Tourney***s short for "Video Game Tournament ***got" is singlehandedly the most embarrassing thing to ever rear its distended head into the world of video gaming-- even more embarrassing than being caught masturbating to Dead or Alive Beach Volleyball by your grandmother. Tourney***s like to take flawless video games such as Super Smash Bros. Melee and beat the ever loving **** out of it with completely unnecessary rules.
At these tournaments, all the basement-dwellers get together with their Gamecubes and spend over nine thousand hours waiting to touch a **** controller and actually play the game in the biggest sausage fest on Earth. After your five to eight minutes of playing, you get to wait another nine thousand and one hours to play again-- unless you lost your last match, in which case you can either GTFO or stay and watch the rabid fanboyism. Either way, the day will end with you alone in your basement, crying, and wondering where your life went wrong.
Types of Tourney***s
* The Professional - this most likely azn player has dedicated his entire life into getting really, really, ridiculously good at playing the game. You stand no chance against him unless you are a Professional Tourney*** like him; in which case you're just as much a loser as he is. They know all the rules by heart, and have carefully calculated every statistic to give them the mathematical advantage over their opponent. Normally these Tourney***s are saving their virginity for Zelda or Princess Peach, and have a severe case of basement dweller-ism. Despite all this, they're not all that annoying, because they're generally easy to avoid.
* Typical Tourney*** - this type of Tourney*** makes up 95% of the population that goes to these tournaments. They're not as dedicated as the Professional, but they're really **** close to failing just as hard as them. They use their favorite character while acknowledging their disadvantages, but occasionally choose a less popular character simply for the sake of wanting to win, with no intention of having any fun. They tend to disagree with some of the rules unless they want to *** kiss the moron who wrote them. They're the most annoying type of Tourney***, because they're ****ing everywhere. You can most likely find them foaming at the mouth yelling at someone.
Do you have a favorite character, a favorite stage, or a favorite item? There's a 98% chance that the Tourney***s have banned all three from being used. Why? To be simply put, they do it to make the game "more fair and balanced." For example, certain stages provide "unfair defensive positions" like the far right cloud in Yoshi's Island (64) past stage. The correct thing to do when a person has an "unfair defensive position" is run over, kick their ****ing ***, and TAKE THE **** POSITION!! What the Tourney***s prefer to do is ***** and moan about it until the stage is ban-hammered. That's why Tourney***s are gay for Final Destination, there are no "unfair defensive positions."
Items are also banned. Sometimes just certain items that give "unfair advantages" like the superstar or hammer which makes a character invincible, or items that replenish heath. What the Tourney***s fail to realize is that items randomly spawn, meaning that your character has just as good a chance to nab an item as another character does. Deactivating items is a matter of preferences, but the Tourney***s are emo *****es about it.
