Bsrk_
Smash Ace
Ever watched a film that you loved/ loathed and didn't have the chance to bicker, moan or praise it_? Well hold in your repressed emotions no more_ Discuss your thoughts on any films you've seen in this thread_
So to kick things off i guess i'll ***** about a movie i just watched called 'Mutant Chronicles'_ OMFG_!! Generally when you see a film with Ron Perlman AND John Malkovich, you would assume it to be worthwhile and a little bit ****ing enjoyable_ But oh no i couldn't be any more wrong_
Okay so where to start_ The ridiculously samey 'mutants' that just have one ****ing claw, shaved heads and are all males_?! Whch apparently are created from a magical machine that appeared from under the earth and started pumping out mutants *waves hands in air*_ Oh but could it be how ****ing stupid finally seeing this great machine is_? The fact it's a stupid rocket with gears that appear to do nothing and a conveyor belt that magically turns you into a mutant that is powered by **** knows what_ Perhaps magic dust or some crap_
The film is pretty much done entirely on green screen and it shows_ Backdrops look so fake that it reminds me of those days at scitech in like primary school when you stood infront of a camera and pretended to do stuff and then it added you into a fake background_ No seriously the effects are so bad it's not even laughable_ Blood that looks like someone threw a paint bucket at them, a fog of war that;'s just an excuse to not have a background an create darkness that technically shouldn't exist, dodgy smoke_!! Smoke ****ing smoke that should be so easy to create, apparently is harder then it should be_
The story is laughable, it's apparently in the future but doesn't seem to be in the future but is in the future but still looks like 1942 wtf_?! Oh wait did i mention stupid mutants_? Ron Perlman (Hellboy) is apparently in some cult that is sworn to protect the seal over this stupid machine of ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION *flails hands in air* and some prophecy, select few people to defeat it blah blah, oh wait, some broad who can dual wield swords but can't read_ Hardly any action and stupid things drag on forever, even though the footage is being fastforwarded slightly to make things look hectic, it still takes forever just to sit down in a plane and take off_
So for anyone who is interested in film and wants to see what a bad green screened film looks like, by all means watch 'Mutant Chronicles' but watch it in fast forward_ Even then i can't guarantee that fast forwarding it will make the film easier to enjoy, it still feels like forever_ To anyone else who might go 'ooh mutants i love mutants', THINK AGAIN JIVE SUCKER!! These mutants are not the fun lazer shooting, adamantium boned, psychic powered wonders we grow up to love_ My suggestions, just masturbate until you go cross eyed and faint because it's probably alot more fun than watching this will ever be_
So to kick things off i guess i'll ***** about a movie i just watched called 'Mutant Chronicles'_ OMFG_!! Generally when you see a film with Ron Perlman AND John Malkovich, you would assume it to be worthwhile and a little bit ****ing enjoyable_ But oh no i couldn't be any more wrong_
Okay so where to start_ The ridiculously samey 'mutants' that just have one ****ing claw, shaved heads and are all males_?! Whch apparently are created from a magical machine that appeared from under the earth and started pumping out mutants *waves hands in air*_ Oh but could it be how ****ing stupid finally seeing this great machine is_? The fact it's a stupid rocket with gears that appear to do nothing and a conveyor belt that magically turns you into a mutant that is powered by **** knows what_ Perhaps magic dust or some crap_
The film is pretty much done entirely on green screen and it shows_ Backdrops look so fake that it reminds me of those days at scitech in like primary school when you stood infront of a camera and pretended to do stuff and then it added you into a fake background_ No seriously the effects are so bad it's not even laughable_ Blood that looks like someone threw a paint bucket at them, a fog of war that;'s just an excuse to not have a background an create darkness that technically shouldn't exist, dodgy smoke_!! Smoke ****ing smoke that should be so easy to create, apparently is harder then it should be_
The story is laughable, it's apparently in the future but doesn't seem to be in the future but is in the future but still looks like 1942 wtf_?! Oh wait did i mention stupid mutants_? Ron Perlman (Hellboy) is apparently in some cult that is sworn to protect the seal over this stupid machine of ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION *flails hands in air* and some prophecy, select few people to defeat it blah blah, oh wait, some broad who can dual wield swords but can't read_ Hardly any action and stupid things drag on forever, even though the footage is being fastforwarded slightly to make things look hectic, it still takes forever just to sit down in a plane and take off_
So for anyone who is interested in film and wants to see what a bad green screened film looks like, by all means watch 'Mutant Chronicles' but watch it in fast forward_ Even then i can't guarantee that fast forwarding it will make the film easier to enjoy, it still feels like forever_ To anyone else who might go 'ooh mutants i love mutants', THINK AGAIN JIVE SUCKER!! These mutants are not the fun lazer shooting, adamantium boned, psychic powered wonders we grow up to love_ My suggestions, just masturbate until you go cross eyed and faint because it's probably alot more fun than watching this will ever be_
) and not be sick of it. It's just too good
