DL's Girl Story (The Conclusion?)

[DarkLouis331]

Link to original post: [drupal=2869]DL's Girl Story (The Conclusion?)[/drupal]



Well, alot of you may know about a girl I've been talking about on the boyfriend/girlfriend thread and relationship advice thread. And this is long, but I really think it's a good read. I put my heart into this, and I needed to get this story off my chest.

She is 16, and I'm 19, and that's a barrier that has always kept us apart because of you know...parents and the law (I believe in waiting to have sex until marriage however, so that doesn't apply to me too much) We've been hanging out with each other and our friends for about a year now. We've been to alot of places and have made oh so many good memories and I've always kind of liked her. But about 2 months ago, I started to like her...alot. I didn't know how to get her alone and tell her, because I needed to have other friends around her...because I respect what her parents might think about us 2 alone and the chance that I could get in serious trouble.

So I finally found the courage and opportunity to tell her on Sunday. My friend was able to come over, and so was she. I was nervous, but I told her. I told her something like:

"I just wanted to tell you that I kind of like you, Erin. And even though you're 16 and I'm 19, you're one of the closest people in my life and I thought I should be honest."

She looked excited and laughed about it, saying how things went from not-serious to serious right away. She told me maybe...because of what I expected, her parents might not approve of it. So I didn't talk to her Monday to let it sink in how I felt about her and not to be too clingy.

So then today (Tuesday) came...I went to my old high school's band concert...where she was playing oboe. So throughout the concert, I felt nervous, I just felt like things weren't going to go well when I talked to her afterward. The concert ended and I went to go talk to my friends. When just about everyone left, she pulled me aside and told me that she didn't want to give her dad a heart attack and her parents probably wouldn't be cool with it. She told me she felt bad, and that things may be awkward and asked if we were still cool. Feeling rushed, I didn't know what to say to that. and said dumb things like "yeah, oh, okay" and gave her a hug. My former best friend was there, I walked back with him to our cars and I told him that I finally told her.

So I asked her through text if I could call her when I got home because I felt like I didn't communicate well enough at the concert. She said "Yeah, that's fine" and I called her. This was the first phone call I ever had with her. It went something like this:

DL: "I just wanted to let you know that I'm cool with what you told me at the concert. I mean I kind of expected that answer from you. I just knew that I liked you and I thought you might like me, so I thought I should be honest.

Erin: "Yeah, at one point I was starting to become interested in you, but then I thought about our age gap and our friends. I mean, you, Dylan, and Brad are my closest friends and I would hate to lose that."

DL: "Yeah, I mean even if we did date, I would've made sure that we would've still hung out with them bc they mean alot to both of us. But yeah, I just thought I should be honest about how I felt."

Erin: "Yeah, and also I have a bad history with this kind of thing so I'm not sure if it's what I want right now, and I'm not sure if you'd want to go through that if it ended."

Erin: "I feel really bad" x9000 (Yeah, she kept saying this alot)

DL: "No, it's fine, I'll get over it" x9000

Erin: "Well, some of us have to get up early in the morning, so I better let you go."

DL: "I have the day off tomorrow, but I have to study."

Erin: "You're so lucky! But I guess that's a fair trade."

DL: "You're probably my closest friend, Erin, and we're still going to keep what we have had. If you ever need anything, just give me a call or text anytime, alright?"

Erin: "Alright, I'll see you later man"

And that was about it...and I thought I heard a hint of her crying...which is extremely rare for her. She's a punk kind of girl who doesn't cry easily. She describes herself as insensitive

I was crying a little too...I felt alright earlier, but it's beginning to sink in. I'm going to have to move on, but its hard. And now I realize I didn't get all the answers I wanted. Did she really ask her parents or does she just think they'll say that? (They do like me, I talk to them a little whenever I come over and have taken me on trips before) And what is this bad history she was talking about? Did I wait too long to tell her?

Since she's my best friend, I really want to know what this bad history is of hers and if I can help, because I have a somewhat painful history with girls as well... So yeah...I am sad, and I'm not sure what to do from here or if I'll ever get to hang out with her 1 on 1, even if it's just as friends. The good thing is that we still have at least 2 and 3/4 years left before she leaves for college to make more memories with our friends. Who knows? Maybe this'll happen later on. But she is most likely moving away for college, and I'm going to miss her like hell when that time comes. But I know I have to start looking elsewhere. And liking a girl this much doesn't happen often. It's just hard as hell right now. This all only happened a couple hours ago. I'm a little sad and a little confused, but I'm glad I took the chance and glad I found out much of the truth.

 

[ChivalRuse]

Good story and good read. I'm 19 too so I can identify. *chuckle*

 

[AKC12]

It's no conclusion. From what I read this is only the start of a long road. Either you too stick together like honey or slowly drift apart.

 

[john!]

For some reason it is very hard for girls to have a guy who is both a friend and a romantic interest. That's why they too often date the jerks.

 

[Romulox2010]

For some reason it is very hard for girls to have a guy who is both a friend and a romantic interest. That's why they too often date the jerks.

QFT, IDK why some girls always prefer the guys that treat them like garbage over the guys that'll treat them with respect

 

[Ishiey]

*agrees with previous comments*

I had something similar happen, kinda. Personally, I don't see why age is that horrendous of an issue =/ it might seem a bit weird from the outside, but that's it, age doesn't really mean much when it comes to your relationship with the person...

I'm pretty sure that you two will continue to be good friends

 

[DarkLouis331]

*agrees with previous comments*

I had something similar happen, kinda. Personally, I don't see why age is that horrendous of an issue =/ it might seem a bit weird from the outside, but that's it, age doesn't really mean much when it comes to your relationship with the person...

I'm pretty sure that you two will continue to be good friends

I agree with you completely. Some of the best relationships I've seen have happened between friends with age gaps. Age doesn't mean jack s***, just look at her and I, and I mean that whole-heartedly. I have friends who are in their mid-20's, my age, and all the way down to sophomores in high school. (This includes that girl.) I just get along with people my age or younger usually. They aren't so serious about things and they're fun people. My parents disapproved of her and I together and were always weirded out by our friendship, but left the choice in my hands, so I went a different way than them. I do believe that sex should wait though.

 

[Elder Sister]

^agreed.

I'm sorry to hear that
but i think since your best friends, its going to be fine.

 

[altairian]

For some reason it is very hard for girls to have a guy who is both a friend and a romantic interest. That's why they too often date the jerks.

That actually has NOTHING to do with why they date "jerks". Attraction is not a choice. A girl can't be like "oh he's too good of a friend, I can't be attracted to him". It just doesn't work like that. The thing is attraction is an almost instantaneous reaction when you first encounter a person (think about when you first see a girl...they do the same thing when they see a guy, they're just looking at different things). And if you don't trigger it initially, then you're very unlikely to trigger it later on. Obviously there are exceptions to everything, but in general these statements hold true.

Fact: those "jerks" know how to treat women in a way that triggers attraction. Try opening your mind to different ideas and learning from them. Emotions are not a logical thing.

 

[john!]

Fact: those "jerks" know how to treat women in a way that triggers attraction. Try opening your mind to different ideas and learning from them. Emotions are not a logical thing.

Right you are. I've seen many of these threads online and women usually admit being attracted to the "bad boys" but they can never explain why. No wonder 50% of marriages end in divorce.

 

[altairian]

Right you are. I've seen many of these threads online and women usually admit being attracted to the "bad boys" but they can never explain why. No wonder 50% of marriages end in divorce.

Those things actually have nothing to do with each other
The divorce rate is higher because divorce is a more socially accepted thing, plain and simple. Our basic instincts and emotions when it comes to relationships haven't changed, just the societal norms surrounding them.

 

[Omis]

Im not really good with advice but I have one thing to say; she plays oboe.
Oboes are the best instruments in the world and because of the necessary tech skill they can do various things with their mouths very well. Go for it.

 

[Delta-cod]

Omis, all I can do is LOL at your post. That was win.

The thing I find funny about this situation is that the age difference is only 3 years. The only reason it seems so large is because she's in high school still and you're not. I bet if you were both out of school it probably wouldn't mean much as far the ages went. =/

 

[GwJ]

My girlfriend plays baritone. Should I be excited?









Kidding.

 

[Sucumbio]

Did I wait too long to tell her?

Yep.

Since she's my best friend, I really want to know what this bad history is of hers and if I can help

Could be a history of guys falling for her after she's made friends w/them, which typically does end badly. I wouldn't push it, "seeing if you can help" will make you look desperate.

A girl can't be like "oh he's too good of a friend, I can't be attracted to him".

Sure they can, happened to me constantly. These are the same girls that hit you with "you're not a REAL guy, I could -never- date you."

Those things actually have nothing to do with each other
The divorce rate is higher because divorce is a more socially accepted thing, plain and simple. Our basic instincts and emotions when it comes to relationships haven't changed, just the societal norms surrounding them.

I'd buy this except America's divorce rate > anywhere else. It's not just the social acceptability of divorce, though that plays into it... it's the money.

The thing I find funny about this situation is that the age difference is only 3 years. The only reason it seems so large is because she's in high school still and you're not. I bet if you were both out of school it probably wouldn't mean much as far the ages went. =/

This.

 

[Ishiey]

Im not really good with advice but I have one thing to say; she plays oboe.
Oboes are the best instruments in the world and because of the necessary tech skill they can do various things with their mouths very well. Go for it.

This too :3

... Really.

But yeah, the age gap is an issue for everyone who's NOT involved. It's so stupid. I agree with what you said, younger people are generally more fun (lol, I'm 17 and referring to younger people, this is kinda funny) and whatnot. When I ended up in this situation, the other person "backed out" because of the way her friends were acting about it, and what her parents would do if they found out.

People and their illogical judgments -___-

 

[The Immortal Sir NZ]

That actually has NOTHING to do with why they date "jerks". Attraction is not a choice. A girl can't be like "oh he's too good of a friend, I can't be attracted to him". It just doesn't work like that. The thing is attraction is an almost instantaneous reaction when you first encounter a person (think about when you first see a girl...they do the same thing when they see a guy, they're just looking at different things). And if you don't trigger it initially, then you're very unlikely to trigger it later on. Obviously there are exceptions to everything, but in general these statements hold true.

Fact: those "jerks" know how to treat women in a way that triggers attraction. Try opening your mind to different ideas and learning from them. Emotions are not a logical thing.

This man speaks the truth.
On another note, do you read david deangelo altairian?

 

[altairian]

Sure they can, happened to me constantly. These are the same girls that hit you with "you're not a REAL guy, I could -never- date you."

You...just proved my point perfectly. Unless you were being sarcastic or ironic and I didn't catch the joke >_> But regardless I'll press on assuming that was a serious statement.

ATTRACTION is a very basic, powerful emotion. And it happens in the blink of an eye. When you look at a girl passing by, what happens? You instantly look at her face/chest/butt/legs/clothing/makeup/whatever-else-works-for-you. And after looking at those things, you've decided "wow she's pretty hot" or "meh she doesn't look so good" or something along those lines. You didn't think about it. You didn't consider how good a friend she might be/is. You took one look at her and you already decided whether or not she's someone you're interested in dating.

Women work in EXACTLY the same way. The only difference is that what she's looking at is mostly things that aren't on the surface. Or she sees things on the surface that tell her deeper things about you. Such as how you dress. How well groomed your hair/beard/nails are. She looks at how you stand, how you walk. She isn't conscious of these things, they happen in the blink of an eye, just like when a man sees a woman. And after looking at those things, she's already decided if he's someone that she's interested in dating. Once she's made that decision, it's a VERY LONG, DIFFICULT, UPHILL STRUGGLE to change her mind.

And if a woman doesn't feel attraction for you, SHE WILL NOT DATE YOU. It doesn't matter how nice or funny or how good of a friend you are. Attraction is the difference between friend and boyfriend.

I'm going to be kinda harsh here, and tell you plainly that whatever you're doing is wrong and unattractive to women. It's really that simple. If you've been told MULTIPLE times by female friends that you "aren't a REAL guy" you should really be looking inward and figuring out what it is that's literally repelling women. Being an attractive man has almost nothing to do with your physical attributes. To sum it up in a single word, you have to actually be a MAN. If you possess the qualities of a real man, you'll be as attractive to women as a supermodel is to men.

I'd buy this except America's divorce rate > anywhere else. It's not just the social acceptability of divorce, though that plays into it... it's the money.

Well...American society is different from the society of other countries. Monetary reasons have little to do with the overall divorce rate. There's just too many people in the country for gold-digging to have a significant impact on the statistic. Most people just want to live happy lives. Americans are just really bad at it. Ironic, considering we were founded under the concepts of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness"

This man speaks the truth.
On another note, do you read david deangelo altairian?

Yes, yes I do. And he is a ****ing godsend. I pretty much tell people about him any chance I get
It was the "attraction isn't a choice" that tipped you off, wasn't it

edit: on a side note of my own, since learning a lot of stuff from david deangelo, I find myself noticing a lot how accurately the beginnings of relationships are actually portrayed in movies most of the time. You don't see guys being huge dorks and chasing after women and she just magically falls in love with him. It just doesn't happen that way. And if you stop and actually analyze what's going on you can pick up a lot of basics just from movies. It's amazing what you can see when you finally throw out everything you thought was right and start looking for what ACTUALLY works.

 

[Dark 3nergy]

For some reason it is very hard for girls to have a guy who is both a friend and a romantic interest. That's why they too often date the jerks.

^^^ very true

i'm not sure what to tell you OP...its a tough time at her age and your age to get into a relationship. Dont feel bad though, this is a good learning experience for you. Keep being friends with her and your buddies. If things change the way you want great.

 

[The Immortal Sir NZ]

ATTRACTION is a very basic, powerful emotion. And it happens in the blink of an eye. When you look at a girl passing by, what happens? You instantly look at her face/chest/butt/legs/clothing/makeup/whatever-else-works-for-you. And after looking at those things, you've decided "wow she's pretty hot" or "meh she doesn't look so good" or something along those lines. You didn't think about it. You didn't consider how good a friend she might be/is. You took one look at her and you already decided whether or not she's someone you're interested in dating.

Women work in EXACTLY the same way. The only difference is that what she's looking at is mostly things that aren't on the surface. Or she sees things on the surface that tell her deeper things about you. Such as how you dress. How well groomed your hair/beard/nails are. She looks at how you stand, how you walk. She isn't conscious of these things, they happen in the blink of an eye, just like when a man sees a woman. And after looking at those things, she's already decided if he's someone that she's interested in dating. Once she's made that decision, it's a VERY LONG, DIFFICULT, UPHILL STRUGGLE to change her mind.

And if a woman doesn't feel attraction for you, SHE WILL NOT DATE YOU. It doesn't matter how nice or funny or how good of a friend you are. Attraction is the difference between friend and boyfriend.

I'm going to be kinda harsh here, and tell you plainly that whatever you're doing is wrong and unattractive to women. It's really that simple. If you've been told MULTIPLE times by female friends that you "aren't a REAL guy" you should really be looking inward and figuring out what it is that's literally repelling women. Being an attractive man has almost nothing to do with your physical attributes. To sum it up in a single word, you have to actually be a MAN. If you possess the qualities of a real man, you'll be as attractive to women as a supermodel is to men.

Yes, yes I do. And he is a ****ing godsend. I pretty much tell people about him any chance I get
It was the "attraction isn't a choice" that tipped you off, wasn't it

edit: on a side note of my own, since learning a lot of stuff from david deangelo, I find myself noticing a lot how accurately the beginnings of relationships are actually portrayed in movies most of the time. You don't see guys being huge dorks and chasing after women and she just magically falls in love with him. It just doesn't happen that way. And if you stop and actually analyze what's going on you can pick up a lot of basics just from movies. It's amazing what you can see when you finally throw out everything you thought was right and start looking for what ACTUALLY works.

Yeah Attraction isn't a choice is a great book. Do you feel like a missionary spreading the good word?

 

[DarkLouis331]

You...just proved my point perfectly. Unless you were being sarcastic or ironic and I didn't catch the joke >_> But regardless I'll press on assuming that was a serious statement.

ATTRACTION is a very basic, powerful emotion. And it happens in the blink of an eye. When you look at a girl passing by, what happens? You instantly look at her face/chest/butt/legs/clothing/makeup/whatever-else-works-for-you. And after looking at those things, you've decided "wow she's pretty hot" or "meh she doesn't look so good" or something along those lines. You didn't think about it. You didn't consider how good a friend she might be/is. You took one look at her and you already decided whether or not she's someone you're interested in dating.

Women work in EXACTLY the same way. The only difference is that what she's looking at is mostly things that aren't on the surface. Or she sees things on the surface that tell her deeper things about you. Such as how you dress. How well groomed your hair/beard/nails are. She looks at how you stand, how you walk. She isn't conscious of these things, they happen in the blink of an eye, just like when a man sees a woman. And after looking at those things, she's already decided if he's someone that she's interested in dating. Once she's made that decision, it's a VERY LONG, DIFFICULT, UPHILL STRUGGLE to change her mind.

And if a woman doesn't feel attraction for you, SHE WILL NOT DATE YOU. It doesn't matter how nice or funny or how good of a friend you are. Attraction is the difference between friend and boyfriend.

I'm going to be kinda harsh here, and tell you plainly that whatever you're doing is wrong and unattractive to women. It's really that simple. If you've been told MULTIPLE times by female friends that you "aren't a REAL guy" you should really be looking inward and figuring out what it is that's literally repelling women. Being an attractive man has almost nothing to do with your physical attributes. To sum it up in a single word, you have to actually be a MAN. If you possess the qualities of a real man, you'll be as attractive to women as a supermodel is to men.





Well...American society is different from the society of other countries. Monetary reasons have little to do with the overall divorce rate. There's just too many people in the country for gold-digging to have a significant impact on the statistic. Most people just want to live happy lives. Americans are just really bad at it. Ironic, considering we were founded under the concepts of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness"




Yes, yes I do. And he is a ****ing godsend. I pretty much tell people about him any chance I get
It was the "attraction isn't a choice" that tipped you off, wasn't it

edit: on a side note of my own, since learning a lot of stuff from david deangelo, I find myself noticing a lot how accurately the beginnings of relationships are actually portrayed in movies most of the time. You don't see guys being huge dorks and chasing after women and she just magically falls in love with him. It just doesn't happen that way. And if you stop and actually analyze what's going on you can pick up a lot of basics just from movies. It's amazing what you can see when you finally throw out everything you thought was right and start looking for what ACTUALLY works.

Although the truth hurts, you are right Altairian. I'm just kind of keeping my distance and not talking to her for awhile to not seem desperate and I'm keeping my eyes open to other girls even though I wouldn't dare do anything right now. She seems to have really struggled with the decision based on her status updates on Facebook, but I'm not going to talk to her. I told her that one night that she's one of my closest friends and I'd be there for her whenever she needed it...like I always was before I told her., I just think it's going to hurt to see her again right now. The reality of it seems to be hitting me now.

I'm feeling alright despite her right now. It just sucks so bad...I don't know what to say, I feel so weak for not being able to let go, even though it's not even past day 2 yet of her telling me her final answer, yet I'm trying. I had to tell her though, it's one of those things I felt inside that I had to do. I don't fall for girls that easily, it's the first time in 3 years I've felt this way, and it sucks that she had to be that one (un)lucky girl. I just don't see how we can go back to best friends right now without stirring up my emotions again. God...

 

[Sucumbio]

You...just proved my point perfectly. Unless you were being sarcastic or ironic and I didn't catch the joke >_> But regardless I'll press on assuming that was a serious statement.

LOL yeah that was sarcasm. Chicks typically give that line when they're trying to let you down "nicely." Sometimes, and rarely, a girl who befriends you will change her mind over time and become attracted to you, but it's rare in comparison.

I'm going to be kinda harsh here, and tell you plainly that whatever you're doing is wrong and unattractive to women. It's really that simple. If you've been told MULTIPLE times by female friends that you "aren't a REAL guy" you should really be looking inward and figuring out what it is that's literally repelling women. Being an attractive man has almost nothing to do with your physical attributes. To sum it up in a single word, you have to actually be a MAN. If you possess the qualities of a real man, you'll be as attractive to women as a supermodel is to men.

Nah that's not harsh, it's the truth. Though, I've been married for years now so it's not really relevant to me, but to our friend DL here, perhaps... but yeah, back in HS I really didn't exude stereotypical maleness even though my appetites matched that of your normal "guy" my attitudes, appearance and behaviors really ... wouldn't have been considered datable material lol. Course once I got to college, that all changed. HS sucks.

Well...American society is different from the society of other countries. Monetary reasons have little to do with the overall divorce rate. There's just too many people in the country for gold-digging to have a significant impact on the statistic. Most people just want to live happy lives. Americans are just really bad at it. Ironic, considering we were founded under the concepts of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness"

no no not gold diggers, money issues! On paper the number 1 "official" reason for divorce in America is money, as opposed to "irreconcilable differences", "abuse", "infidelity" etc though those are also really popular reasons, nothing beats the almighty dollar.

 

[altairian]

Although the truth hurts, you are right Altairian. I'm just kind of keeping my distance and not talking to her for awhile to not seem desperate and I'm keeping my eyes open to other girls even though I wouldn't dare do anything right now. She seems to have really struggled with the decision based on her status updates on Facebook, but I'm not going to talk to her. I told her that one night that she's one of my closest friends and I'd be there for her whenever she needed it...like I always was before I told her., I just think it's going to hurt to see her again right now. The reality of it seems to be hitting me now.

I'm feeling alright despite her right now. It just sucks so bad...I don't know what to say, I feel so weak for not being able to let go, even though it's not even past day 2 yet of her telling me her final answer, yet I'm trying. I had to tell her though, it's one of those things I felt inside that I had to do. I don't fall for girls that easily, it's the first time in 3 years I've felt this way, and it sucks that she had to be that one (un)lucky girl. I just don't see how we can go back to best friends right now without stirring up my emotions again. God...

Moving on is very hard. The best thing you can probably do is not just "keep your eyes open", but actively meet new people (women). Finding someone else is the fastest and easiest way to move on. Feelings don't just go away on their own, especially when it's someone that you see/talk to a lot. And I know that this friendship is important to you so I'm not gonna say just cut her out of your life, which is the easiest way to keep it out of your mind.

If you have to, ask your friends to introduce you to girls. If your friend asks you what's up with that, just explain to her clearly that you want to get over her so that your friendship can go back to normal and sitting around moping isn't gonna do the job. And depending on how she actually feels, a little jealousy might help change her mind. Don't do it with the intent of making her jealous though

And don't feel bad about any of this, you took action and in the end you'll be glad you did regardless of how things turned out. My only regrets in my life are times that I DIDN'T do something or say something when I should have. Even though I've had some colossal failures when I did take actions, I don't regret any of them.

@Sucumbio, ahh ok I get what you meant about money now. Well America is the Land of Debt as well. We only have to look back a couple years to see where our obsession with the 'perfect life' (kids, owning a house, dog, etc) has taken us. As a country we're irresponsible with money, so I can see how that can put a strain on a lot of relationships.

Also I'm really glad that your statement was sarcastic lol, I kinda wanted to slap you when I thought it was serious

@Immortal, lol I never really thought of myself as a missionary, but I guess the shoe fits
I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and one thing I've always done is I try to help other people avoid making the same mistakes that I have. And the biggest thing for me is seeing other guys that have deluded themselves in to that "nice guy" mentality, insisting that women are supposed to want them and griping about it all the time but never bothering to stop and think that maybe, just maybe the entire female population isn't wrong in the men they choose to date.

 

[The Immortal Sir NZ]

@Immortal, lol I never really thought of myself as a missionary, but I guess the shoe fits
I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and one thing I've always done is I try to help other people avoid making the same mistakes that I have. And the biggest thing for me is seeing other guys that have deluded themselves in to that "nice guy" mentality, insisting that women are supposed to want them and griping about it all the time but never bothering to stop and think that maybe, just maybe the entire female population isn't wrong in the men they choose to date.

I wasn't actually serious about the missionary thing, but I kinda do the same thing, so its all good.
Keep sharing the knowledge, IIRC, the first time I heard the name David Deangelo was on this very website. I share some vital information with a couple close friends and we're able to put it to good use. Maybe one day we can all have whichever girl we want.

 

[john!]

I wasn't actually serious about the missionary thing

I thought it was some kind of double entendre...

 

[Toronto Joe]

good sir,you have been trapped in the friend zone, there is no escape and resistance is futile

 

[DarkLouis331]

I saw Erin for the first time in 2-3 weeks today. I tried to look at her as a best friend and nothing more. I picked her up from her house today. Just her and I until we picked up our other friend like 5 minutes later. It was a great conversation. No awkwardness at all. It just kept flowing. In the meantime (those 2-3 weeks...which have been great btw), I've been hanging with my bros, telling some what happened, and have been talking to a girl on Facebook and through text that I might be interested in to try and forget her. (But I don't think I will be) We had a good time tonight, but my former best friend (who is 18) and her got pretty flirty. :/ She kept asking me to help her out and get him off her when they were fighting/wrestling though. They haven't seen each other in a long while, because he's always busy with college, so she was obviously excited to see him. He hung out with us a ton last spring and summer, but hasn't this fall and winter. So I just kinda hung out with my other friend who was there and just waited with him until they got the hint that we were bored and tired of them wasting our group's time together. (We were both pretty annoyed) I know she could tell I was upset about it, asking everyone why I was seemed so sad and angsty today, so she cut it out and tried to stay away from him a little bit, and the flirting stopped. And she asked me to give her a ride home when my best friend could've himself. But I dropped my other friend off after her.

I don't think I can be her best friend...as much as I want to go back to that. It hurt like hell to see her flirt like that with my former best friend. I was her best friend before I told her, but once you decide to tell someone how you really feel, it's so hard to take that back and forget it ever happened. I know it should be pretty easy for her, considering we never really went out, but she must think it's easy for me too, when it's not. This really sucks and I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I should talk to her about this, (about how I feel like I can't go back to being her best friend) completely sever all ties with her, or what. I want her to be happy and don't want her to feel obligated to care about my feelings. No, I don't want to win her over or make her miss me or anything, I just want these feelings to go away, and I just don't know how while still trying to be a friend.

 

[Ishiey]

Don't sever all ties, that's immature =/ Just talk to her about it, and then maybe you'll just have to avoid her for a while. That's how it's usually been for me, at least =/

 

[DarkLouis331]

Don't sever all ties, that's immature =/ Just talk to her about it, and then maybe you'll just have to avoid her for a while. That's how it's usually been for me, at least =/

Yeah, sometimes I'm not good with words lol I guess I meant slowly let it go away. Only respond if she makes the first move, y'know? But Idk, talking to her is probably the best option, although it's hard and rare for us to have a 1 on 1 conversation in person. I'm just not sure what I want to say right now. I'll figure it out later.

 

[P.C. Jona]

i was gonna hit you up on aim but your off

wanted to share some stuff with you and maybe help you out or something, so if your still on smashboards right now let me know, or hit me up on aim

jonadiaper

 

[ChivalRuse]

Man, girls are so complicated. I'm not ready to deal with a female right now. Maybe in another 5 years.

 

[PassWurD]

Girls don't like boys,
Girls like cars and money
Boys will laugh at girls when they're not funny

And these girls like these boys, like these boys like these girls
The girls with the bodies like boys with Ferrari's

Girls don't like boys,
Girls like cars and money♫

 

[DarkLouis331]

Thanks for your concern guys. I don't fall for girls this easily, so this kind of thing may be different for me. It hasn't happened for 3 years up until now. I'm thinking about talking to her one more time if I'm still feeling the same way the next time I see her. I'm afraid I need to say something like:

Hey, I know you want to just be friends, and I've been trying hard over the past 2-3 weeks to hang out with my bros and get over you. But I just can't if we keep hanging out together like this and you still text me from time to time. I still see you as more than a friend, even though we never really dated. So I may have to avoid contact with you for some time. I'm not quite sure how long it's going to take, but I expect to come back and hang with you again sometime. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but if you want us to go back to being friends, I think this is the best way for us to go for now.

I'm a weird guy with weird thinking...I know. I'm just brainstorming possible decisions right now and this one could go wrong in the end, it could go right. It's the only way right now that I see myself getting over this. It sucks that I'm having friendship issues with one of my best friends of 4 years at the same time as this too. lol I still think everything's going to be okay though.

 

[Mikeomak]

i don't know how i got to this post or anthing for that matter but.....

I say go for what ever your feeling. Whats the worst that can happen? You don't go out? Maybe its just the way i see things, or maybe im not getting the whole picture. You only got 1 life and if its what you want go for it, but if you really want it put every bit of effort into getting it and dont let anyone stop you. Don't sit there wondering "What if....." , its the worst feeling.
Just my thoughts though. maybe its not how you are. Good luck though!

 

[Ninka_kiwi]

You...just proved my point perfectly. Unless you were being sarcastic or ironic and I didn't catch the joke >_> But regardless I'll press on assuming that was a serious statement.

ATTRACTION is a very basic, powerful emotion. And it happens in the blink of an eye. When you look at a girl passing by, what happens? You instantly look at her face/chest/butt/legs/clothing/makeup/whatever-else-works-for-you. And after looking at those things, you've decided "wow she's pretty hot" or "meh she doesn't look so good" or something along those lines. You didn't think about it. You didn't consider how good a friend she might be/is. You took one look at her and you already decided whether or not she's someone you're interested in dating.

Women work in EXACTLY the same way. The only difference is that what she's looking at is mostly things that aren't on the surface. Or she sees things on the surface that tell her deeper things about you. Such as how you dress. How well groomed your hair/beard/nails are. She looks at how you stand, how you walk. She isn't conscious of these things, they happen in the blink of an eye, just like when a man sees a woman. And after looking at those things, she's already decided if he's someone that she's interested in dating. Once she's made that decision, it's a VERY LONG, DIFFICULT, UPHILL STRUGGLE to change her mind.

And if a woman doesn't feel attraction for you, SHE WILL NOT DATE YOU. It doesn't matter how nice or funny or how good of a friend you are. Attraction is the difference between friend and boyfriend.

I'm going to be kinda harsh here, and tell you plainly that whatever you're doing is wrong and unattractive to women. It's really that simple. If you've been told MULTIPLE times by female friends that you "aren't a REAL guy" you should really be looking inward and figuring out what it is that's literally repelling women. Being an attractive man has almost nothing to do with your physical attributes. To sum it up in a single word, you have to actually be a MAN. If you possess the qualities of a real man, you'll be as attractive to women as a supermodel is to men.





Well...American society is different from the society of other countries. Monetary reasons have little to do with the overall divorce rate. There's just too many people in the country for gold-digging to have a significant impact on the statistic. Most people just want to live happy lives. Americans are just really bad at it. Ironic, considering we were founded under the concepts of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness"




Yes, yes I do. And he is a ****ing godsend. I pretty much tell people about him any chance I get
It was the "attraction isn't a choice" that tipped you off, wasn't it

edit: on a side note of my own, since learning a lot of stuff from david deangelo, I find myself noticing a lot how accurately the beginnings of relationships are actually portrayed in movies most of the time. You don't see guys being huge dorks and chasing after women and she just magically falls in love with him. It just doesn't happen that way. And if you stop and actually analyze what's going on you can pick up a lot of basics just from movies. It's amazing what you can see when you finally throw out everything you thought was right and start looking for what ACTUALLY works.

Wow Altairian thats deep and good advice

 

[DarkLouis331]

Well, it's been a month. I've tried to get her out of my life as much as possible while holding onto friendship. We haven't texted at all, save for the holidays and new years when I tried to cut them as short as possible. We've only hung out a few times, and I was really happy both times, but left feeling very sad afterwards.

I can't be her friend, these feelings are definitely true, but they're no **** use at all. I'm taking a break from Facebook this week to think about things and get away from her (and some other people I'm going through stuff with) I'm going to think about what I want to do, but I think I've already made my decision. I'm going to have to cut things off with her. I think I'm going to have to say something like this in person:

"Erin, I just want you to know that I really enjoy hanging out with you and that I care about you. I know how you feel about me and I've been trying hard to hold onto our friendship. But through this month, I realized that I can't. Whenever we hang out as friends, I'm going to keep wanting more than that. I'm crazy about you. So if you only see me as a friend, I think it's best if we don't see each other for awhile. I mean no hanging out, no texting, deleting each other from facebook, nothing at all. I don't know when I'll look at you as a friend after that and I hope we can hang out again without this tension, but don't call me unless it's absolutely important."

I'm just left with anger, about life, about how I'm losing quite a bit of people who were once close to me (not just this girl, but my ex-best friends as well), and how these feelings were all for nothing, and how I'm going to lose even more friends. If she really cared about me, she would've talked to her parents. I've been through something similar in my Junior year of High school with the parent deal. I'm not going to bother trying. I've learned from that I'm in the friend zone and if I stay friends, hoping for something more for years to come, I'm going to be in a world of hurt like last time. I'm running away and throwing in the towel.

**** love.

(Edit: I just realized this is alot like my previous post, sorry guys.)

 

[P.C. Jona]

hey

stuff like that has already happened to me, and yea it sucks..

i remember this one girl i liked told me we would never be anything more then friends after she told me she loved me and she wanted to be with me forever and all this crap...but then she told me that..i was soooo pissed oh man...so mad i just went to sleep...i dont even talk to her anymore, i dont even know how she is...i know nothing about her for the past few years...

you gotta let that go man, forget about her, move on..

as for your friends...you never really have friends in life...the people who you think are close to you will backstab you, talk about you, lie about you, for nothing.. wish it wasnt true, but i let go of those people i had in my life already...i know that im not that type of person to go and do stuff to people like that.. but unfortunately, people get jealous for the stupidest reasons, and thats what happens... just remember that God, your family, and then your girlfriend wont do things like that to you...

the only way your girlfriend will do that, is if you got the wrong one, because the right one will always be with you and support you through crappy times.. dont worry about it bro, just move on.