Best kickass "girlfriend" (as in female friend): Zelda - I could have her Lightning Kick my enemies
Best "accessory" friend: Jigglypuff - Whenever I need to make a quick escape or just revenge on my enemies, I'd only have to pull her out of my bag and have her Sing them to sleep. And then I can kick their ***** or draw *****es on their faces or whatever.
Best chaffeur: Fox, Falco or Wolf - To take me places. They can instantly fly me across the globe with their Arwings.
Cutest little friend thingy: Shota-Link. Because he's just toooooo cute.
Cutest little sexy thing: Pit. Because he's shota, hot and cute. And legal because he's apparently a teen or something judging by his voice.
Best boyfriend: Ike. Because he's smexy and manly. Ike's the man for me. Snake's got a nice *** and buff bod, but the facial hair has to go!
Best bank robber accomplice: Samus - Because she can move at Mach 5.
Best F-U friend: Ness and Lucas. Have a grudge? An enemy? Someone you just wanna mess with? Have them psionically F them over, possibly landing them in a coma or killing them (only to be used on really vile people like murderers or something).
It's hard to choose one. But Ness or Lucas would probably be a pretty good choice for me since they could help me with tons of stuff. Have to move heavy stuff? Never fear, telekinesis is here! Out camping and need a fire? PK Fire! Car ain't starting? PK Thunder. Need ice? PK Freeze. Need a flare? PK Flash. Need to F someone over? Random psychic powers for the win.
Just... don't get them pissed off at you.
And I'd totally do Ike, Pit, Twilight Princess Link, Marth, and Snake (after shaving off his facial hair)(in that order, as in my first pick would be Ike, my 2nd Pit, etc.).