Let's Try to Guess Sakurai's Logic With Balancing Characters

[Firus]

Note he could've possibly been drunk during all of this character planning.

Nah, he was definitely completely sober, and that's the sad part.

Contrary to popular belief, Sakurai is not Satan. Nor is he the root of all evil. So leave the dude alone about the balance issues already.

It's a joke thread. Stop being such a stick in the mud.

Maybe you should add "Joke thread" to the title for people who are too defensive of Sakurai to realize it's a joke.

 

[Puddin]

His logic is simple "My baby is the best, everyone else must suffer"

 

[ShadowLink84]

Dude, almost all of Sonic's moves ARE from his fighting games.

Which is why he got Shadow's Dair instead of an axe kick right?

Or why he doesn't have a flurry of kicks like in sonic the fighters.

Shoot I could stand the specials, but not the Dair, no way should he have a Dair like that, Shadow used that kick in Sonic battle not Sonic,

 

[kainsword]

If Sonic had his axe kick from Sonic Battle, at the very least Sonic would have two methods of KO...

Back Air kills light weights like Olimar at relatively low 213% damage (not including DI), and the random spike gimps (which because the gravity is so horrible, I've yet to see any good spike gimps).

 

[woopyfrood]

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!

I get a Yoshi cookie and Lon-Lon milk now, right?...

 

[Bowser King]

His logic is simple "My baby is the best, everyone else must suffer"

"Except Snake. I was an idiot and let *snakes creator* work and design him."

Obviously an creator is going to over power there character. Especially a person who hasn't worked on a smash game before. Maybe sakurai was to lazy and didn't bother testing him

 

[Twilght Link]

Hm Legend of Zelda is Nintendo's best series so lets make Link suck again :D. This time i'll make him have better projectiles but make him weaker, nerf his recovery, and change his spin attack animation from the trailer because it looked too cool... and why not nerf it too! Oh but let's give it a chargable feature so it can get more powerful....but lets make him completely immobile during it, just to make it useless :D. Hmmm his Windwaker counterpart is more cartoony and cuter, making him more similar to my beloved kirby characters so lets make him WAY better than Link, whom i despise oh so much. But just for the irony, lets give him the same moves with slightly different properties and a few different standard moves just to make him appear different and because the LoZ series is my worst enemy so i can get back at them all now :D! Brillia- OMG WHAT'S THIS?! LINK SPIKED MK WITH A DTILT?! Let's change its properties to make it completely useless in a match :D and while we're at it, give Tlink a spike in his dair :D but make him sd with it if he misses for the added wackiness. BRILLIA- o wait give Tlink a dark color swap just so he gains as much popularity as Link!

 

[Candide]

Sakurai: Hmm, the females seem to be doing well on the tier list back in the day. Let's nerf them into oblivion and take the traits that make them good, and give it to male characters! Yes! Power to the men! Let's give samus' sex kick to luigi, her missle knockback to snake, and her charge shot to lucario! Her bombs explode upon impact? Nonsense!

Let's give sheik's fair to olimar! He can now combo his fair out of a dthrow, sound familiar?! Remove needle canceling, psh, let's make some other projectile like link's arrows ground canceled nowadays? She seemed to have good KO'ing power on everything, lets give that to snake why dont we.

Hmm, what about zelda. She seems to suck alot, but to secretly make my master plan a secret, lets make her good this time. But little do they know, she is glued to the ground and trips a 100 times per minute! MUAHAHAHAH!

Jigglypuff? Middle tier? Nonsense! Give her rest to luigi, yes! Since we cant have her wall of pain doing anything anymore, why don't we just add multi-airdodging for the heck of it... brilliant!

For Peach:

*laughs*

I like to play with Barbie so let's add a character that looks like her.

Oooooo....Peach looks like Barbie. But wait, she looks too wise and smart. Let's give her a "SOMEBODY PLEASE **** ME" face! And while I'm at it, I'll let Hearts fly out of her butt to make her extra special!

*laughs*

Every gamer likes to play with themselves while looking at a female-looking polygons! How about we give her bigger breasts and buttocks?

*sigh*

Awww... in my last game she was WAY too strong. Let's make that move where she hits people with her dress a little softer! She is a female after all and females are soft...delicate creatures.

*brain spark*

Hmmmmm... She floats way too high in Melee. Let's make her vertical recovery suck so she can get ***** my Snake and Captain Falcon! Oooooo... and that smack throw has got to go.....girls don't smack that hard.

Spoiler

Remember people, this is a joke thread.

I've always thought Brawl was sexist, but there was never a good topic to say so... Notice how a decrease in male hegemony indicates that a society (or series) is moving forward, while a return to it means it's moving backward...

 

[Rouenne]

Link...I hate that idiot, gets more fangirls than me! Okay just make all his projectiles little hurting and pathetic, a predictable spin slash. Mwahaha! Where's your popularity now, b**ch?
(Sees many Link players) A**!!!!

 

[MajinNecro69]

Sakurai: Ho boy! It's January! Brawl's coming out! What's this? Meta-Knight ISN'T top tier? We've gotta fix that!

*DELAY*

Sakurai: Alright! We took Ganon's powerful knee, Captain Falcon's powerful knee, and evenly distributed 90% of their combined power to Meta-Knights moves, and the remaining 8% to Ganon's knee, and whatever's left to Falcon's knee! PERFECT! What's this? Snake's not top tier? I'll just give Link's bomb power to Snake's grenades! PERFECT! I'm so smart. Can I haz cheezeburger???

 

[PCHU]

Sakurai: Ho boy! It's January! Brawl's coming out! What's this? Meta-Knight ISN'T top tier? We've gotta fix that!

*DELAY*

Sakurai: Alright! We took Ganon's powerful knee, Captain Falcon's powerful knee, and evenly distributed 90% of their combined power to Meta-Knights moves, and the remaining 8% to Ganon's knee, and whatever's left to Falcon's knee! PERFECT! What's this? Snake's not top tier? I'll just give Link's bomb power to Snake's grenades! PERFECT! I'm so smart. Can I haz cheezeburger???

Sakurai is an EPIC FAILURE, as GANON HAS NO KNEE!

 

[Chepe]

I think the balancing game is very easy to understand with Sakurai. There's a pattern that exists in both Melee and Brawl: nerf the good, buff the bad. Pikachu/Ness/Kirby into Melee and then Fox/Shiek/Peach/Falcon/Ganondorf/Samus into Brawl are obvious examples of nerfs to characters that were very good at a basic level of the game.

In Brawl however, we also see favoritism. Yes, Dedede being the best heavyweight of his class is favoritism, and Meta Knight having the attack speed many characters left behind in Melee is horrid. But it extends beyond his characters.

Sakurai plays favorites with certain new characters, especially if he might feel "sorry" for them. Snake for one, I think he made sure he was good because it was his friend's character. He knew he couldn't make him fast without making his playstyle seem awkward to Snake's character, so he just gave him lots of priority and power to make sure his somewhat slow movement capabilities wouldn't hinder him too much. This is the opposite of what I believe he did to Mewtwo in Melee (make sure he wasn't too powerful).

Other characters, like Toon Link and ROB, I think he favors for their cuteness, and I think he wanted to prove their worth to players who he thought might not like them (and in fact there were many that hated the idea of either character). I for one was certain that ROB and Toon Link were going to be competitive just because they seemed like shaky additions and Sakurai would want to make sure they were taken seriously...

Basically, I think Sakurai goes: nerf those who seem excessively powerful in casual play, buff those who were rather weak, and make sure those favored characters don't suck.

 

[SlickSlicer]

Metroid: Metroid will be BUTTER if I gave him the skillz to summon his girlfriend by taunting a lot. also his gf will abuse a whip because FACE it, metroid likes ruff times in the bedroom.

pokemon trainer: not one of the pokemon will have a b down move because pokemon can only learn 4 moves. all their a moves just count as close combat. :/

****** zelda: he's just like regular zelda but he hits people more often because he can see them better with his huge eyes!!

sword kirby: eh, sword kirby will be a bit more serious than kirby because swords are serious business.

super saiyan ness: more powerful than ness but for some raisin he is a coward.

kirby: Kirby's meant to suck anyways so that's what I'll make him do lololol. sword kirby and edede will be better.

GANON HAS NO KNEE!

i guess that explains why he moves so slow. he should really consider surgery and stop trying to kidnap zelda's girlfriend!!

 

[PCHU]

Metroid: Metroid will be BUTTER if I gave him the skillz to summon his girlfriend by taunting a lot. also his gf will abuse a whip because FACE it, metroid likes ruff times in the bedroom.

pokemon trainer: not one of the pokemon will have a b down move because pokemon can only learn 4 moves. all their a moves just count as close combat. :/

****** zelda: he's just like regular zelda but he hits people more often because he can see them better with his huge eyes!!

sword kirby: eh, sword kirby will be a bit more serious than kirby because swords are serious business.

super saiyan ness: more powerful than ness but for some raisin he is a coward.

kirby: Kirby's meant to suck anyways so that's what I'll make him do lololol. sword kirby and edede will be better.



i guess that explains why he moves so slow. he should really consider surgery and stop trying to kidnap zelda's girlfriend!!

Are you serious with all of these names?
Sword Kirby?
Metroid?
WHAT?!
I hope you're kidding, otherwise you're seriously misinformed.....

But whatever.
I think the post above yours wins.

 

[killbeast301]

Metroid:

****** zelda:

sword kirby:

super saiyan ness:

zelda's girlfriend!!

This is why you don't do drugs, kids.

Hm Legend of Zelda is Nintendo's best series so lets make Link suck again :D. This time i'll make him have better projectiles but make him weaker, nerf his recovery, and change his spin attack animation from the trailer because it looked too cool... and why not nerf it too! Oh but let's give it a chargable feature so it can get more powerful....but lets make him completely immobile during it, just to make it useless :D. Hmmm his Windwaker counterpart is more cartoony and cuter, making him more similar to my beloved kirby characters so lets make him WAY better than Link, whom i despise oh so much. But just for the irony, lets give him the same moves with slightly different properties and a few different standard moves just to make him appear different and because the LoZ series is my worst enemy so i can get back at them all now :D! Brillia- OMG WHAT'S THIS?! LINK SPIKED MK WITH A DTILT?! Let's change its properties to make it completely useless in a match :D and while we're at it, give Tlink a spike in his dair :D but make him sd with it if he misses for the added wackiness. BRILLIA- o wait give Tlink a dark color swap just so he gains as much popularity as Link!

No, see, what happened is this:

Sakurai hates the Zelda series because he can never beat any of the games. They make him think too much, what with the puzzles and all. Sakurai doesn't like games that people can lose at to easily, he likes games that even beginner gamers can beat no problem (glances at kirby series). He hates Zelda, so link always sucks. Except he managed to beat Wind Waker, what with it being the easiest Zelda game. So Toon link is awesome.

 

[PillowPants]

DK: well lets buff that fsmash of his
Ganon: i feel like pissing random gdorf fans off
CF: im tired about hearing all the fawllcon paaawwwnch memes online *nerfs*

 

[Jim Morrison]

okay kirby... let's give him a stupid *** dance that lets him spew out the specials that he never steals from anyone cause he just jumps off... also let's make him usable for 6 year olds. ill just make his down B easily spammable from above...

alright, fox... well well, he was waaay too good in n64, so i nerfed him a bit in melee. that went well, but he was overused. let's just piss everyone off, and make a character that has everything that fox has, but just better.
WHAT?! final smash for fox, falco and wolf. fock it, give them a landmaster."but falco is a bird who cant fly" well then give him a stupid line to say when he gets it.

snake... well his *** will be 10times more than usual, cause i like men. I'll also give him the kidnap ability, just to make my dreams come true.

to give 13 year old boys fap material......



ill put in sonic, who can go super saiyan. of course we cant have him just recover side-ways, we need a super-upward jump.

 

[JawKnee~]

This thread is hilarious.

 

[DAGanmanert]

^^^I Agree lol

 

[woopyfrood]

CAPTAIN FALCON'S REVIEW OF SUPER SMASH BROS. BRAWL:

 

[ElWray]

Lol this thread is funnier than the character nationality thread keep them coming.