Parents and Melee; Advice?

[Ryobeat]

SO. Me and my friend brian have been playing competitive melee for a year now. We both have a strong passion for this game, and want to get better. We just turned 15, and are trying to go to as many tournaments as possible to get experience(Tournament wise, we really lack that. I've been to maybe 13 tournaments, but I've yet to fight a bunch characters on the tier list, even in friendlies), BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM. His parents DESPISE tournaments and all of the video game scene. I don't want to get into detail because its bascially what all parents say "its just a game" "wasting your life on this" "should be playing sports". Anyways, I got to way more tournaments they he does. I think i've been to like 15, he's been to 4(And the first 3, he was either too shy to play other people, or didnt know enough about the game yet to understand what he did wrong.) So my question is; how can he get experience as a player? His parents are hard to argue with about this subject, we dont have a car to go out and play other people; any ideas? My idea is to try to get players to travel to where we are, and i hold a monthly tournament, but that won't happen just yet because we live in a really small spanish town with no REAL venues for tournaments. Advice?

 

[oliman]

As an expert in this area, try bull****ting. Create facades to cover tournament ventures, if possible. Get a handsome, productive smash-friend person to come by and talk with his parents. This only might help; every parent is different.
Since you're in a small town, invite people to your house. Hold mini-tournaments and smashfests n all.

 

[Battlecow]

I mean idk if you can convince his parents. What I did at your age was lie like a rug; I remember one time I was supposed to go on a tour/college visit to Stanford and I skipped it because there's a really good 64 player in the Bay Area and I took the BART to his house instead

That's probably a bad thing to do and older wiser smashers should tell you to like wait until you're older or something

 

[Dark Hart]

Yea l lied to my parents all senior year of high school about where I went, with more than smash lol but def smash too since they didn't like that

 

[Proskater]

Honesty will reward you.
Not just with this situation, but always.
Tell them that one thing you do does not define you as a person.
Show them that you have other interests, and that this isn't going to take over your life.

This will get you in the door.
Then, by the time Melee has taken over your life, it will be too late for them to do anything about it.

 

[iRobinhoood]

Lol tell them it's better than FPS shooters and wasting your whole day by yourself in your room. at least with melee your meeting new people and traveling about.

Tournaments are once a week. Majors are like every 2/3 months? What's the big deal? Lol

 

[the_CAM_factor]

Honesty will reward you.
Not just with this situation, but always.
Tell them that one thing you do does not define you as a person.
Show them that you have other interests, and that this isn't going to take over your life.

This will get you in the door.
Then, by the time Melee has taken over your life, it will be too late for them to do anything about it.

ahmen brother

 

[MOJoe]

By Spanish town, do you mean you live in Spain or The U.S., but an area that is spanish-influenced? If you live in the U.S., what state? I'm having a similar problem as you, but I'm 17 and can travel some distances.

 

[Lovage]

proskater has some good advice

you basically just have to make your parents trust you, and convince them that you won't end up overdosing on heroin because you played smash at a public venue.


show them a vid like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-JW43e1jY4
and maybe they'll get a better idea of it

P.S. also get your driver's license asap

 

[Dees]

As an expert in this area, try bull****ting. Create facades to cover tournament ventures, if possible. Get a handsome, productive smash-friend person to come by and talk with his parents. This only might help; every parent is different.
Since you're in a small town, invite people to your house. Hold mini-tournaments and smashfests n all.

give 'em the big ole dempt

North East Ohio represent

 

[JKJ]

I'm having a similar problem. My parents let me go to locals, sure, but they refuse to even consider allowing me to go to out-of-state tournaments. To them, this is a cute little phase, but I'll outgrow it; there's no reason for them to go out of their way to help me get further into the community. At 16, there's not much I can do about it.
They also have a grudge against me using our old CRT TV... they can't fathom why it's necessary when we have a 65" plasma, even though I have explained to them the necessity multiple times.
In short, my parents hate my competitive gaming hobby.
I wrote an essay about it: http://www.smashboards.com/showthread.php?t=330222

 

[Silent Wolf]

tell him to be more social. if hes too shy at tournaments then hes obviously not very social and his parents are scared of him being a little ***** lol

 

[Jolteon]

When I was younger I just lied about where I was going when I traveled to events. Now that I'm older it's different.

 

[Gea]

show them a vid like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-JW43e1jY4
and maybe they'll get a better idea of it

P.S. also get your driver's license asap

Best post right here. I miss downloading Bach's stuff off of DC++

 

[Ryobeat]

I have no idea how to multi-quote and answer everything, so I'm just gonna put this by person:

Oliman: I don't think we can introduce them to a "handsome smasher" , because most people around here are 18-19. So it's hard to introduce them without them realizing that its a college student. And no house stuff, because they will look to old we are like, 5'6 or 5'7, other guys look way older. Our one smasher that lives right next to us is 28 years old, and he's like 6'3. LOLOL, we cant bring him.



Battlecow: You can only lie so far. Everyone is either in DEEP SOUTH NJ, (we can't get there by bus), or NY. (where we can get there quick, but let's say we need to come home(curfew is like, 8 or 9pm), its hard to come back from the lie. His parents are pretty strict)

Lovage/Proskater: That's exactly what I want to do, i just don't know how to help his parents understand. The video will be a major sticking point/ other interviews and stuff.

Hmmmm, I'm trying to think of other ways. Thanks for everything so far!!

Oh! And MOjoe, i live in this town thats 1 square mile caleed Fairview. It's by the city.

 

[Elyssa Xey Hexen]

Option 1: Do nothing and wait until older.

Option 2: I suppose you could attempt to circumvent things. A bit harder when you are younger without ability for transportation.

Option 3: Attempt to convince with reasonable arguments perhaps.

Parental Excuse: "its just a game"
Counter: Exactly, its only a game. Playing sports, reading a book, watching a movie, hanging out with friends, etc. Its all stuff to pass the time with fun. Playing this melee thing is no different than a fun hobby on the side.

Going to a tournament maybe once a month for an afternoon is pretty much the same thing as doing something for an afternoon or evening. You'd use gas to get to the destination. Spending say $15 in total for venue and a single tourney entry is about the same as getting into a movie or something. Only its more cost effective depending how long you stay. Many tournaments are good for the entire afternoon if they are run by a local smasher. If run by a more business like a video game store, the hours are usually less, but can still last about 6 hours. Even if you do not enter the tournament you can usually get in plenty of friendlies.

Not sure what to say for a tournament that is over an hour away.

Parental Excuse: "wasting your life on this"
Counter: Playing melee and attending a tournament is really only going to take up a small amount of time compared to the rest of the stuff I'd do. Clearly you'd be spending more time on important things such as school, active responsibilities , etc.

Parental Excuse: "should be playing sports"
Counter: As someone still in school, you should have all the time in the world to do many different things. You can do school, sports, melee, and lots of other things by spreading it out over a week and over a month.

Overall, I think many bad arguments brought up by parents can be countered fairly well. You just have to defend yourself with some reasonable argument. Maybe try winning it over with previous things you done in the past.

Uh.. if they ever brought up the argument against older people being a negative influence, you could try finding a tournament that's in a public area. A tournament run in a video game store or at a hotel is more "secure" environment than if you tried going to some random person house. Some arguments you probably cannot win such as going to a random person's house. The only way out of that one would be to meet someone at a tournament that you get along well with or something. Then it grows into a friendship, etc. Another losing example is trying to get parents to spend 800 dollars for a plane ticket to apex is something no parent will want to try going along with. If you have/get a job in future you can pay for the venue/tournament expenses yourself and only need help with the transportation.

 

[oukd]

@xeylode i wouldn't recommend counterarguments since it's basically talking back

it's important to consider that his parents are right to an extent. its true the competitive aspect of melee is very engaging and you meet awesome people etcetc. but it is ultimately just a game and everything does in fact revolve around a game. whether or not this is important isn't really the main issue...relative to their world view there really isn't any logical arguing to be had as long as this fact in itself is inescapable and true. so don't go down that path imo. if anything he'll just get them to angrily bust out their seniority on you and quit logic (most parents have a limit on subjects like this with their kids where they "just don't like it") and it'll just make their relationship worse

at least this is true in my parent's case lmao. thankfully im old now

proskater/lovage hit the nail on the head. get your parent's trust as effectively as possible, and start drivers ed asap. id like to add that if you want them to believe that smash won't take over your life, you'll have to demonstrate that your parents' fears aren't really a problem, ie demonstrate that you can still excel in other areas of life while putting your free time in for smash.

ie. the comment on 'should be playing sports' makes me think that they're worried about his health/connection with peers, and that maybe he's not being as active/socially involved as most people, so he should change this. then again most smashers are rather sedentary loool.

or you could lie like everyone else said they did when they were younger. it seemed to work out pretty well for them.

 

[Avalancer]

@xeylode i wouldn't recommend counterarguments since it's basically talking back

Parents hate to be proven wrong by their kids. It's better to just tell them why going to a tournament is harmless fun, or get some cool handsome smasher to do the word. (or lie if you can cover it up, I went to a tournament once and told my parents I was playing at my friend's house and eating dinner)

 

[FoxoF]

Send his parents a link to this thread

 

[Deleted member]

this is spot on

http://www.smashboards.com/showthread.php?t=328475

 

[i will find peace]

your parents dont trust you. you should work on that, not lie to them

 

[prog]

If I recall, there used to be a tournament series run in Fairview. See if the venue is still around, maybe start hosting fests or something there if possible.

Be honest. It's a hobby, and if they want a trade off (more chores, taking up an instrument/sport) go for it. Makes you more well rounded and they get their way too.

 

[Elyssa Xey Hexen]

@xeylode i wouldn't recommend counterarguments since it's basically talking back

I suppose I left out a bit of tact when I meant about giving a counter arguments. Knowing when to back down. Don't make the conversation negative or something. I dunno. I guess I just dealt with half-way reasonable people all my life, and I was never trying to dominate or proof anyone wrong. Only try to convince in partial a change of view.

Parents hate to be proven wrong by their kids. It's better to just tell them why going to a tournament is harmless fun, or get some cool handsome smasher to do the word.

Another thing which probably should have mentioned. I mean you can achieve your goal and not make it seem like you are trying to dominate your parents as your statement sort of sounds like. I mean, you just want to coax them into your way of thinking a bit. For example, you could making small points to down play any fears or concerns they might half. Then, to smooth out any wrinkles you sort of meet half way in the middle. For example, if you were willing to drive me down to this tournament, I would pay for the gas and my own entry fee with the job I half. Stuff like that. You aren't trying to proof them wrong, you just trying to alter their perspective. Again back to doing things tactfully.

 

[KrIsP!]

tl;dr there are 3 ways to get into smash. Be honest (requires a certain type of parent), lie through your teeth (requires you have a way to get where your going without seeming suspicious), **** off and do it anyways (requires you have indpendence and don't give a **** about your parents). I feel like we all go through the same **** with this but here's my story anyways.

Back in '06 I tried the honest approach cause I was kid. They gave me weird looks and acted like it was a childish thing but went a long with it...so long as my friend's dad brought me(and that guy was super supportive of smash, he even played with me and my friend as samus) but my friend lived far and I only saw him when he visited his grandmother so I couldn't even get in some smash once a month so I quit.

2 years later I tried again cause brawl, took the honest approach and tried to drag my school friends into it cause that's a great way to convince your parents you'll be okay. They played brawl though I was going to get them into melee. My dad was fine with it, though still giving me the WTF look and he offered to bring me, but my friends got the cliche I'll be better than everyone and won't even care to play strangers so they dropped out last minute and I went alone, which felt awkward for me and my dad. He was bringing me to the middle of nowhere to play games with strangers, and the real problem is he didn't care about it at all so I came late, left early, didn't finish pools and I quit again.

A year later I met up with that same friend who got me into smash to play a bit and he told me about a smashfest the next day. I tried the **** all, I'm lieing approach and got my friend to bring me to a smashfest. Somewhat awkward cause I didn't know anybody and couldn't play well but still fun. That was my ticket in, unfortunately I haven't seen that friend since that smashfest because he lives far and his grandmother moved away so meeting up was impossible until someone got their license, he quit smash by then and I haven't talked to him since. I quit again.

Now I'm going to school downtown and taking the subway, which just so happens to go by the place where monthlies and weekly friendlies are held. I want to get serious about this ****, I should have been playing for like 7 years by now but I'm just starting out so I lied to my parents, started playing smash, got my license...unfortunately the car I can drive is the one my dad uses because his car costs too much for gas so going anywhere means him feeling like it's easier to bring me and keep the car for himself so anything other than monthlies is still hard, tried lieing about apex and saying I was going to NY with friends, they didn't care but didn't like the busing down in the winter idea. I could've fought harder for it but decided I might as well practice more before shelling out money to go 2 and out in bracket pools.

 

[oksas]

imo it could be really useful to have someone (or group of people) in the community make a little sort of "introduction" video to the community; essentially a video version of these responses i suppose, a video response to parents. talk about the community, show some tourney footage, have some top players talk a little bit, etc.

i nominate wobbles

 

[Battlecow]

I mean it's not that easy to convince parents via reasonable arguments when they already have an idea in their head

I don't see "Mom look at this video of this guy from arizona what reasonable people we all are!" working, but good luck

 

[Metal Reeper]

This is gonna suck hearing this. But just try to keep at it until you can get your license and a car. That's when you finally get good lol.
If you should show any video to your parents it should be this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWXKAjABarA

 

[RFrizzle]

Why dont you just kill your parents then wear their bodies and give yourself permission?

 

[Mr.Jackpot]

It's the same situation for me and my friend to, except he's gone to about 5 monthlys and one regional (which happened to be where our monthly usually are) and I've been to one tournament and that was over a year ago.

My mom's the crazy type that thinks playing video games makes people violent so I'm just gonna wait until I hit college (3 years), Project M's sort of my assurance that plenty of us will still be around then.

 

[Zhea]

"It's a waste of time, you should do sports" is a load of crap. I did sports camps for a couple years until my parent's figured out that it was a waste of my time, their time and their money. It didn't teach me discipline, I lost all the muscle I built up during the following year because I didn't care enough to maintain it, the other kids and I had nothing in common, so I made no friends and I had a ****ty time.

Conversely with melee, since I started playing it a year and a half ago I have made new friends, gave me the drive to start working out again(mixed reasons, but melee is part of it), and gave me new perspective on game design (considering it's my career that's important). I also know of some melee community members who owe some of their jobs to the connections they have made here and I am not talking minimum wage crap. As far as discipline goes, College kind of beat it into me due to my career path, but you won't get far in this game without learning it.

It's all about drive. If your friend is passionate about getting competitive with melee, he will get so much more out of it then he will with other "better" activities that he doesn't care about.

Money would be a more believable complaint. Gas prices are not what they used to be, and if his parents are driving him to these events that can get pricey in both time and money. If they are just dropping him off it literally costs twice as much in gas and time then if he got a ride with someone attending the tournament. A couple weeks back I took a train back up to troy to hang out with some friends and play at a smash tourney they were holding. The transportation, taxis included cost me about $160 bucks total. This was cheaper than paying the gas for to drive me up and just drop me off(Would have been 8 hours total of driving for my rides).

The only other legitimate argument I can think of involves them not being comfortable with him being so faraway for a period of time unchaperoned. That's sort of a peace of mind issue that he needs to talk with them about. Sooner or later they need to face that issue anyway.

Best of luck.

 

[S l o X]

Honesty will reward you.
Not just with this situation, but always.
Tell them that one thing you do does not define you as a person.
Show them that you have other interests, and that this isn't going to take over your life.

This will get you in the door.
Then, by the time Melee has taken over your life, it will be too late for them to do anything about it.

LOL JOE ANALYZEd ME PERFECTLY

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