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You Laugh You Lose: Gentlemen's Club Edition

NinjaFoxX

NinjaFoxX

Banned via Warnings
Joined
Nov 16, 2005
Messages
6,035
Location
Small hole, looks nice though~
we're gonna need som classics to revive this thread













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AnDaLe

AnDaLe

Smash Champion
Joined
Jan 13, 2009
Messages
2,373
Location
IL
Honoring the OP, there are to be no videos in this thread. I won't do this again.
 
[FBC] ESAM

[FBC] ESAM

Smash Legend
Joined
Feb 17, 2008
Messages
12,197
Location
Pika?
BTW, the light thing won't work because once you go into the room the light will turn off. If there is a tiny little crack ANYWHERE the light will get out way too quick.
 
Twin_A

Twin_A

Smash Champion
Joined
Jun 16, 2007
Messages
2,860
Location
Singin Pretty Fly for a White Guy in the shower :)
o-Serin-o said:
http://maps.google.com/maps?q=26.35...6.358083,127.784042&spn=0.00473,0.007972&z=17

You'll **** bricks once you see it.
Click to expand...
At first I thought you were trolling us, and then I saw it. Only in Japan...

I don't have any funny pictures to post so heres a bunch of Mitch Hedberg quotes, go nuts.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I bought myself a parrot. The parrot talked. But it did not say, "I'm hungry,"........ so it died.

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've travelled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so that it will not fall off the wall.

People teach their dogs to sit, it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

Burritos are sleeping bags for ground beef.

I would imagine that if you could understand morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger.

I had a stick of Carefree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which one's the real hero?

I thought my teeth were white, until I washed my face with Noxema. They're not white, they're off-white. Hell, I'm not even white, I'm off-white. We're a new race, we will prevail!

Once I saw this wino who was eating grapes, and I said, "Dude, you have to wait".

I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.

I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

A waffle is like a pancake with syrup traps.

What's a sesame seed grow into? I don't know we never give them a chance, what the **** is a sesame?! It's a street... It's a way to open ****...

Kinko's is my favourite copy place cause it's open 24 hours, like if it's three in the morning, and I suddenly decide I need two of something, I'm covered.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I type at one hundred and one words a minute. But it's in my own language.

I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a lady who would be really mad if she heard me say that.

Magicians disappear all the time, but as soon as a regular person does it, everyone is all scared. "Tom's gone!" "Is he a magician?" "No." "Then let's print up some flyers!"

I hate turtlenecks. I have such a weak neck. Plus if you wear a turtleneck it's like being strangled by a really weak guy ... all day. And if you wear a turtleneck and a backpack it's like a weak ****** trying to bring you down.

I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. ****.

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load **** into a truck.

Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music." As though there's any other way to take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too ... I tried to taste it, but it did not work ...

I'm at a hotel room and my friend comes over and he says, "Can I use the phone?" I said, "Certainly." He said, "Do I need to dial nine?" "Yeah, especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

I played golf, I'm not good at golf, I never got good at it. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy in one. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "fore." But I was too busy mumbling, "there ain't no way that's gonna hit him."

I wanted to get my teeth whitened, but I said **** it, I'll just get a tan instead.

I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music... so when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say "Go around! I cannot open the wall! I dunno if you have a door on your side but over here there's nothin'. It's just flat."

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I was in a convenience store reading a magazine and the clerk came up to me and said "This is not a library". so I said, "Alright, I will talk louder then!"

"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."

I was in a bar, minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Acid really messes with your mind, man. When I was on acid, I'd see things that looked like beams of light... and I'd hear things that sound an awful lot like car horns...

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said "**** it. Cut 'em up."

I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen but he could not read it, he thought I was just trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.

On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the **** did you get that banana?

I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, cause no one would buy it: sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge... that would melt easily over tortilla chips.

I order a club sandwich all the time. And I'm not even a member, I don't know how I get away with it. "I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread." "So do I." "Lets form a club then." "Okay, but we're gonna need more stipulations." "Yes we do." "OK... Instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again." "Yeah, four triangles." "And we will position them in a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips. Or potato salad." "Let me ask you a question, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" "I'm for 'em!" "Well, this club is formed. Spread the news on menus nationwide."
 
Twin_A

Twin_A

Smash Champion
Joined
Jun 16, 2007
Messages
2,860
Location
Singin Pretty Fly for a White Guy in the shower :)
Goku got me hard. Ahh those were the days. You would race home from school knowing that said hero and said villian were about to duke it out. They power up for a minute and then it skips to a scene of Bulma flying around for fifteen minutes. but the preview showed them attacking so it has to happen! And then at the very end of the episode they fly at each other aaaaand....

Next time on Dragon Ball Z. Said hero and said villian may actually fight!

Next episode: they throw a punch and an explosion occurs off in the distance that makes them both go their separate ways. Thanks a lot DBZ, I'm now failing 6th grade because of a 2 second fight that didn't happen.

Ah those were the good days :)
 
Laijin

Laijin

Smash Hero
Joined
Oct 10, 2004
Messages
5,848
Location
Rylai the Crystal Maiden's Igloo
Twin_A said:
Goku got me hard. Ahh those were the days. You would race home from school knowing that said hero and said villian were about to duke it out. They power up for a minute and then it skips to a scene of Bulma flying around for fifteen minutes. but the preview showed them attacking so it has to happen! And then at the very end of the episode they fly at each other aaaaand....

Next time on Dragon Ball Z. Said hero and said villian may actually fight!

Next episode: they throw a punch and an explosion occurs off in the distance that makes them both go their separate ways. Thanks a lot DBZ, I'm now failing 6th grade because of a 2 second fight that didn't happen.

Ah those were the good days :)
Click to expand...
Yo dude those previews were awesome.
They always spoiled the entire episode.
I remember on at the end of one episode they were like "What will happen to Krillin?".
Then their like "On the next episode of DBZ.....KRILLIN DIES!"
 
T

tw1n

Smash Champion
Joined
Jun 22, 2007
Messages
2,249
Location
Albuquerque
Hahaha the past few osts have made me love. The Mitch hedberg quotes and all the DBZ stuff. great times.
 
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