Here's the deal, I need some rep here, I don't know how to get it in any other way than this. Read this, I made it.
TP's Digest
Teachers! Homework is the #1 cause of cancer, constipation, heart attacks, and brain tumors. A recent study has shown that homework is in fact lethal. Let’s look at the statistics shall we?
“A vast majority of children who have had or have cancer have in fact,” now get this, “have at one time of their life had one or more forms of homework. Along with this we see that many people who have had heart attacks and/or brain tumors have been within 20 yards of homework at some time. A young child once became very hungry and could not resist the “temptation” to eat paper which had been his assignment. As disturbing as it is, he hasn’t went to the bathroom ever since. No further studies have been planned.” See, right there in black and white. Homework is deadly.
Now the reason I mention this is not only because I have nothing else to do, but also because I’ve noticed that children in the Brainerd District have been cruelly forced to do Homework. In an attempt to save their own lies they have used excuses like “See, my friend was drowning in lake so I jumped in to save him and my homework drown.” or “I put it in a safe so I wouldn’t lose it, and forgot the combination.” or the clever “My little sister ate it.” and the teacher’s mercilessly gave them an F--. (If you’ve fallen asleep at this point I don’t blame you.)
Is homework worth a life? IS HOMEWORK WORTH ANYTHING? IS IT? DO YOU FORCE THIS LETHAL TOXIN CALLED HOMEWORK ONTO INNOCENT CHILDREN FOR ENTERTAINMENT? Don't even try the whole, "We're only trying to increase your academic opportunities so you have a chance at life. And so you don’t end up dying next to an open refrigerator or having your wedding in a parking lot.”, because I ain't buyin'. (As true as that is) It's not like homework is the one thing keeping the fabric of time and space together. (Which we all know is video games; I mean come on... seriously.) Homework, simply put, is not helpful, is not fun, and is not survivable.
What I'm trying to say is, well, teachers please... ease off the homework. Let it go. Drop it like it's hot. We get enough stress as it is what with all the chores, the pressure to do well, getting to the next level in Pacman, and stuff as simple as chopping wood. Please, don't assign anything that can't be done in school. It just adds to our already tight schedule...Watch TV, eat, sleep, watch TV, go to the bathroom, eat, watch TV, repeat. Hey, it's not as simple as it looks. (Alot of times we have too eat, go to the bathroom, and watch TV all at the same time. Now that's multitasking) I have taken the liberty on behalf of you teachers, to make a list of signs that our stress level is maxed out. 1.) Having enough pimples to qualify as a constellation. 2.) Curling up in the into a ball and hiding under a rock. 3.) Frequent muscle spasms. 4.) Turning into the Hulk and running in a rampage across town knocking over buildings in birthday suits. In the case you see any of these symptoms, please find it in your heart to lighten the load and stop assigning homework.
Before I complain even more I'd like to answer your questions, and make sure you're not as confused. Now you may be thinking, "I've given homework before and my students aren't dead. If what you say is true, then why are they still alive?" Well, there is a very simple answer to that question that's so obvious I feel dumb trying to explain it to you. WE DON'T DO IT. DUH! THINK! Have we ever actually done the homework? Why do you think we get C's and D's? Another question that may be on your mind, if you yourself are a student, "Like... dude... like... you know... why... dude? There is another very simple answer to that question too: “Like dude, like... you know... like... like... you know... yeah.” So now that I’ve answered your questions, let’s move on.
As I was saying earlier, HOMEWORK STINKS! To tell you the truth, all I’ve ever learned from homework is the fact that it is a complete waste of time. Who really gets anything out of something they are forced to do? Teacher’s I know I have said the same thing over and over, but with different words, and I do so because it is an issue and should be dealt with. The time to act is now!
Now for kids reading this: This article is no excuse to start a revolutionary war against the schools of Brainerd. Talk out your problems. And teacher’s I know I may be a bad influence to every one but... Who cares? I’ll do what it takes to rid the education system of homework forever.
I know you what you all are thinking... and yes GI Joe could take Barbie any day. But you may also be thinking this article is completely baseless and was written by an idiot. I can assure you... It was. But at least you got a good laugh out of it. At least I hope you did. (If you didn’t I might have to cry myself to sleep tonight.)
TP's Digest
Teachers! Homework is the #1 cause of cancer, constipation, heart attacks, and brain tumors. A recent study has shown that homework is in fact lethal. Let’s look at the statistics shall we?
“A vast majority of children who have had or have cancer have in fact,” now get this, “have at one time of their life had one or more forms of homework. Along with this we see that many people who have had heart attacks and/or brain tumors have been within 20 yards of homework at some time. A young child once became very hungry and could not resist the “temptation” to eat paper which had been his assignment. As disturbing as it is, he hasn’t went to the bathroom ever since. No further studies have been planned.” See, right there in black and white. Homework is deadly.
Now the reason I mention this is not only because I have nothing else to do, but also because I’ve noticed that children in the Brainerd District have been cruelly forced to do Homework. In an attempt to save their own lies they have used excuses like “See, my friend was drowning in lake so I jumped in to save him and my homework drown.” or “I put it in a safe so I wouldn’t lose it, and forgot the combination.” or the clever “My little sister ate it.” and the teacher’s mercilessly gave them an F--. (If you’ve fallen asleep at this point I don’t blame you.)
Is homework worth a life? IS HOMEWORK WORTH ANYTHING? IS IT? DO YOU FORCE THIS LETHAL TOXIN CALLED HOMEWORK ONTO INNOCENT CHILDREN FOR ENTERTAINMENT? Don't even try the whole, "We're only trying to increase your academic opportunities so you have a chance at life. And so you don’t end up dying next to an open refrigerator or having your wedding in a parking lot.”, because I ain't buyin'. (As true as that is) It's not like homework is the one thing keeping the fabric of time and space together. (Which we all know is video games; I mean come on... seriously.) Homework, simply put, is not helpful, is not fun, and is not survivable.
What I'm trying to say is, well, teachers please... ease off the homework. Let it go. Drop it like it's hot. We get enough stress as it is what with all the chores, the pressure to do well, getting to the next level in Pacman, and stuff as simple as chopping wood. Please, don't assign anything that can't be done in school. It just adds to our already tight schedule...Watch TV, eat, sleep, watch TV, go to the bathroom, eat, watch TV, repeat. Hey, it's not as simple as it looks. (Alot of times we have too eat, go to the bathroom, and watch TV all at the same time. Now that's multitasking) I have taken the liberty on behalf of you teachers, to make a list of signs that our stress level is maxed out. 1.) Having enough pimples to qualify as a constellation. 2.) Curling up in the into a ball and hiding under a rock. 3.) Frequent muscle spasms. 4.) Turning into the Hulk and running in a rampage across town knocking over buildings in birthday suits. In the case you see any of these symptoms, please find it in your heart to lighten the load and stop assigning homework.
Before I complain even more I'd like to answer your questions, and make sure you're not as confused. Now you may be thinking, "I've given homework before and my students aren't dead. If what you say is true, then why are they still alive?" Well, there is a very simple answer to that question that's so obvious I feel dumb trying to explain it to you. WE DON'T DO IT. DUH! THINK! Have we ever actually done the homework? Why do you think we get C's and D's? Another question that may be on your mind, if you yourself are a student, "Like... dude... like... you know... why... dude? There is another very simple answer to that question too: “Like dude, like... you know... like... like... you know... yeah.” So now that I’ve answered your questions, let’s move on.
As I was saying earlier, HOMEWORK STINKS! To tell you the truth, all I’ve ever learned from homework is the fact that it is a complete waste of time. Who really gets anything out of something they are forced to do? Teacher’s I know I have said the same thing over and over, but with different words, and I do so because it is an issue and should be dealt with. The time to act is now!
Now for kids reading this: This article is no excuse to start a revolutionary war against the schools of Brainerd. Talk out your problems. And teacher’s I know I may be a bad influence to every one but... Who cares? I’ll do what it takes to rid the education system of homework forever.
I know you what you all are thinking... and yes GI Joe could take Barbie any day. But you may also be thinking this article is completely baseless and was written by an idiot. I can assure you... It was. But at least you got a good laugh out of it. At least I hope you did. (If you didn’t I might have to cry myself to sleep tonight.)
