Most Epic/Funny/Lame Johns

[ZeroFox]

- Smashballs weren't on

- My sister was bothering me

- I had a terrible hang over from last night

No johns.

I would believe the other two more than I would the first one. "Smashballs weren't on" is probably the lamest excuse of the three, especially because that's basically saying that the other guy relies on Smash balls to win or something...

That's not going to fly in a tournament setting either.

 

[thecatinthehat]

Teams online.

"We were playing mini-golf"
"So wh-"
"With friendly fire turned off"
"oh snap."


lol good times. Back when SWF was win.

 

[SuSa]

"Slipped over an invisible banana"

...tripping sucks -.-

 

[kuenzel]

"Shouldn't ZZS' armour peices be banned? They're ITEMS!"

 

[Alterhalo]

If I don't see a John McCain pic in this topic by tommorow.


I will **** a brick.

I lol'ed so hard I spit my snapple all over my boxers and I cried in the corner...

Oh my most famous John was I was to distracted by my guitar it told me to touch it's strings

 

[Ceph]

Nana is just being a lazy ***** =P

That too.

10couchpotatoes

 

[SothE700k]

No John (McCain)?

 

[TEECO]

When I lose, that means there was dust in my eye.

 

[lilmister]

Me chaingrabbing my bro:
"Oi...wa...awww what a cheeser!"

 

[Jimnymebob]

Playing with nephew- his first time using Marths Final Smash. We were on Battlefield, he shouts "I will not be denied this!", activates it, and goes soaring to the left of the screen t his doom XD.
There was no one in the air at that time apart from me, but I was MK, so I was just Shuttlelooping and stuff.

 

[Wizard99]

*Playing on FD*

"THE LIP!!" T_T

 

[gunterrsmash01]

"I was trying out stuff"

a common one, but irritates me regardless.

 

[Zook]

I also always constantly complain about how cheap I think Wolf's f-smash is. The Wolf player always complains about Sheik's f-tilt.

I play mostly as Yoshi and Sheik, btw.

 

[Snowstalker]

"I keep forgetting to recover"

 

[[TSON]]

- MY SISTAH SLAPD ME
- I had to sneeze
- My modem d/c! (I lol'd cause we didnt even disconnect)
- THE AV CORDS CAME OUT
- omg wtf u have cheats on
- WTF HOW DID YOU DO THAT
- I CUDENT DO NOTHING (lol laser lock, then repedately death grabbing lololo)

 

[Hype]

when ever someone johns about getting a "LAME" death. I just tell them death is a natural part of life.

 

[ParanoidDrone]

"You play this game too much." - An acquaintance after getting 3-stocked. Nevermind the fact that I've actually been playing far less than my usual standard for various reasons.

 

[Mike87]

why are excuses called Johns? Thats a weird thing to call them, mainly because "john" is pimp slang for a customer.

 

[Pearl Floatzel]

why are excuses called Johns? Thats a weird thing to call them, mainly because "john" is pimp slang for a customer.

So, so far we've got johns, sex kicks, and ZSS.
Oh, and that brick a couple of pages back.
What will be next?

On topic:
"My nose itched."
"Olimar/MK/Falco is cheap."
"Chaingrabbing is dumb."
"I accidentally suicided with Wolf."
"You didn't kill me, I just didn't recover right."
"Three suicides don't mean a three stock." (As Wolf)
"The bananas are dumb."
"All the PK Fires were distracting me." (Against Lucas)
"You grab too much."
"That should have worked!"
"My controller fell out of my hands."
"This control stick isn't working." (hypersensitive Control Stick)
"I've never played against that character."
"ZSS is broken. You get distracted just playing against her."
"Lucky Falcon Punch."

 

[PillowPants]

"Omg! wtf that wasnt sposed to hit me!" speaking of ROBs rediculously big hit box of his B-air

 

[Affinity]

"We would have won if team attack wasn't on; its the same as free-for-all!"

 

[Boofy!]

^ lol that one used to be my favorite in melee

 

[Snowstalker]

"This character sucks"

The thing is, he said that about Meta Knight.

 

[Dark Ryu]

Why couldn't I jump again? -Classic

 

[Sgt. Baker]

"I pressed the shield button!!!" haha

I love hearing that when people play Ganon

 

[JCav]

Why couldn't I jump again? -Classic

qft. cant even say how many times ive heard that one

 

[Wizard99]

"I pressed the shield button!!!" haha

I love hearing that when people play Ganon

My friend hears that one all the time, but he plays Marth (Shieldbreaker)

 

[Black_Heretic]

You only won because I have erectile dysfunction

 

[FAILchion-]

(In Melee)

Him: Your Sheik is so ****ing cheap, all you do is grab + throw, grab + throw, grab + throw, and C-Stick like crazy later on.
Me: It's called 'chain-gripping.'
Him: That's a gay name. You're so gay.

Him: OH WOW, edge-hogging? You're so gay!
Me: It's part of the game, learn it and do it against me.
-he tries doing it, and Falcon Dive him off the edge, leading to his death-
Him: What the **** was that?! You're obviously ****ing cheating!

He curses so much at me, it's hilarious to a point.

 

[MrLuigiman]

One time i was playing with my bro and our uncle, i was kicking their butt, and they said "Stop getting the smash ball and items"

 

[Joak]

Me trying out Falco and chaingrabbing:
Him: That's cheap, I can't do anything against it!
Me: It only works until a certain %...
Him: Still cheap!
Me: Don't get grabbed, try jumping and space more.
Him: I can't! It's cheap
Me: Yes, you can... -_-
Him: ...Still cheap...

 

[ToxiCrow]

You only won because I have erectile dysfunction

i've heard that one before.

i've also heard " You only win because u spam the a-button."

 

[Dark Ryu]

"I only lost because you don't let me get back on the stage you ***, fight like a real man."

 

[felix0-9]

where do i begin...? one of my friends johns more than Mccain himself, here's what he does when he has to play against each of my characters:

"His john." (My response)

All:
"The character I'm using sucks." (Using this john, apparently every character in this game sucks)
"If you played fair, I'd win!" (Sure, buddy)
"Chain-grabbing is spamming!" (No, it's awesome)

Olimar:
"You spammed pikmin throw!" (I had used it twice the whole match)
"No fair! It was seven on one!" (I don't know how to respond to that)
"It's no fair how long his grab is!" (Well, live with it)
"You gimped me with a pikmin!" (Hell yeah!)

Falco:
"**** chainthrowing." (A bird just killed you. You no longer have any dignity.)
"You spammed the laser!" (This from the man who does over 90% of the total damage he does with Fox's laser)
"You kept spiking me!" (Well yes, that's sort of the point)

Marth:
"He's just a stupid clone of Ike." (That shows how little you know about this game)
"You edgehogged me!" (Dingdingding! True!)
"I was using a lowtier character!" (You were using MK.)

 

[Zook]

People, step off of your pedestal share your own johns. You don't sound cool sharing other people's johns.

 

[Ukemi]

Ace Gordon's John (see survivor thread around page 290).

"I'm from Survivor."

Not really a john but it's so epic fail that I have to post it.

 

[Dark Ryu]

My favorite john that I always use " Wow, I would've won if I didn't press b again" (when using diddys hump kick, if you press b again you cant use your UpB for recovery) XD

 

[SwastikaPyle]

"Stop using that cheap move"

This was referencing Kirby's down+b.

 

[brinboy789]

one from my little bro:

"I WOULDVE WON IF YOU DIDNT KILL ME ALL THOSE TIMES"

>_>

 

[TheTomNookster]

"I was trying to fart and it distracted me from the game."

-- Roommate​

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