The Professor Oak conspiracy

[commonyoshi]

I have just noticed something very... peculiar... about our beloved and respected Professor Oak. Here're exerts from my journal (not a diary, but a journal).

Date: October 14th, 2006.
Check out this recent picture of him without his clever Dove makeup taken near the crimescene of a murder. He looks sinister almost, and it's safe to say this is clearly not the Oak we love. That Oak is just a mask. The real man has been hiding something all along...

Date: December 8th, 2006.
We were all at Oak's house for my birthday party. While everyone was having a good time downstairs, I had to take a piss so I snuck...sneaked, snooked...>_<. I discreetly went upstairs to pee. It was here that I peeked into a room because its door was ajar. I saw this:

The following message played out in front of me: "Ash, soon our plans for world domination will be complete. Everyone will acknowledge me to be the supreme ruler of earth once my pokemon controlling device is prepared. All I need is-"

Then I really had to take a piss then so I just left.

Date: December 31st, 2006/January 1st, 2007.
At his New Year's party, I find many things of interest in Oak's home with a little investigating.
A statue dedicated to himself. (useful for making us bow to his likeness once he rules the world, I'm sure)

What appears to be a training pod. An evil training pod.

And my worst fear. It's what seems to be COMPLETELY trained and obedient pokemon. He must have done it. He must have perfected his Pokemon Controlling Device. What can stop him now?

PS: I didn't recieve my kiss at midnight.

Date: January 22nd, 2007.
T-There's no way what I just saw was real. First, he calls someone to meet with him.

Then him and... ASH'S MOM... They... Those... sick, sick filthy people...@_@

Professor Oak is a sham! We must expose him for what he truely is, a fiend! I have no further comment on this issue and have tried to show what I saw with evidence that was as PG as possible.

Date: February 14th, 2007.
What the heck? Just what does he use that Pokemon Controlling Device for? Odd fettish.

Date: February 23rd, 2007.
There's no way I can get close to him for he is too well protected by his gangsta possie. I need all of your help in exposing Oak and taking him down.

Professor Oak has been lying to us all...

 

[OF 'til I OD]

Our worst fears are now becoming all too real. This is bad, very bad. Professor Oak has a seemingly infinite amount of soldiers, ammunition, and weapons. It appears to be a losing battle, so we must risk lives...to save lives.

Our secret weapon, has not been fully tested, and has shown mixed results, but we have no choice!

Just looking at it, strikes fear into the subjects.

It might just be crazy enough to work.

We have tested these on two Subjects, one Richie, and one Brock. Although they have lost many brain cells, and no longer can think for themselves, they are now simply this, KILLING MACHINES! Loyal to the will of their masters.

No longer able to even speak, Richie knows one thing--DEATH!

As you can clearly tell, the Roid Rage has engulfed Brock.

Will these killing machines even the playing fields?!?

 

[commonyoshi]

Well, they're going to have to. Many, in fact I think you and I are the only ones who believe otherwise, all think Professor Oak is still about human and pokemon togetherness. But he's just using his popularity status to get followers. Most of his minions dont even know what they're doing.

Just look at Tommy, here. He was caught abusing pokemon all in the name of pokemon progress. When he said that Oak had told him to do it, Oak denied everything and left him to rot in jail.

Oak has already started testing out his evil, mind controlled pokemon. Here's a satellite snapshot.

We have no idea what's happening, and I suspect pokemon mind control is just one part of his evil plan. If any of you have more information, please share it with us.

PS: Give my sister one of those shots. She coud use some shutting up.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

Upon closer inspection of Oak's daily rituals, I have noticed a large amount of buttsecks involved in his experiments.

It is all oh so clear now.... OAK WANTS TO BEND EVERYBODY OVER AND HE INTENDS TO KEEP US DOWN!

Clearly these long hours of buttsecks experiments are designed to subdue the subjects into a perpetual bow. He wants us to bow down and he intends to keep us bowing!

Quite suspect indeed...

 

[Little Greg]

This is a very scary situation wit da big Bo$$ Dogg. I feel that I have tha skills ta defeat Oak now motherf*ckers lemme here ya say hoe. If not single-handizzles tizzy certainly wit tha hizzle of Richie n B-R-to-tha-izzock.

 

[OF 'til I OD]

I've discovered some grisly pictures inside of Professor Oak's secret laboratory. After seeing these pictures, I don't see how any could still believe that Professor Oak is a kind hearted man, who works for the good of Pokemon.

This poor pokemon must have been poisoned by the Evil Professor.

I don't even know if this is a Pokemon, but nevertheless, it is a creature, and Professor Oak treats it as a lab rat.

 

[Zook]

Y'know how he says to call him the Pokemon Prof.? I just discovered that it stands for 'Present Ruler Of Furret-mafia.' He's been using those Furrets to take us over!

 

[commonyoshi]

I just descovered another machine! It transforms regular beings into... well, I dont really know yet. I think it's part of Oak's plan to make everything lame.

Here's a picture of the machine.

Here's Ash.

W-what the heck? Are these Pokemon? @_@

PS: Oak likes hentai.

 

[lonejedi]

I too have wondered about Oak, and because of this curiousity, I stumbled into his lab, only to find this!

It's EEvisu... but with underwear on his head.... only a man like oak would do something so sinister, and this leads to another question. How is EEvisu involved? Is there some sort of weird connection between the two.

 

[demoncaterpie]

I didn't believe that our beloved Professor Oak could do such a thing. But then, one day, while taking a walk near his home, I heard a strange noise and saw this.

Not only is he controlling Pokemon, he's genetically mutating them with people! Is there no end to Professor Oaks' evil? We have to stop this man before he takes over the entire world!!

Your Book of Satan wont save you this time! We're on to your little scheme, and we will stop you!

 

[OF 'til I OD]

We've got him on the RUN! Oak has been spotted on various other television shows. It's obvious he's attempting to travel unnoticed through the various TV Channels. Here's proof:

Here he is, stealthily passing through "The X-Files".

In this picture, he is seen plotting with Spongebob and Patrick. The plot thickens.

Randy Jackon's awesomeness combined with the Deviousness of Oak is an incredible combo.

It's sad, how even after all the sick things that Oak has done, he can still smile and wave at the camera.

 

[commonyoshi]

Date: February 26, 2007

Oak is still lying like a dog to reporters who come to interview him in regards to my outlandish claims. It seems our word is spreading though most still believe he is a good man. In fact, Oak is using this as an opportunity to gather followers. Here're some commercials I've seen today.

Cigarrettes!

Sex appeal!

I've even heard rumors of a SuperBowl commercial.

 

[lonejedi]

January 10th 2007

It seems that things have grown worse. Not only is Oak manipulated the media, but he's also amassed a huge army of tribesmen from Peru.

What kind of evil man would take over a tribe such as this one, apparently not for peaceful ones. But it seems he is preparing for attack. While I was snooping around Oak's Personal Pokemon Library, I came upon a manuscript of a war plan.

It seems that he is plotting to places his forces on the rocks, dividing the rocks into 3 seperate groups. The Tribesmen on one, the pokemon on another, and the pokeMEN on the third. I fear great casualties if we do not put a stop to this.

 

[OF 'til I OD]

Realizing the disaster at hand, I realized I must travel to Peru. However, I traveled not alone, but with my loyal Spartans.

The Spartans and I, traversing the rough terrain of Machu Picchu.

When we arrived at our destination, I spoke with my Spartans.

Toecutter: Spartans! Enjoy your breakfast, for tonight we dine in Hell!
[Spartans Cheer]
Toecutter: Give them nothing! But take from them everything!
[Spartans Cheer]

Finally,

Toecutter: Give them nothing! But take from them everything!

We then came upon the Tribesmen, with Oak among them.

Toecutter: This is where we fight! This is where they die!
Spartan Captain: On these shields, boys!
[Spartans cheer]
Toecutter: Remember this day, men, for it will be yours for all time.
Professor Oak: SPARTANS! Lay down your weapons!
Toecutter: Oak...COME AND GET THEM!

A fierce battle ensued:

After the battle, the Spartans were victorious, and Oak was left all alone.

Toecutter: A new age has come, an age of freedom. And all will know that 300 Spartans gave their last breath to defend it. SURRENDER OAK!
Oak: I will never surrender!
Toecutter: Then you die...
Oak: This is madness.
Toecutter: Madness? This is Sparta!

I raised my sword to vanquish the enemy, yet he had one last trick up his sleeve. He called out Abra, and as my sword came down, he was gone. Transported to safety. He was gone, yet again.

*gets angry*



*kicks little girl into hole*

 

[commonyoshi]

This is all I have for now. I'm following a lead that may or may not take us anywhere. Good job guys. Try to hold him off for just a while longer.

Timmy and I were trailing Oak. He found caught us and pushed Timmy off a cliff. I tried my hardest to save him, but Oak and his forces were just too powerful. I managed to escape with Timmy's Bulbasaur. I have yet to find Timmy's body, but I already know he's dead. No one could survive that fall.

 

[OF 'til I OD]

Was it into a hole?

lolz

 

[shadenexus18]

Professor Oak.....evil?! He must be working with Giovanni or something.

 

[commonyoshi]

Giovanni?! Are you kidding me? Giovania isn't fit to clean Oak's toilet.

 

[shadenexus18]

But Giovanni is the mastermind of Team Rocket!

 

[commonyoshi]

Psht! Giovanni is small potatoes compared to what we're dealing whith here. Stop trying to distract us from our objective.

Can you hear me? I've followed Oak to the very moon itself! He has something, I dont know what, planned up here. I've never seen so many evil goons. Everyone is wearing space armor preparing for battle. I can see a large machine up here, but I cant say its function as of now. The thing I find scariest though is Oak himself. HE'S NOT WEARING A BLOODY SPACE SUIT! He's talking and breathing like he's still back on earth.

Wait. What's --agh! What the heck is that? Venusaur attack!

Venusaur! Nooooooo!

 

[shadenexus18]

Then that's an indication that Oak isn't human at all. He's not wearing a space suit. The plot thickens........

 

[OF 'til I OD]

Then that's an indication that Oak isn't human at all. He's not wearing a space suit. The plot thickens........

Of course he's human. He's just wearing an Invisible Space Suit. He's simply influential enough to acquire such things from NASA.

Here's a picture of the Invisible Space Suit:

 

[commonyoshi]

Whew, I managed to escape with Venusaur from that Mutant Venusaur. Silly thing. If only he was a Leafass... His time will come soon.

Invisible suit, eh? I wondered why it took Oak so long to go to the bathroom. And here I was thinking he was secretly a woman.

 

[OF 'til I OD]

If only he was a Leafass... His time will come soon.

<3


*remembering all the good times with Leafass*

 

[Cupcakes]

Oak!!! How could you!!!! Was what you said to me last night a lie?!?!

 

[valtiel]

Omg I Knew He Couldnt Be Trusted!!!!!

 

[Cupcakes]

No wonder everytime there's a new game, the professor is a new one! Oak must be behind this...

 

[valtiel]

hey! all we need to do is kidnap gary and make him talk im sure he'll spill the beans......hehehe...

 

[Flipstar]

What if professor oak is a mutant oak tree that wants to get revenge on pokemon and humans for destroying his brothers*gasp*

 

[Zook]

Ha, Flipstar, you are so not funny. This forum need less people like you!

 

[commonyoshi]

I am ashamed and proud of this topic. I cant believe how much time I pissed off on this though. >_>
No offense to Chill, but I liked the Pokeboard better when there were absolutely no rules and there were only five people who went here regularly. Lousy Diamond and Pearl!

Log Entry: November 19, 2008
The Ultimate Conclusion
He killed Timmy. He killed Venasaur. He killed everybody. Finally, Professor Oak and I met atop a space ship hurdling at light speed towards an enormous black hole.

"You think you can kill me, foolish boy?" He snarled. "I am the Pokemon King, master of all"

"Not this time" I cooly replied. "The time for you to end your reign of destruction has finally come. There are no more Horcruxes. It's just you and me. Neither can live while the other survives, and one of us is about to leave for good."
"One of us?" Voldemort jeered. "You think it will be you, do you, the boy who has survived by accident, and because Dumbledore was pulling the strings?"
"Adavera Kedavra!"
"Expelliaramus!"
...
And that was how I defeated Oak. I just did what Harry Potter did while facing an enemy blatantly more powerful than him. Relly on sheer haxor luck because at that moment a meteorite hit Oak's head and he died.

 

[Flipstar]

Ha, Flipstar, you are so not funny. This forum need less people like you!

sarcasm ftw? lol i dunno i was bored >.<

 

[Chill]

lol, we can still have this threads they just need to be funny. I think everyone just got distracted by Brawl and stopped coming here. I even said this would happen in my 'top 20' thread.

 

[Flipstar]

wow this thread is like 9 months old 0.0

 

[KevinM]

You're a moron

 

[MasterMatt]

hahaha
nice thread
never saw it before
kind of lame though
but funny

 

[Platypus]

You know that feeling of hope in humanity? Yeah, it's gone.

By the way, I think one of these screenshots is from Super Columbine Massacre...

 

[Sabrewulf238]

This is a funny thread

Last night I was looking out the window when I saw a shocking sight, thankfully I managed to take a picture.

Unbelievable I know

 

[commonyoshi]

Invisible suit, eh? I wondered why it took Oak so long to go to the bathroom. And here I was thinking he was secretly a woman.

This is the greatest post I have ever made, or ever will make.

hahaha
nice thread
never saw it before
kind of lame though
but funny

All of my Pokecenter spam threads all follow the same formula. They have to be centered around Pokemon, and they have to mock it in some way. Current, popular media is encouraged to be used as a spoof. And the thread must be incredibly lame yet oddly fun to participate in at the same time. ^_^

Edit: And Photoshop is always good.

lol, we can still have this threads they just need to be funny.

Haha. Good to know. If I ever come up with another lame yet humorous thread idea I'll be sure to post it up.

 

[OF 'til I OD]

This is the greatest post I have ever made, or ever will make.

wewt I inspired/brought it on.