of the day...I'm not really putting myself out there.

I don't drink, smoke, go clubbing, or anything like that. Not that I have anything against those activities. I prefer going to the movies, beach parties, house parties, or even a restaurant. You know, stuff like that. But at the same time, I don't want to be single forever. I'm not insecure or anything like that. I find myself attractive, open, and I don't tend to let people's negative thoughts rain on my parade. But I must admit that it would feel good to experience a relationship. I guess you can say I'm old fashion, I don't believe in dating a woman just for her looks or for just the sexual pleasure. I believe in value and respect.

So I suppose my question is...if I step out of this comfort zone, will I find someone? The idea frightens me, I won't lie. I always felt a little uncomfortable going to places like clubs. I just don't know what to expect anymore. Its kind of frustrating. There are days were it feels like time is running out and I freak out cause I can't see what my future holds.


I just wish I knew...

 

[|RK|]

You don't have to go to clubs or anything like that. Have you ever tried... asking someone out? Most girls believe that the guy should ask them out and whether they like you or not will not ask you. If you haven't asked anyone out, that's pretty much the only way you should step out of your comfort zone. Ask yourself this: "If I have to step out of my comfort zone to find a life partner, is my relationship REALLY worth it?" You have to be yourself at all times, or else you can't find the right girl. Oh, and if you value a girl who will respect herself... do you REALLY want to go clubbing or smoking?

 

[mzink*]

I am exactly like you, you pretty much described me. I found someone just like both you and me, pretty early and I've been married for two years now. Its true that most young people seem to be looking for something else, but there are people of a nature like ours scattered among them lol. I too am very comfort zone oriented, but it is good to get yourself into new situations where you can meet many different people. The best way is to just do it gradually. You don't have drink or anything, but you can go to a club with some friends and dance a bit or just hang out if you don't feel like dancing. In most clubs there are areas to just chill with a drink and talk to people. And have your own ride so that you can leave anytime you want if you feel like you've had enough. But again you don't HAVE to do stuff like that, I mean if you try it and you don't like it, no bigge. There's plenty of other activities to do with other people. The main thing is just to expose yourself to many new people that you are comfortable being friendly with. You're bound to run into someone you click with.

 

[Miggz]

@ RK_Joker : To be honest..no I haven't actually. Perhaps that's one of the problem right there. I can't believe I didn't even mention that in my post. Haha. I suppose deep down, I'd hope the girl would approach me like in some of the movies I've seen. But this is life, so I suppose I should try harder in that respect.

@ mzinkk9 : Its nice to see someone who feels the same way as I do. Yeah I just wish those people weren't so scattered. This would make things so much easier. Haha. But I suppose it simply doesn't work that way. I do have my own ride so I have means of leaving the club if I do start to feel pressured or uncomfortable. I must admit though...when I think of "clubs" all I do think about is people drinking and all that jazz. I suppose I should have kept in mind that I don't necessarily have to drink to have fun at a club. Hm, very interesting. :-)

 

[mzink*]

Well if you do ever decide to go, just make sure that there are a couple people in the group that you go with that you are very comfortable hanging out with, good friends and such. You'll be more inclined to have a decent time, or at least feel less uncomfortable. But yea like I said, there's plenty of other things to do as a group, so if you really wouldn't prefer goin dancin, no bigge. Get to know your friends' friends, and their friends. Get big groups together. I know a lot of people that ended up hookin up with a friend of a friend lol. And when you do meet someone, don't be afraid to reach out and be friendly, get to know each other and get comfortable with each other, and then ask her out sometime

 

[Asdioh]

I am exactly like you, you pretty much described me.

Me too! I was going to say "wow, this guy is exactly the same as me!"

I found someone just like both you and me, pretty early and I've been married for two years now.

._.

ok, we're different.


My problem, Miggz, is that I've met plenty of great girls...

...

...but they all have boyfriends already. X_X

And I'm usually too nervous to introduce myself to strangers, at least in the school setting. Like there's this cute girl in my classroom of 70 people, that I noticed one day because she randomly sat near me instead of on the other side of the room like she usually does. She seems (physically and from what little behavior I've seen) to be the kind of girl I'm looking for. Sort of a shy, quiet-looking girl.

The problem is, I don't even know her name. I have no idea how I'm supposed to approach someone like this without coming off as really weird. -_-

 

[mzink*]

And I'm usually too nervous to introduce myself to strangers, at least in the school setting. Like there's this cute girl in my classroom of 70 people, that I noticed one day because she randomly sat near me instead of on the other side of the room like she usually does. She seems (physically and from what little behavior I've seen) to be the kind of girl I'm looking for. Sort of a shy, quiet-looking girl.

The problem is, I don't even know her name. I have no idea how I'm supposed to approach someone like this without coming off as really weird. -_-

Well its not so much as just walking up and holding out your had and introducing yourself. Find something to talk about to her. Or even just make a random comment about something that happened during class. It could be pretty much anything. Then if she responds well, like if she gives a chuckle or something or agrees with you or whatever, after that just be like "by the way I'm ..... and she'll answer back with her name. Then if you want just have a short light convo if you feel like you have something to add or if she seems like she wants to keep talking. Then you can gradually start talking to her more and more and start hanging out together and stuff. And then ask her out.

 

[|RK|]

Exactly. It's always best to have common ground, be it a distaste for an assignment, dislike of a teacher, whatever. It'll give you something to start a conversation with, and then you can get to know each other better, and gain more common ground.

 

[PeanutSC]

Man, I love smart, shy, thoughtful, respectful gamer guys.

You're only 21 dude! My ex was 22 and almost out of college when I started dating him, and I was his first girlfriend! I mean, I guess it's helpful to get out there a little and learn how to approach people (any plausible pretext will do), but don't worry about it ... your time will come!

 

[mzink*]

Man, I love smart, shy, thoughtful, respectful gamer guys.

You're only 21 dude! My ex was 22 and almost out of college when I started dating him, and I was his first girlfriend! I mean, I guess it's helpful to get out there a little and learn how to approach people (any plausible pretext will do), but don't worry about it ... your time will come!

Same here, my hubby was 22 when I started dating him. I was his first serious relationship. And yea he's a smart, respectful gamer guy

You've got time man, don't fret.

 

[Miggz]

Man, I love smart, shy, thoughtful, respectful gamer guys.

You're only 21 dude! My ex was 22 and almost out of college when I started dating him, and I was his first girlfriend! I mean, I guess it's helpful to get out there a little and learn how to approach people (any plausible pretext will do), but don't worry about it ... your time will come!

Hey thanks for comment. Tat gave me so much hope just now, you have no idea. Thanks again for that one.

 

[Jam Stunna]

Look at it this way: if you step out of your comfort zone to meet someone, you'll have to live out there to be with them. The key is to extend what you like outwards in a way that it will encompass a girl that you can see yourself with. Don't do different things just for the sake of being different, because then you'll find yourself in a place you don't like.

And to what your female friend said, she's right. Females in our age group do generally tend to go for "bad boys"...as much as females like to pretend that they mature faster, they're just as lost as the rest of us. They get attracted to the wrong things and the wrong people, just like we do, and they don't learn better until they're older, just like we do.

You're problem may be that you're too mature for your own age. In which case, you have to either seek out the rare individuals who are at your level of maturity (which is hard), wait for everyone else to catch up with you (which takes time), or start looking for older women (which is what I did).

 

[Pink Reaper]

Im just gonna go ahead and say it.

**** your co-worker's advice.

Like Jam said, if you find a girl who only likes you outside of your comfort zone, you'll only be uncomfortable with her. It may take time(many girls in our age group are rather shallow, sad to say but true) but you really do want to find someone who likes you for you, not you for the you you're pretending to be so you can get a girl.

Trust me when I tell you this, the time alone may bother you somewhat, but not nearly as much as being in a relationship with someone you don't really care about who doesn't care at all about the real you.

 

[Ishiey]

Lots of good advice here. What the two posts before this said, don't go past your comfort zone or you'll likely end up someplace that you don't really like. And there's always time, don't think that by 23 everyone but you will be married or whatever, because that's far from reality. Do what's comfortable, and when you find someone else that's comfortable in the same environment and enjoys your presence, take your chances.

 

[S.B.Soldier]

it took me a very long time to be comfortable with my girlfriend (before we dated).. I knew her 10 years before we dated, and you never know just who in your life may spring up... dont lose hope... this girl, my girlfriend, has had a crush on me since 6th grade! , but yet i knew nothing until fresh man yr of college... hows that for oblivious? anyways dont lose hope ok? and when you find someone who loves u for who u r... fight for them. dont ever let them go.

 

[Miggz]

Thanks everyone who responded to my thread! I really appreciate all of the advice you all have given me. I'll keep everyone's advice in mind. I can't thank you all enough. Thanks again.

XD

 

[Kappie]

You described yourself playing games and such in the weekends, or doing just nothing, and happy with it. But sure you must have fallen in love with someone, that feeling alone will make you wanna go out and have fun with that person right? Maybe you should straight out ask that girl to go eat at a nearby place or something. Just have a good time and experience.

 

[Miggz]

You described yourself playing games and such in the weekends, or doing just nothing, and happy with it. But sure you must have fallen in love with someone, that feeling alone will make you wanna go out and have fun with that person right? Maybe you should straight out ask that girl to go eat at a nearby place or something. Just have a good time and experience.

I loved your direct comment.

Well I am pleased to let you know that a girl ask me out for pizza few days ago...work colleague of mine who is two years younger. She is going away to University soon though, so I have no clue how that one would work.

But at least I am getting out more though.

Thanks a bunch. ^^;

 

[fromundaman]

Ehhh... long distance is tough... It's definitely doable, but yeah... I do it because I met the girl long before and have fallen for her completely; enough so to do long distance, but let me tell you, long distance sucks balls. I wouldn't suggest trying it if you have a choice...

 

[Cherry64]

Link to original post: [drupal=1214]Do I Live Too Deep In My Comfort Zone? [/drupal]



I attended a smash buddy's wedding a few days ago. He's 21 years old and he's been together with this girl since high school. He's the same age as me and ever since then I can't seem to quit questioning myself. I'm an extremely funny, passive, polite individual with many friends. Despite the large amount of friends I have, never have I ever been in a relationship with a girl before. I've been single since day one. It hasn't been bugging me much but it has somewhat lately.

For the past few days I have been trying to find the answer. One of my work colleagues suggest that I live too deep in my comfort zone. She also went to say "girls aren't into nice...sweet guys yet. They are interested in the tough boys at this point." I agreed with the first point about the comfort zone part, not so much about the "not into nice guy" line, but I digress. I do spend my weekends either smashing with friends, working, doing college work, or simply staying home. Doing these things make me really happy. But, at the end of the day...I'm not really putting myself out there.

I don't drink, smoke, go clubbing, or anything like that. Not that I have anything against those activities. I prefer going to the movies, beach parties, house parties, or even a restaurant. You know, stuff like that. But at the same time, I don't want to be single forever. I'm not insecure or anything like that. I find myself attractive, open, and I don't tend to let people's negative thoughts rain on my parade. But I must admit that it would feel good to experience a relationship. I guess you can say I'm old fashion, I don't believe in dating a woman just for her looks or for just the sexual pleasure. I believe in value and respect.

So I suppose my question is...if I step out of this comfort zone, will I find someone? The idea frightens me, I won't lie. I always felt a little uncomfortable going to places like clubs. I just don't know what to expect anymore. Its kind of frustrating. There are days were it feels like time is running out and I freak out cause I can't see what my future holds.


I just wish I knew...

Whomever taht girl is is smart. Girls don't like nice guys till they are out of school. school girls like will awlays like douchey guys that are hot enough to turn them on by flipping their hair (Okay that's a slight exaduration). Women like nice men.

 

[Cheapless Jared]

Tharts true.

 

[AranOcean]

I'm sure you'll find a nice girl that will like you for who you are. Just be patient.

 

[Cheapless Jared]

I'm sure you'll find a nice girl that will like you for who you are. Just be patient.

 

[AranOcean]

*sighs* I guess my advice didn't help much.

 

[Cheapless Jared]

In 6th grade, I was about to go out with the hottest girl in school, but I was too shy, and never did, I knew she liked me to. I was such a *******.

 

[fromundaman]

Dude... 6th grade? Come on...

 

[Cheapless Jared]

I'll tell you one thing, she wasn't flat. No siree! But that was like 3 years ago.

 

[fromundaman]

...

My point was not on looks (though a 6th grader... ummm... yeah...), but that you're judging the way you're supposed to find a good girl based on experiences you had in the 6th grade? Seriously?

 

[Cheapless Jared]

...

My point was not on looks (though a 6th grader... ummm... yeah...), but that you're judging the way you're supposed to find a good girl based on experiences you had in the 6th grade? Seriously?

Yeah, but I didnt explain it in full detail, my point was, if you don't act on it, nothin will happen. That was just one of my experiences. She was my friend anyway.

 

[AranOcean]

I'll tell you one thing, she wasn't flat. No siree!

Thanks for the deatails? ... lol

 

[abit_rusty]

Well, you know, straying out of your comfort zone is subjective. If it means actually conversing with a girl on a regular basis in an attempt towards dating/a relationship, then that's totally fine. But so much so that you stop being yourself, of course that won't do. You'll want the girl to like you for you, and fakers will inevitably get bitten in the *** sooner or later.

All that stuff about girls liking the bad boys and what not is probably true for high school-ish range, but it's much easier to find people who share the same interests as you and have the same values in college and so on. You can attend all sorts of events outside of the club/party scene where you can find girls who like the same things you do.

By the way, I'm old fashioned as well, and there are plenty of girls out there looking for guys like that. I'll tell you one thing, if you do find that special someone, or potential someone, respect their values. It'll go a long way in building their trust.

 

[mzink*]

I'll tell you one thing, if you do find that special someone, or potential someone, respect their values. It'll go a long way in building their trust.

Excellent input, absolutely true.

 

[Hive Mind]

I am also experiencing this problem (like everyone else). I prefer not to go into details.

 

[Miggz]

Ehhh... long distance is tough... It's definitely doable, but yeah... I do it because I met the girl long before and have fallen for her completely; enough so to do long distance, but let me tell you, long distance sucks balls. I wouldn't suggest trying it if you have a choice...

Yeah I read about long distance relationships.

They do sound complicated.

It must be hard to fill that "void" when your lover is in another place.

Loyalty wouldn't be my problem...just loneliness.