LGBT Smashers

[Duchock]

Wow, I thought this thread imploded upon itself in a blaze of drama and moderation a while ago!

Well either way, here I am. I smash and I'm gay. Sup~

 

[Takumaru]

Hey, welcome to the mildly less dramatic and slightly less moderated LGBT thread. I'd suggest you grab the link for the chat room on the first page and check it out from time to time. Sometimes cool stuff happens there. By the way, Your location has a really weird name.

 

[Mazaloth]

@Timbers: Freaking two-thumbs up man. I totally agree! It happened to me before; I was removed for no reason and now I have a deep-seated hatred that makes me wanna KILL THE *****!

I found this nice link to help you all:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2008/07/tolerance-is-resistance-to-love/

I ****ing love that article.

This make actually a very interesting point.
It basically says in the article that tolerance can be bad in relationships.

What is weird or just a strange coincidence is that I have conditioned myself to be completely tolerant, this is mainly because I have a philosophy that is strictly based on humanity.
I am Asexual, this is do because of several things.
1. Birth nature - I have never liked a person in a manner of a mutual relationship since birth. No wanting a partnership, nor for sexual pleasure. Just never happened.
2. Reinforcement - I learned to withstand pain. Mentally and physically. I have learned to step on glass with bare feet, and walk in fire. I also learned how to 'block' mental pains, such as a lose of a friend or parent. Not only that but I tolerated myself to accept most veiws on life, I don't rashly shun the theories or perspectives as fast as others that would.
3. Mental philosophy - I do have a set of values, I believe that tolerance is one of the greatest thing a person can have to become a valuable human. I basically then proceeded to shun the possiblity of 'love', and decided that it makes my tolerance lower because I would have a biased view in a certain situation. I also believe that being able to charismatically engage in a conflict, to be able to flee a conflict, and finally, be able to physically engage in combat. All of these must be able to be executed with a flawless manner.
Having a relationship needs devotion to that person, which takes away that time of mental and physical training. If I am to become the most efficient in what I do, then I will devote everything towards it. Intelligence, Wisdom, and the physical aspects.


What is weird is that if the article is true then there is a correlation between tolerance and a happy relationship. Mainly because I would put up with the good, and alas, the ultimately bad, I wouldn't be able to be happy because the bad things wouldn't be dealt which, but rather noticed and then pushed aside. This could be true for the fact that I am Asexual. Of course maybe I am taking it to the extremes a little but still. It is an interesting theory.



**
A lot of people asks me why I would think and do what I do. And what I explain is that there is so little amount of people about to serve as a shield. It isn't easy doing, it takes the right mental and physical attributes. But some has to do it.
So I will serve as a shield and a second mind to those that ask and needs help, because truthfully, someone has to.

 

[KingJiggyWiggy]

@Duchock: There was no drama, just horrible communication problems. Sometimes I talk people take it the wrong way.

@Mazaloth: Tolerance to an extent is what he is talking about. You can tolerate crap in a relationship for about a year but after that it becomes hell. If you see that your partner isn't changing after a year then you will probably give up on them.

 

[Mazaloth]

@Mazaloth: Tolerance to an extent is what he is talking about. You can tolerate crap in a relationship for about a year but after that it becomes hell. If you see that your partner isn't changing after a year then you will probably give up on them.

Oh, of course. There is always the human nature that needs to come to play.
The extent of tolerance depends on the conditioning between both of the units of a partnership. If one doesn't change for the mutuality of the pair then there is no point in engaging the relationship.

I just wanting to share my view on tolerance of a whole.

 

[RoguefanAM]

>_> <_< hello people. I hate to interrupt the current discussion, but I felt like ranting a bit, so excuse me. I need some advice.

I'm in this weird situation and I don't know how to deal with it. First, off, I'll say it's social. I'm...a geek. Glasses, shy, quiet - the whole deal. Anyway, I don't have many friends. Of the few friends I have I'm only 'out' to two. Both girls who've I sworn to secrecy. Still in the closet. Anyway, as far as the problem itself goes I feel like I've become...a social pariah. Not sure how, not sure why. But I always get the feeling that people have become EXTREMELY uncomfortable around me. Like I'm some Virgina tech shooter in the making just waiting to snap! Not that I don't fit the description, but... it makes me feel bad. Maybe this is all in my mind, I don't know.

My options are limited in who I can talk to, so you can see why I've chosen to find some advice here. Smashboards has a particularly active gay community, so it seemed like the best place. Why am I not taking solace in the after mentioned friends? While I feel comfortable enough telling them my sexuality, we really aren't THAT close. Just close enough to where I know they won't freak out and and are good enough people not to squeal about it to others. I don't want/feel comfortable enough laying my insecurities/problems on them.

How does this relate to an LGBT thread? Well, while I don't think the girls told anyone I do fear it has to do with - perhaps - my sexuality. I'm no flamer. I don't think I'm obvious with what sex I prefer. But I'm 18 and never had a girlfriend. Some of the classmates I've had for about six years, they would know if I'd gone out with anyone. Plus, I'm afraid that my selection of friends isn't high in the testosterone if know you what I mean. Anyway, chances are they think I'm either REALLY weird/freaky or that I'm gay. Both aren't very appealing, especially when the teachers force you into groups and you KNOW your partners are lamenting the fact they have to work with the quiet/gay dude. To be honest, I'd actually prefer they having issue with my sexuality - at least then I know it has nothing to do with me as a person.

Help?

 

[JLynn943]

text

I think I know where you're coming from with this. I'm very quiet and reserved, and I've gotten those looks and indications that people are uncomfortable around me. It can be really hard and it makes you feel like a total outcast.

From my experience, people tend to think I'm weird until I get to know them (well, if I get to know them). And I don't mean as acquaintances, but like where we can actually have a conversation, even if it's about something pretty basic.

My suggestion is to try to be more social. I know it might not be easy, but just keep trying. Go with simple things if you have trouble, like class or something you might have in common.

You're worrying that people have a problem with you as a person or your sexuality, but from what it seems like, they probably don't even know you well enough to have a problem with you personally.

 

[Mazaloth]

>_> <_< hello people. I hate to interrupt the current discussion, but I felt like ranting a bit, so excuse me. I need some advice.

I'm in this weird situation and I don't know how to deal with it. First, off, I'll say it's social. I'm...a geek. Glasses, shy, quiet - the whole deal. Anyway, I don't have many friends. Of the few friends I have I'm only 'out' to two. Both girls who've I sworn to secrecy. Still in the closet. Anyway, as far as the problem itself goes I feel like I've become...a social pariah. Not sure how, not sure why. But I always get the feeling that people have become EXTREMELY uncomfortable around me. Like I'm some Virgina tech shooter in the making just waiting to snap! Not that I don't fit the description, but... it makes me feel bad. Maybe this is all in my mind, I don't know.

My options are limited in who I can talk to, so you can see why I've chosen to find some advice here. Smashboards has a particularly active gay community, so it seemed like the best place. Why am I not taking solace in the after mentioned friends? While I feel comfortable enough telling them my sexuality, we really aren't THAT close. Just close enough to where I know they won't freak out and and are good enough people not to squeal about it to others. I don't want/feel comfortable enough laying my insecurities/problems on them.

How does this relate to an LGBT thread? Well, while I don't think the girls told anyone I do fear it has to do with - perhaps - my sexuality. I'm no flamer. I don't think I'm obvious with what sex I prefer. But I'm 18 and never had a girlfriend. Some of the classmates I've had for about six years, they would know if I'd gone out with anyone. Plus, I'm afraid that my selection of friends isn't high in the testosterone if know you what I mean. Anyway, chances are they think I'm either REALLY weird/freaky or that I'm gay. Both aren't very appealing, especially when the teachers force you into groups and you KNOW your partners are lamenting the fact they have to work with the quiet/gay dude. To be honest, I'd actually prefer they having issue with my sexuality - at least then I know it has nothing to do with me as a person.

Help?

Right, first off, you being quiet and 'anti-social' has nothing to do with being gay, I can ensure you this because I know very outgoing gays. And it also seems like yiou haven't discovered what mental sexuality you are, don't stress over it, you will find it eventually. But I think the problem is that you have trouble opening yourself up to others. This is either because you fear that the secret gets out that you are gay,and you aren't ready to come out of the closet yet, or that you are just naturally shy.

Being gay is being you as a person. Honestly, it does. It isn't a bad thing, but you as a person are gay, and that's it, if they can't get over the fact, then they can go to hell. You however, must feel comfortable about your sexuality, if you aren't comfortable about it, no one will.

The part about being partnered with people.
When someone is paired up with a person they don't usually associate with, they tend to rolleyes or say 'great, just what I wanted'. Those people are just uncomfortable with working with someone they don't usually do. Or they could be homophobic. But most likely it's the first one.

Just, don't stress over it. Remember, you have to feel comfortable about your own mental sexuality. And having a girlfriend doesn't matter, you are shy and passive, so I am guessing you never really took the chance in finding one. Just try to open yourself to other people in general, if you don't then you can never truly express your mental sexuality.

Best of luck
~Jake-Kun

 

[deepseadiva]

Hi Rogue! ^___^

How does this relate to an LGBT thread? Well, while I don't think the girls told anyone I do fear it has to do with - perhaps - my sexuality.

I think I can relate - something along those lines happened to me in middleschool.

Most likely - people think you're weird. Unfortunately, it might be in the negative way. Fortunately though, it probably doesn't have to do anything with your sexuality.

The way it sounds - I'd bet several of your classmates might have come to the conclusion your gay already. Or at least to the point it would be a gigantic plot twist if you told them.

It sounds like you're just kinda reserved - which in turn makes people uncomfortable. I like JLynn's advice. Try to actively be more social. I know it's kinda vague, but if you can pull of getting to know more people, you could find deeper, better relationships. Maybe even more.

I can ensure you this because I know very outgoing gays.

Whaaa...? There's none of those...

OFF TOPICS TIME:
So, it seems everyone conveniently forgot about Dawgbowl's VidBlog idea, huh? Well, I got around to doing mine! - but not really.

Here's a preview and a commercial for my play I did last fall.

I'm the first guy in this one.

And then you can tell who I am in this one.

They're short for everyone's sake.
/OFF TOPICS

 

[Mazaloth]

Whaaa...? There's none of those...

If Serious: Fell bad for your experiances, they are some of the most enjoyable people to be around, optimistic and playful.

If Kidding: Nope, of course not.

Playing the response safe as not to seem slow or a jerk.

 

[JigglyZelda003]

@Rogue
everyones giving such great advice. and yea try to be more social, even if you have to force it i did my last semester of college and it worked for the most part. also don't feel so bad about people thinking your some virginia tech shooter. one of my friends actually said he thought i was the same way cause i really didn't talk to anyone.

and lol @ Maza saying they can go to hell.

@Meno
i have no videocam and i hate showing my face so im gonna look at others vlogs lol.

also im having a bit of a problem myself really. i've found that i have an online persona and offline persona that are like 2 sides of the same coin. and im wondering how to put them together.

 

[Mazaloth]

1 .and lol @ Maza saying they can go to hell.


2. also im having a bit of a problem myself really. i've found that i have an online persona and offline persona that are like 2 sides of the same coin. and im wondering how to put them together.

1. Meh.

2. I've noticed that too. It seems that I am less of a jerk on the internet. I don't really care though.
I like being a jerk in real life.
I had one idea is that if one constantly represses their real world self and enforces the internet self. The internet self will take over the Id, Ego, and Superego...
But on a real note, yeah you are right about the internet persona thing.

 

[JigglyZelda003]

can anyone say 2000th post?

i first noticed it when i started playing FF11 and i was all giddy, happy and talkative. when that contrast to my actual neutral, quiet, monotonus self. although when necessary i find i can make the online persona come out irl for a time, but its like its on a timer and can run out after a while. fortunately i do keep all my general good things like kindness reguardless of which one is out. even though my kindness was normally poked at as a weakness in the past.

 

[Mazaloth]

can anyone say 2000th post?

i first noticed it when i started playing FF11 and i was all giddy, happy and talkative. when that contrast to my actual neutral, quiet, monotonus self. although when necessary i find i can make the online persona come out irl for a time, but its like its on a timer and can run out after a while. fortunately i do keep all my general good things like kindness reguardless of which one is out. even though my kindness was normally poked at as a weakness in the past.

I started noticing when I started being nice towards people on SWF.
Geeze, I hate it too. But, meh I can't complain at least I know that I can be nice with certain conditions.
For me in real life I'm sarcastic, aggressive, apathetic, pessimistic, tolerant, and blunt. Though online, you couldn't tell most of those things. Most likely you would think I enjoy being with people. But nope, I really don't.

All I know is if I acted how I am outside to online, I would have so many people hating me.

Congratz for your 2000th post.

 

[JigglyZelda003]

sarcasm is usually always a winner though lol

 

[RoguefanAM]

I think I know where you're coming from with this. I'm very quiet and reserved, and I've gotten those looks and indications that people are uncomfortable around me. It can be really hard and it makes you feel like a total outcast.

From my experience, people tend to think I'm weird until I get to know them (well, if I get to know them). And I don't mean as acquaintances, but like where we can actually have a conversation, even if it's about something pretty basic.
My suggestion is to try to be more social. I know it might not be easy, but just keep trying. Go with simple things if you have trouble, like class or something you might have in common.

You're worrying that people have a problem with you as a person or your sexuality, but from what it seems like, they probably don't even know you well enough to have a problem with you personally.

Thanks. And yeah, it is hard. It's just...I don't know. I feel more comfortable around girls, but don't have much in common with them (unless they're tomboys). Have a lot in common with (nerdy) guys, but most guys tend to be homophobic or at least uncomfortable to a certain degree around teh gayz. Of course, the easy answer would be to hang out with gay guys...heh, but I'm not really sure how you could go about doing that while remaining subtle.

Actually being more social is a goal I've had for a while. Buuuuut...I have made SOME progress, a couple of years ago I woulda said I didn't have any friends at all. Now I have a few. ^^

Right, first off, you being quiet and 'anti-social' has nothing to do with being gay, I can ensure you this because I know very outgoing gays. And it also seems like yiou haven't discovered what mental sexuality you are, don't stress over it, you will find it eventually. But I think the problem is that you have trouble opening yourself up to others. This is either because you fear that the secret gets out that you are gay,and you aren't ready to come out of the closet yet, or that you are just naturally shy.

Being gay is being you as a person. Honestly, it does. It isn't a bad thing, but you as a person are gay, and that's it, if they can't get over the fact, then they can go to hell. You however, must feel comfortable about your sexuality, if you aren't comfortable about it, no one will.

The part about being partnered with people.
When someone is paired up with a person they don't usually associate with, they tend to rolleyes or say 'great, just what I wanted'. Those people are just uncomfortable with working with someone they don't usually do. Or they could be homophobic. But most likely it's the first one.

Just, don't stress over it. Remember, you have to feel comfortable about your own mental sexuality. And having a girlfriend doesn't matter, you are shy and passive, so I am guessing you never really took the chance in finding one. Just try to open yourself to other people in general, if you don't then you can never truly express your mental sexuality.

Best of luck

I think I might've given you the wrong message. I don't equate being quiet and antisocial to being gay at all. I know that aspect of my personality doesn't really have much to do with my sexuality, and is a product of others factors. Now, I'm not really sure what you mean by mental sexuality. Do you mean that I haven't accepted my sexuality mentally? If that's the case, then I have to say that's not right. I do accept I'm gay. I don't think anythings wrong with my homosexuality, if anything bugs me over being homosexual it's just the ignorant reactions I can get over revealing it.

You are right in that I fear telling the wrong person I'm gay. Self-righteousness or not, people can still hurt you with their reactions. Plus I am indeed naturally shy. I do wish I was more comfortable with it, though. At least to the point where I wouldn't sidestep a question regarding it if anyone asked. But I'm not so deep in the closet that I can't see that light.

Anyway, thanks for the advice.

I think I can relate - something along those lines happened to me in middleschool.

Most likely - people think you're weird. Unfortunately, it might be in the negative way. Fortunately though, it probably doesn't have to do anything with your sexuality.

The way it sounds - I'd bet several of your classmates might have come to the conclusion your gay already. Or at least to the point it would be a gigantic plot twist if you told them.

It sounds like you're just kinda reserved - which in turn makes people uncomfortable. I like JLynn's advice. Try to actively be more social. I know it's kinda vague, but if you can pull of getting to know more people, you could find deeper, better relationships. Maybe even more.

Thanks, I guess the advice I was looking for is really kinda obvious if you think about it. Executing that, however, is still going to be difficult.

@JigglyZelda003: I hope it works out for me like it did for you.

 

[Mazaloth]

I think I might've given you the wrong message. I don't equate being quiet and antisocial to being gay at all. I know that aspect of my personality doesn't really have much to do with my sexuality, and is a product of others factors. Now, I'm not really sure what you mean by mental sexuality. Do you mean that I haven't accepted my sexuality mentally? If that's the case, then I have to say that's not right. I do accept I'm gay. I don't think anythings wrong with my homosexuality, if anything bugs me over being homosexual it's just the ignorant reactions I can get over revealing it.

You are right in that I fear telling the wrong person I'm gay. Self-righteousness or not, people can still hurt you with their reactions. Plus I am indeed naturally shy. I do wish I was more comfortable with it, though. At least to the point where I wouldn't sidestep a question regarding it if anyone asked. But I'm not so deep in the closet that I can't see that light.

Anyway, thanks for the advice.

Nope, I understood perfectly what you meant, I just wanted to explore all possiblities.

I describe being gay, lesbian, or Asexual, as a Mental sexuality. For, it is not a physical trait, one can not be physically gay, only mentally. Unlike being transsexual which constitutes with physical sexuality. I believe I am the only one so far to use this term because I believe the declaration of accurate terminology reduces confusion. I guess in this case it did the complete opposite, I am sorry for that.
I am completey glad to hear that you are satisfied with your sexuality. Once again, I just wanted to explore all possiblities.

I do hope that you work on becoming a little bit more social, but that is up to you. Do only what you feel comfortable doing.

sarcasm is usually always a winner though lol

I don't know, a lot of the times I get less then satisfactory dispositions.

 

[JigglyZelda003]

depends on how, when and where used. it can reap alot of benefits lol

 

[Takumaru]

@Rogue: If your goal is to be a bit more social there are a few things you can do that'll help.
1) Change something about how you look. We're not talking plastic surgery here, we're talking a new pair of frames or a new haircut or some snazzy new outfit. It's superficial but a small change like that can make you just noticeable enough to help draw some more positive attention to yourself.

2) Do something you'd normally be uncomfortable doing. If some one invites you to do something that you normally wouldn't, say yes. Follow through on this "yes", don't get cold feet and bail out on them. You need to be willing to feel awkward and risk looking like a fool. For me it was going to a concert with a group of people I had just met and playing basketball... shirtless. Don't do anything too far out there though. I still won't dance at any kind of party or club. But something small can go a long way.

3) Gain some self-confidence. Stop caring about what people think so much and think a bit higher of yourself. People can pick up on how you think and feel about yourself. If you're paranoid about what other people think and it makes you insecure, then they will pick up on it and they'll feel awkward around you or think of you as the "creepy/gay" guy. If you feel better about yourself people will pick up on it. Be careful and don't let this spill over into a sense of self-absorbance; you'll become a different kind of "social pariah" this way.

Also if you need to talk anything over I'm normally available on AIM and there's always this thread. This is a safe place (as safe as the intarwebs can be...) and the members are pretty supportive as you've already seen.

@Maz & JZ's topic: I gotta run to class... I'll get on this later. >_>

 

[Mazaloth]

depends on how, when and where used. it can reap alot of benefits lol

Yeah, I guess once I start though... It really is hard to stop.
And most of the time it is to insult someone.
But, maybe if I used my superior sarcasm for good.....

@Rogue: If your goal is to be a bit more social there are a few things you can do that'll help.
1) Change something about how you look. We're not talking plastic surgery here, we're talking a new pair of frames or a new haircut or some snazzy new outfit. It's superficial but a small change like that can make you just noticeable enough to help draw some more positive attention to yourself.

2) Do something you'd normally be uncomfortable doing. If some one invites you to do something that you normally wouldn't, say yes. Follow through on this "yes", don't get cold feet and bail out on them. You need to be willing to feel awkward and risk looking like a fool. For me it was going to a concert with a group of people I had just met and playing basketball... shirtless. Don't do anything too far out there though. I still won't dance at any kind of party or club. But something small can go a long way.

3) Gain some self-confidence. Stop caring about what people think so much and think a bit higher of yourself. People can pick up on how you think and feel about yourself. If you're paranoid about what other people think and it makes you insecure, then they will pick up on it and they'll feel awkward around you or think of you as the "creepy/gay" guy. If you feel better about yourself people will pick up on it. Be careful and don't let this spill over into a sense of self-absorbance; you'll become a different kind of "social pariah" this way.

Also if you need to talk anything over I'm normally available on AIM and there's always this thread. This is a safe place (as safe as the intarwebs can be...) and the members are pretty supportive as you've already seen.

@Maz & JZ's topic: I gotta run to class... I'll get on this later. >_>

Great advice, I couldn't say it better... Maybe.
But, Taku. You are absolutly right, this is a great way to break the ice. Just don't worry and go with the flow.

 

[JigglyZelda003]

i wonder what Taku is gonna say on our topic Maza lol

 

[Mazaloth]

Sorry for the double post but I have a interesting theory reguarding me and JZ's conversation.

Right so, as JZ was talking about. The persona of someone differs online, from that of the persona in real life. I thought of the aspects and found this to be somewhat true, there was also the question, 'How can we interconnect the two personas?".
I looked into the scenarios. Correlated both of them and represented the conditions towards that online persona (OlP).

Results have indicated that the persona is due to the isolation between subjects, amount of personas, original persona, and the objective of subjects. I will refer to me as a the obsevered subject.

My real life persona (RlP). I am aggressive, sarcastic, philosophical, intellectual (Whole brain favoring the left.), tolerant, pessimistic, and of course a jerk.
Though my OlP is, more quite, optimistic, and you really couldn't tell that I am a jerk (Sometimes). However, what makes me act differently?
A big part of it is the isolation of subjects, since I do not have to directly confront the issue I have enough time to think and make clear decsions. There is no reason why I shouldn't give good advice, and there is no reason for me to be a jerk.

We can also see that the personas change from having 'bad' traits (For me being sarcastic, pessimistic, and a jerk), and reversing them into somewhat to the opposite. Of course the OlP pends on the original persona. The persona also reflects on the objective of the subjects posts/ actions.
When one responds looking for advice, one tends to post in a more serious and adult like manner, the responded pending on whether he/she/it has experiance, tolerance, or intrest in the problem. This to can affect the persona.

What is increasingly interesting in this theory is that I also see a connection with me when I am with two or less friends, the subject, and mood.
The amount of isolation of subjects, however, will be the closeness of those friends. The subject will decide the reponses of an action/comment, and also the mood heavly decideds the respone tone.
For instance. Me and one of my friends where laying outside on the grass in the front yard, it was night time in the summer and the stars could be seen above, I didn't know her that well because within our personalities, we are totally different. But anywho, We started talking about the stars, and then to astrology/astronomy, a subject we are both intrested in.
We started to talk and I could tell that I was more quiet, and optimistic. There was an underlying goal, to get to know this person better. And the fact that we where mentally isolated made so that we had to choose words carfully and intellegently as not to say anything wrong. The topic that we where talking about intrested us both, so we could relate on some level, which made it a lot easier to get a sense of personality.

Once again it's a theory, but it seems to correlate. JZ, Taku, any questions/comments?
I'll post more, but I have to study for Midterms now.

 

[Takumaru]

Oh yes, I was gonna say that it seems my "internet self" and "IRL self" seem to have merged and sort of flip flopped. I used to be really talkative and obnoxious only online (in WoW and guildwars) and then I'd be really quiet and shy in person. Now I'd say the two personalities have kind of fused together and almost switched spots. I'm more reserved online than I used to be and much more outgoing in person.

I actually have a theory about it... which I might or might not have heard somewhere else first. I can't remember. Because when we're online we can pretty much get away with whatever we want. No one has any opinion or impression of us really so we do what would come naturally to us if we felt comfortable being vulnerable. I know I was quiet in person because I felt safer that way; I didn't want to put myself out there. But online (we'll use WoW for this example) I was a sexy frostbolt chucking, ice lance spamming, shatter comboing mage and at any time I could log off or block people if I felt uncomfortable; or i could just ice block and let my water elemental take care of things for me. Actually the major turning point came for me when one of my close friends on WoW said this to me:
"no matter what other players might think of me, she'll always consider me among one of the best mage/rogues out there. I can't second guess myself everytime some other rogue tells me I should spec sub for PvP and combat for PvE. If you stopped aggro-whoring and kiting mobs in instances we'd still be running Slabs. So don't worry about it, hun. You're you. You do that well and that's all you should care about. Also... this rogue won't get off my *** and I REALLY need you to polymorph him and then ice lance that sham's totems."
I took her advice both in game and out of game and it changed my life. If I could be so open with these people (on WoW), then why can't I be open off-line? So I just started acting the same way both in WoW and in person. Oh, I still regularly talk to that friend and we're almost closer to each other then we are to our own siblings.

EDIT: I sent this post in like an hour ago at the beginning of my bio lecture and it just now sent...


Yeah, I agree with you entirely, Maz. I think we said the same thing but in different words, with a LOT of lag on my part. Anyway, I was going to tie this in with the whole "coming out" process but my comp is about to die. CLIFFHANGER!

 

[Mazaloth]

Oh yes, I was gonna say that it seems my "internet self" and "IRL self" seem to have merged and sort of flip flopped. I used to be really talkative and obnoxious only online (in WoW and guildwars) and then I'd be really quiet and shy in person. Now I'd say the two personalities have kind of fused together and almost switched spots. I'm more reserved online than I used to be and much more outgoing in person.

I actually have a theory about it... which I might or might not have heard somewhere else first. I can't remember. Because when we're online we can pretty much get away with whatever we want. No one has any opinion or impression of us really so we do what would come naturally to us if we felt comfortable being vulnerable. I know I was quiet in person because I felt safer that way; I didn't want to put myself out there. But online (we'll use WoW for this example) I was a sexy frostbolt chucking, ice lance spamming, shatter comboing mage and at any time I could log off or block people if I felt uncomfortable; or i could just ice block and let my water elemental take care of things for me. Actually the major turning point came for me when one of my close friends on WoW said this to me:
"no matter what other players might think of me, she'll always consider me among one of the best mage/rogues out there. I can't second guess myself everytime some other rogue tells me I should spec sub for PvP and combat for PvE. If you stopped aggro-whoring and kiting mobs in instances we'd still be running Slabs. So don't worry about it, hun. You're you. You do that well and that's all you should care about. Also... this rogue won't get off my *** and I REALLY need you to polymorph him and then ice lance that sham's totems."
I took her advice both in game and out of game and it changed my life. If I could be so open with these people (on WoW), then why can't I be open off-line? So I just started acting the same way both in WoW and in person. Oh, I still regularly talk to that friend and we're almost closer to each other then we are to our own siblings.

EDIT: I sent this post in like an hour ago at the beginning of my bio lecture and it just now sent...

Exactly, there is a whole new life. Basically I can say anything.
This can also reverse the effect of my theory. That because you isolated, you can be a real jerk, and nothing can be done. But, the same can be said about being nice.
Great view. I'm glad that you bettered yourself.

 

[JigglyZelda003]

yes midterm study comes first lol. i liked reading the theory. but can't positive traits transition through as well?

but can self image effect which personas can appear and swap around? online i don't have to show my face so i guess that makes me happier due to poor self image. but IRL situations i can make the online persona come out by completely disreguarding most of what makes up my IRL self for a time being.

 

[Takumaru]

So I suppose it could be said that we all need to be isolated at some points and open at others and that it varies from person to person? Hmm... I just had a thought that I'm going to develope (during yoga...). I'll get back to you guys when I've put it into words.

 

[Mazaloth]

yes midterm study comes first lol. i liked reading the theory. but can't positive traits transition through as well?

but can self image effect which personas can appear and swap around? online i don't have to show my face so i guess that makes me happier due to poor self image. but IRL situations i can make the online persona come out by completely disreguarding most of what makes up my IRL self for a time being.

Probably, the thing about the persona is that it can be changed pending on the subject of the matter, and situation. Certain aspects of your personality can be altered when conditions are met.

So I suppose it could be said that we all need to be isolated at some points and open at others and that it varies from person to person? Hmm... I just had a thought that I'm going to develope (during yoga...). I'll get back to you guys when I've put it into words.

Good point, Isolation is a good thing to do. Such as in meditation. You try to isolate yourself from your physical 'cage', allowing you to think and understand freely. Though, different people need to meditate in a different way, or depending on the situation that you want to reflect upon. Ultimately the goal of meditation is to isolate yourself and become more free and understanding, but afterwards, you become more open to lifes struggles.

I used to do yoga... Now I don't.

 

[RoguefanAM]

@Rogue: If your goal is to be a bit more social there are a few things you can do that'll help.
1) Change something about how you look. We're not talking plastic surgery here, we're talking a new pair of frames or a new haircut or some snazzy new outfit. It's superficial but a small change like that can make you just noticeable enough to help draw some more positive attention to yourself.

2) Do something you'd normally be uncomfortable doing. If some one invites you to do something that you normally wouldn't, say yes. Follow through on this "yes", don't get cold feet and bail out on them. You need to be willing to feel awkward and risk looking like a fool. For me it was going to a concert with a group of people I had just met and playing basketball... shirtless. Don't do anything too far out there though. I still won't dance at any kind of party or club. But something small can go a long way.

3) Gain some self-confidence. Stop caring about what people think so much and think a bit higher of yourself. People can pick up on how you think and feel about yourself. If you're paranoid about what other people think and it makes you insecure, then they will pick up on it and they'll feel awkward around you or think of you as the "creepy/gay" guy. If you feel better about yourself people will pick up on it. Be careful and don't let this spill over into a sense of self-absorbance; you'll become a different kind of "social pariah" this way.

Also if you need to talk anything over I'm normally available on AIM and there's always this thread. This is a safe place (as safe as the intarwebs can be...) and the members are pretty supportive as you've already seen.

@Maz & JZ's topic: I gotta run to class... I'll get on this later. >_>

I'm not really sure if I comfortable changing how I look just to attract people to me. Which sounds weird, because really we do these kind of things everyday - cut your hair, take a shower, wear deodorant - because we care about how people view us. However, this type of advice make me feel uneasy for some reason. Maybe I just don't like the notion that by doing this, it's physical evidence to myself just how much they're reactions are bugging me? idk...

As for number two...this I definitely need to work on. However, I'm klutzy and oblivious person by nature. In my mind, I have reason for my caution. And I'm just plain cowardly. I'm afraid that I would easily do something to go into the other extreme - mainly because that's just the type of karma I have. Or maybe I'm just making excuses...

Good advice, but I'm baffled about how you go about actually applying that. Especially if you'd had that mindset previously, but because of rejection and/or constant negative reactions you've become insecure.

Sorry if that seemed all negative! I'm just really trying to make sure I don't go and make a fool of myself (I don't need to break down the little confidence I have left...now, I sound overdramatic ).

Thanks Takumaru! Don't take my pessimistic attitude too seriously, I'm just in one of my moods. ^^

 

[Mazaloth]

I'm not really sure if I comfortable changing how I look just to attract people to me. Which sounds weird, because really we do these kind of things everyday - cut your hair, take a shower, wear deodorant - because we care about how people view us. However, this type of advice make me feel uneasy for some reason. Maybe I just don't like the notion that by doing this, it's physical evidence to myself just how much they're reactions are bugging me? idk...

As for number two...this I definitely need to work on. However, I'm klutzy and oblivious person by nature. In my mind, I have reason for my caution. And I'm just plain cowardly. I'm afraid that I would easily do something to go into the other extreme - mainly because that's just the type of karma I have. Or maybe I'm just making excuses...

Good advice, but I'm baffled about how you go about actually applying that. Especially if you'd had that mindset previously, but because of rejection and/or constant negative reactions you've become insecure.

Sorry if that seemed all negative! I'm just really trying to make sure I don't go and make a fool of myself (I don't need to break down the little confidence I have left...now, I sound overdramatic ).

Thanks Takumaru! Don't take my pessimistic attitude too seriously, I'm just in one of my moods. ^^

No one will think bad of you, we are all here to help.
If the whole physical appearance doesn't fit you, then don't do it. I understand where you are comming from, you want people to like you for you, also it kinda makes you feel self-conscious. I know I wouldn't change my look for anything.

Once again, keep it easy, progress at a step each time. You have all the time in the world.

 

[Takumaru]

Oh I understand completely. I used to be the same way a few years ago and I know how hard it is to open up to people. If my first suggestion doesn't make you feel all that comfortable the don't worry about it, really. As for gaining some self confidence... that's a bit tricky really. It's different for everyone. Best place to start is to sit down and think about what you're good at, what you like about yourself, and try and focus on those things. Another thing you can do is at the end of each day write down all the good things that happened that day; it's better to scribble them down as they happen. I know they sound cheesy but they'll help. It won't be an over-night change, but you'll feel a bit better eventually. You don't HAVE to do these things, but they're suggestions you can consider.

Also, are you in college yet?

 

[Sonic The Hedgedawg]

I wonder... now that my jenna is going out with my roommate/one of my besties, would it be a good time to come out to him? If he is not okay with it, Jenna will pulverise him into a fine powder. I'm all for using and abusing situations

 

[JigglyZelda003]

hmm thats a tough choice Sonic

 

[Sonic The Hedgedawg]

hmm thats a tough choice Sonic

well if he's NOT okay with it, it'll drive a spike right in between the two of them. but if that's the case they would have been not okay eventually anyway.

 

[JigglyZelda003]

your right about that one sadly lol

 

[Sonic The Hedgedawg]

your right about that one sadly lol

maybe I'll just tell my other, less opinionated roommates.

 

[Mazaloth]

maybe I'll just tell my other, less opinionated roommates.

It would seem to be the less, violent oriented choice...

 

[Takumaru]

But violent coming outs are so much more exciting!!!
*gets pummeled by rotten tomatoes and other veggies*
I was kidding!.. kinda of.

 

[Sonic The Hedgedawg]

It would seem to be the less, violent oriented choice...

Ben is hardly violent. he'd just be resistant and become distant. The problem is, as soon as I tell one roomie, the rest will have to follow suit soon.

 

[Mazaloth]

Ben is hardly violent. he'd just be resistant and become distant. The problem is, as soon as I tell one roomie, the rest will have to follow suit soon.

No, not that your friend is volien, just the whole... 'Putting the spike into slot A'.
Or something like that...
I guess my response to humor doesn't do well in forums.

 

[Timbers]

I never really saw the point of just telling a friend or relative, out of the blue, my sexuality. If they were to ever ask about I'd have no problem telling them but I feel like it's one of those things that doesn't need to be worn like a badge everywhere you go. If your roommates being dumb to your sexuality isn't affecting your lifestyle, I don't really see a reason to tell them to begin with.