Airwalkerr
Smash Journeyman
Link to original post: [drupal=2136]Neutrosexual?[/drupal]
Hello, SWF. I was hoping just in need of a good vent, so I thought I'd blog it and spare my few understanding friends the time needed to listen to me *****. I will try to keep this as clean as possible, seeing as it has to do with sexually related teenage angst, but feel free to close it if you feel it is getting out of control, mods.
So anyway, it all started with the onset of puberty. Like all teenage boys, the horomones started up and I started to get certain urges. I have always had rather romantic ideals about sex, so I wanted to make sure I saved losing my virginity to someone special. So in my own mind, I kind of... the best way to put it is, I demonized girls inside my mind, so that I could wait for the right girl and filter out all the skanks. I went from being a humorous and charming guy around girls to being quiet and awkward, which counteracted the whole purpose of waiting for a special girl.
If I never got to know any girls, how could I meet the special one? I had plenty of great girls try to get to know me over the years, but my wierd complex never let it go anywhere. So after realizing this, I had a crazy change of heart compelled by confusion, peer pressure (all my friends had started bragging about their personal sexual experiences)and primal male instinct, in which I decided to go out, get drunk with some rather permiscuos girls and lose my virginity. And so started a bizarre chain of events that changed my entire outlook on life. 2 girls out of this particular crowd stand out in the context of this story. We will call them H and B, respectively. H is a very pretty and funny girl who I had my eyes on. B is H's best friend, who is notorious in my area for having a fling with a man 10 years older than her.
She also once told me she thought I was the most handsome guy in the school (Uh oh, right?). So I'm at a house with a couple of my friends and these girls when my friends dad kicks most of us out. I sieze the oppurtunity to invite the girls over to my house, since they have knowhere else to go.We start walking and I really put the moves onto H. And the moves all fall flat. She had a crush on some drop-out hockey player at the time, and she kept bringing him up. Meanwhile, B was working her moves on me. Typical. So we're talking, and they ask about how many girls I've slept with. I say 0. So they kinda let it be at the moment and dare me to chug the rest of my 2 6. I do... We get back to my house and B tells me she is going to take my virginity. And do you know what happens?
We make-out for 20 minutes in the nude, and even though I have so much booze in my body, I am not attracted to this girl at all. My drunk *** realizes my old ideals to wait for the right girl, and I end it right there. We put our clothes on and they leave, while me and my friend go on a spirit walk. It was after this experience that everything changed. A weekend after this, H realizes she really likes me. She is hammered, and tells me to come over, there is nobody at her house. I go over, she starts kissing me, and I feel.... nothing.
This girl, the one I really liked, this girl who attracted me so much, now doesn't even get a flutter out of me. Its as if some strange defense mechanism kicked in after I almost lost my virginity to the wrong person. The ultimate defense mechanism in fact, because why would you lose your virginity when you are no longer attracted to anything. I exxagerate not. I considered for a while that I may be gay, but that just isn't the case. I've had what would have been called sensual interactions with girls after H, and none of it gets a reaction out of me.
I have since coined the term "Neutrosexual" to describe myself. I cannot find attraction in any person, I honestly don't even.... have onesomes anymore ;P. Has anyone on these boards ever heard of anything like this, or had a similiar experience? I feel totally alone as it is. I was just hoping somebody on the boards could give me some advice to get out out of this slump, or tell me what my disorder is or something. XD Its not even that I am so desperate to be involved with girls again, I just feel like I'm a freak or something... Discuss.
Hello, SWF. I was hoping just in need of a good vent, so I thought I'd blog it and spare my few understanding friends the time needed to listen to me *****. I will try to keep this as clean as possible, seeing as it has to do with sexually related teenage angst, but feel free to close it if you feel it is getting out of control, mods.
So anyway, it all started with the onset of puberty. Like all teenage boys, the horomones started up and I started to get certain urges. I have always had rather romantic ideals about sex, so I wanted to make sure I saved losing my virginity to someone special. So in my own mind, I kind of... the best way to put it is, I demonized girls inside my mind, so that I could wait for the right girl and filter out all the skanks. I went from being a humorous and charming guy around girls to being quiet and awkward, which counteracted the whole purpose of waiting for a special girl.
If I never got to know any girls, how could I meet the special one? I had plenty of great girls try to get to know me over the years, but my wierd complex never let it go anywhere. So after realizing this, I had a crazy change of heart compelled by confusion, peer pressure (all my friends had started bragging about their personal sexual experiences)and primal male instinct, in which I decided to go out, get drunk with some rather permiscuos girls and lose my virginity. And so started a bizarre chain of events that changed my entire outlook on life. 2 girls out of this particular crowd stand out in the context of this story. We will call them H and B, respectively. H is a very pretty and funny girl who I had my eyes on. B is H's best friend, who is notorious in my area for having a fling with a man 10 years older than her.
She also once told me she thought I was the most handsome guy in the school (Uh oh, right?). So I'm at a house with a couple of my friends and these girls when my friends dad kicks most of us out. I sieze the oppurtunity to invite the girls over to my house, since they have knowhere else to go.We start walking and I really put the moves onto H. And the moves all fall flat. She had a crush on some drop-out hockey player at the time, and she kept bringing him up. Meanwhile, B was working her moves on me. Typical. So we're talking, and they ask about how many girls I've slept with. I say 0. So they kinda let it be at the moment and dare me to chug the rest of my 2 6. I do... We get back to my house and B tells me she is going to take my virginity. And do you know what happens?
We make-out for 20 minutes in the nude, and even though I have so much booze in my body, I am not attracted to this girl at all. My drunk *** realizes my old ideals to wait for the right girl, and I end it right there. We put our clothes on and they leave, while me and my friend go on a spirit walk. It was after this experience that everything changed. A weekend after this, H realizes she really likes me. She is hammered, and tells me to come over, there is nobody at her house. I go over, she starts kissing me, and I feel.... nothing.
This girl, the one I really liked, this girl who attracted me so much, now doesn't even get a flutter out of me. Its as if some strange defense mechanism kicked in after I almost lost my virginity to the wrong person. The ultimate defense mechanism in fact, because why would you lose your virginity when you are no longer attracted to anything. I exxagerate not. I considered for a while that I may be gay, but that just isn't the case. I've had what would have been called sensual interactions with girls after H, and none of it gets a reaction out of me.
I have since coined the term "Neutrosexual" to describe myself. I cannot find attraction in any person, I honestly don't even.... have onesomes anymore ;P. Has anyone on these boards ever heard of anything like this, or had a similiar experience? I feel totally alone as it is. I was just hoping somebody on the boards could give me some advice to get out out of this slump, or tell me what my disorder is or something. XD Its not even that I am so desperate to be involved with girls again, I just feel like I'm a freak or something... Discuss.
And the only girl I have loved since is Mary Jane. But changing the topic, I had no idea people existed without sexualities, for any manner of reasons, so I made a name for it. Sorry if it leads you on that I'm bi, I'm not ...anything. ;-) I think Frown may have hit the nail on the head, however. Its probably just a phase, after I get out of high school into the big world, everythings probably gonna change.
